The ARMC
Two anxiety ridden Moms and professionals taking on life and work. We've come together to talk about it all and formed The Anxiety Ridden Moms Club or ARMC for short. Welcome to our show, we look forward at what's to come. Thank you for joining us every week for a new episode.
The ARMC
Pregnancy Unfiltered: The Real Story
From societal pressures to physical transformations, we explore the raw realities of pregnancy beyond the glossy maternity photoshoots. Our conversation delves into the anxiety, body changes, and overwhelming mental load that comes with preparing to bring a new life into the world.
• Challenging societal expectations about when, how, and if to have children
• Kylie's experience with preeclampsia and having a premature baby in the NICU
• Gina's pregnancy challenges and discovering it triggered ulcerative colitis
• The unexpected physical changes like extreme swelling and postpartum body transformations
• Finding balance between gratitude for pregnancy while acknowledging difficult moments
• Setting boundaries with visitors and creating a support system for after birth
• The importance of choosing medical providers who make you feel comfortable
• Resources like "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy that discuss pregnancy realities
• Giving yourself grace and permission to not enjoy every moment of pregnancy
Remember, you don't have to love every moment to be a good mom. You're already doing a hard and beautiful thing, and we see you.
Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, the podcast where two moms, each with her own unique style, come together to navigate the wild ride of motherhood, careers and anxiety.
Speaker 2:I'm Kylie and I'm Gina. There was a time when Kylie and I were direct competitors in corporate America and had different perspectives on growