The ARMC
Two anxiety ridden Moms and professionals taking on life and work. We've come together to talk about it all and formed The Anxiety Ridden Moms Club or ARMC for short. Welcome to our show, we look forward at what's to come. Thank you for joining us every week for a new episode.
The ARMC
Scroll Control: Raising Kids in the Age of Social Media
Social media creates unique challenges for parents trying to navigate appropriate boundaries for their children while balancing busy lives and the pressures of modern parenting. We discuss the shocking reality of kids creating multiple accounts and posting inappropriate content while exploring the wider impact of screen time on childhood development.
• One host discovers her 13-year-old son posting inappropriate content with alcohol references on TikTok
• Children often maintain multiple accounts and "burner" profiles to hide content from parents
• Kids become obsessed with follower counts and social validation at developmentally vulnerable ages
• Even young children (ages 5-7) are sneaking screen time when adults aren't watching
• One family removed TV completely and saw dramatic improvements in children's creativity and behavior
• School-assigned computers create additional challenges for limiting screen exposure
• Parents struggle with being good role models when they themselves are frequently on devices
• Modern children's shows and entertainment often contain inappropriate messaging
• Adults use screens as convenient distractions for children when they need to accomplish tasks
Join us next week as we tackle mom guilt—why we carry it, how to stop letting it control us, and what grace really looks like.
Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, the podcast where two moms, each with her own unique style, come together to navigate the wild ride of motherhood, careers and anxiety.
Speaker 2:I'm Kylie and I'm Gina. There was a time when Kylie and I were direct competitors in corporate America and had different perspectives on growing our careers while managing life and all the things that come with it. But those differences have only made our friendship and our insights richer.
Speaker 1:I like to call it trauma-bonded Gina. What started out as a difference of opinions evolved into a genuine connection. Our journey from varied viewpoints to a supportive friendship has taught us that every approach has its own strength.
Speaker 2:Now, as co-hosts and best friends, we blend generations of wisdom with fresh, modern ideas to explore the challenges, joys and, yes, even the anxieties of being career moms.
Speaker 1:So, whether you're a seasoned pro or just stepping into the wild world of parenting, a new career or new relationships, join us as we share stories, offer advice and sometimes even overthink it all together.
Speaker 2:Grab your favorite cup of tea or coffee and settle in. Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club. I'm Kylie and I'm Gina. Last week we touched on this briefly, but today we're diving into something that's quietly keeping a lot of moms up at night kids and social media and while we were prepping content this week for this conversation, I have a 13-year-old boy and, for starters, he was upset that Nora had some major mentions last week and he didn't. So I guess he wanted to combat that. And Nora actually showed me a post that he had posted to TikTok and I was flabbergasted, absolutely and entirely flabbergasted. So he was laying in his bed at my house for, for context, I am divorced, so you know, obviously we have shared custody and you know, I guess for me I would have maybe felt better if it was at his dad's house. But anyway, clearly in the post he was hanging out in his room, which he does a lot of the time. It's it's full blown effort to get him out of the bedroom. And this post has him holding a beer can, which another thing is that my house is a is a sober household, so we don't even have any sort of alcohol on the premise at all. Ok, so he's holding a beer can. It says I'll walk my walk. I'll talk my talk. You could be seven foot 300 pounds. I'll either rock your shit or get my shit rocked.
Speaker 1:My dad raised an asshole, not a bitch, holding a bush light can in my house Interesting. What have I done wrong? Where? What is happening? So what did you do?
Speaker 1:Well, he was still asleep because he likes to game until you know late at night and then sleep until 11, and so my first reaction was to send him a print screen of it and say not appropriate, take this down right now. And obviously I need to follow up and have a more serious conversation about it, just because there's so many things wrong with this I don't even understand. So Nora then informed me that he has they both have multiple accounts and that he has her blocked so he can post crazy things like this, I guess, and and won't be told on. But he made a mistake and and posted it from account that that she's not yeah, she's not blocked from. And then we kind of dove into it and found out that, like I said, they both have multiple accounts. She even has a burner account, which made me laugh.
Speaker 1:It's a funny topic, but at the end of the day, it really got me thinking, I don't know. It was a reality check for me that we need to have some serious boundaries in this household and his dad's household and things like this are not OK. Right, and he's 13. Like, I can't even imagine, at the age of 13, posting this, talking about this, texting my friends about this, let alone posting it on a platform for the world to see. Right, and it's a competition with them who has has the most followers 2,000, 3,000 followers, and I think you know, we know, after this week of monitoring social media and views and different things like that, I think that it's super easy to become obsessed with it.
Speaker 2:Well, so even in you talking about that, I was actually talking to my nephew over the weekend even about the subject, because he's a teacher in a high school and I, you know, and he even said he's like you know, ultimately kids, they just aren't old enough and they're developed mentally even enough to even take on the likes and followers and what that all brings with it and how obsessed you can become. I mean, think of adults and how much they become obsessed over those things. Being a kid, I can't even imagine. I'm thankful that I was not raised with any social media when I was a kid, because I just think it adds so much more drama into your life and you know it's very easy to become addicted to something and it's easy enough to get addicted to your phone, just to be on your phone.
Speaker 2:Now, all of a sudden you're addicted because, well, how many people liked me? And then do I identify with how many likes I have? Well, somebody didn't like me, kind of like. Goes back to what we were talking about even last week was, you know, people liking your kids? Just because when they walk in the room they get that you know uncomfortable feeling or the glare from another kid, and all of a sudden you have it in your face 24 hours a day on the phone. They liked, they didn't like, they even made a rude comment, you know. Oh, but this person at least said something good about me.
Speaker 1:I just can't even imagine this whole thing to me is just, it's a lot for kids and I do think that there has to be boundaries, for sure, somehow or another. So they have TikTok, instagram, snapchat. We didn't, we didn't grow up with this. I, in my generation at least, I remember the days of MySpace and you could customize your, your background and your fonts and your pictures and things like that.
Speaker 1:This is a whole nother. This is a whole nother realm and we're going in blind and trying to figure this out and clearly I haven't had enough restrictions or monitoring or whatever the case may be. I've seen that you can have apps that help, like parental controls and downloads, so now I'm kind of looking into some of that just to see backing it down. I don't know at this point if it's taking phones away, taking computers away. I don't know, because I also feel like there is this you know the kids are all talking about it, so you also have the pressure of everybody else has it, and I know that's not a way to parent or all of the things. But we're busy moms, we're working moms.
Speaker 2:It becomes a lot, well, and I think the other thing about it is is that taking stuff away all the time can also create rebellion. Now you have another problem that you have to deal with as well. It just it can become a vicious cycle, depending on the situation.
Speaker 1:And there's the shame and the guilt of feeling like you're being too strict or you're being too chill. You're compared with other moms. Well, so-and-so's mom lets her have one. Her kid has a phone. Why can't I have a phone? It's just the social pressure and how we handle it and it's like the world of the unknowns it is.
Speaker 2:It's definitely, I think, a difficult. It's a difficult subject all in all, and you know and as parents look, how much all the parents are scrolling, looking, entertaining themselves, you know, getting on to different things, having followers themselves, and they're getting obsessed with it. And then all of a sudden they're going to tell our kids well, you can't be obsessed with it, only I can. I'm the adult, I'm able to manage. So I just think it is hard, it just makes it difficult. The world that we live in with social media is very tricky to navigate through. You know, I mean, when my boys were young, all that they were doing and realistically I should have been watching, but it was Family Guy, you know, all those kind of shows which I do find hilarious. Which can we pause?
Speaker 1:and talk about that for a second. There are so many things built into TV and even kids shows. You know my sister-in-law mentioned her boys watching Marvel and like the almost like subliminal messaging and the inappropriateness and different things within these with these cartoons yes, it's nothing like it used to be like what happened to Ren and.
Speaker 1:Stimpy, they weren't nasty. What I don't understand and and so it's coming from all, it's coming from all angles. And so do you take that stricter approach where you not only monitor screen time and tv time and and all of the things, but then also both of my children, I think starting in the third grade, have computers School assigned computers to do their work on, so you can limit them so much, but then do they fall behind in school because they don't know how to use a computer? I don't know. I don't know, but it seems like no one wants to admit how much we're struggling with this. We would love your thoughts. So, once this episode drops, give us some feedback, let us know. I would love.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I'm a mom of 13 and 10. Wyatt will be 14 in October. But I would love to know what safeguards you have in place, what you use, what your restrictions look like, and and you know all of the things because we're learning. We're here to do this together. We're going to talk about the uncomfortable things, hopefully learn from them and grow together. Obviously, constant monitoring is in my future.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you definitely. I think finding ways to get our kids out of the rooms, out of in front of being in social media, find things that are that are fun. I'm sure there's things that people are doing that are listening, that can give some great advice to the things that they're doing that makes their kids excited about something else as well.
Speaker 1:And I will tell you, I had a conversation with my sister-in-law because a few weeks ago my mom I was, I don't even remember, I think we were at a baseball game or something and she's like you will never guess what happened this week. And she so, for context, she babysits. I have an older brother that has three boys and I have a younger brother that has two boys and a girl and she's always, always, always got kids with her all the time. And she said they were sneaking downstairs. So my younger brother and sister-in-law monitor YouTube and monitor screen time and all of the things. And so they had gotten to a point where it felt like the kids were becoming obsessed with YouTube and what they were watching and different things.
Speaker 1:And so my mom has them during the day and she's like they were sneaking downstairs and watching YouTube. And we were there and we were playing outside and we were swinging and doing all of the things and one of them refused to come outside and we're like come outside and play. And he's like I'm so tired, I'm so tired. Well, come to find out they were downstairs watching YouTube because they can't at home. And so my mom was cute because she's like, well, looking back anytime, I would open the door to go downstairs, because she'll go downstairs and check on them, play with them, whatever she's like. They would meet me halfway up the stairs she's like and then I would do whatever I had to do and I'd go back up and if I didn't close the door, someone would run up and make sure the door was closed tight. So not only were they sneaking YouTube, they were well aware of what they were doing and trying to hide it. And we're talking five, six and seven year olds, it's just we live in a different world.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's like my grandson, you know he's four and it won't be long and he's going to be five and he's, you know, he wants to watch different things and he's, but he's not overly obsessed into TV, but he loves him. Some YouTube, loves that YouTube, and there is a lot of different subliminal things in there that I am just shocked by and I just and I know, as he watches this, it's kind of like you know, we try to gear towards different shows or different things, but there's times where you can tell that that's they'll be like ready for their parents to like go ahead and leave, cause we're just gonna hang out here and we're going to watch these shows. You know, get away with something that they can do for a longer period of time and they're a lot at home. Because they're at home, they are strict, they definitely keep it as only so much TV and only so much that you're going to have watching any of these different things.
Speaker 2:Or at my house, you know, we might be doing some different stuff, and if they're doing it, I'll go get busy doing my other things and they come back here thinking, ok, guys, maybe we do need to get off. We shouldn't probably live on the YouTube over at my house just because it's my house and not your own. But it becomes difficult just managing me even getting used to it, because I didn't have social media stuff like that with the boys that I had to get that concerned over. Some of it a little maybe started, but not much. Nothing that was a big concern. There's still normal stuff.
Speaker 1:So you know two things I want to say is that my sister-in-law did say that she took away TV for two days and they were literally changed kids. She said she saw them more, they wanted to help in the kitchen. They use their imaginations. So she actually made the switch permanently Just recently. She she told him it wasn't a punishment and one of them said, yeah, yeah, it is, it is.
Speaker 1:He feels like it's a punishment but it's just going to be their life moving forward because, like we you know we've talked about we've we've got to monitor the stuff because it's out of control. So she said that he's only asked once to watch when they've been at home and the answer was no. So they played, dress up and went outside and played and they, they learned to entertain, you know entertain. They played, dress up and went outside and played and they, they learned to entertain, you know, entertain themselves like like kids should. In response to that, I sent her my son's TikTok. I'm like well, if you think it's bad, if you think it's bad, you have no idea how. How am I going to handle this?
Speaker 2:Right, but I think that's the thing.
Speaker 2:I think it's about taking a step, though, like she did, making some of those changes and getting your kids on board to do other things and making sure that we're not on social media, sitting around in front of our kids scrolling and doing things all the time that they feel that that they should have that time just as much as we do, when, if we spend that time instead helping them with their imagination, getting them out, doing some things outside, just being active, you know, being involved with other people that eventually I think they have a lot to gain.
Speaker 2:Just like I always worry, too, with these younger kids, their relationships. I mean you hear all these stories, even about adults and starting to have relationships with AI. I mean it's our kids could be really geared for these different types of relationships. They don't talk to each other the way that we were forced to talk to each other. I mean you know now you're not, or you have these, even dating sites and things like that. I mean it's just very simple Click, click, ok, yep, sure, I mean I'll meet you tonight, no big deal, and I don't really have to have a lot of conversation with you, absolutely.
Speaker 1:One hundred percent. I wanted to touch on how we are so guilty of putting the screens in front of them for convenience. Yes, so whether we are busy at home, I mean when you're a working parent and I think both of us after after not only the first episode, but having our first set of views and different things, as we want to make it crystal clear that, while we are called the anxiety ridden moms club, this isn't just, this isn't just for moms. It can be moms, dads, pet moms, it is our name, but we want to talk about anxiety and just things happening, happening in the world.
Speaker 1:So sorry to kind of go off topic there, but I wanted to throw out that disclaimer and where I was going with that is just that we're, when you're a working parent and even stay at home parents if you want to get laundry done, clean the bathroom, whatever the case may be we're so guilty of putting them in front of that screen as a distraction. What did my parents do when they wanted to get something done or when they were at work? Like, how did we? Is that coloring, is it reading books? Whatever it's? Just, how are we developing these kids to live the rest of their lives. I mean that alone gives me anxiety, whether it's me and my family out to eat or just seeing the families around you, that the little ones have screens to distract them from, I don't know, acting like little assholes in public, whatever the case may be. So we have to be cognizant of that, we have to be careful of that and we all have to do better.
Speaker 2:I agree, I agree. I think it's about partnering with each other, giving each other ideas, helping each other, just so that we're all better. If no one's told you lately, let me be the one to say it You're not failing, you're growing, you're not broken, you're becoming and you're doing better than you think.
Speaker 1:Thanks, for being here today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you'd subscribe, leave a or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. You can also connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at TheARMC. We'd love to hear your story.
Speaker 2:Until next time, give yourself grace, breathe deep and remember. Peace is possible. And if social media stress wasn't, enough.
Speaker 1:next week we're diving into something every mom feels and almost no one talks about out loud mom guilt, whether it's skipping bedtime stories, forgetting spirit day or just needing five minutes alone in the bathroom.
Speaker 2:You're not alone.
Speaker 1:Episode three is all about why we carry the guilt, how to stop letting it run the show and what grace really looks like. We'll see you next week.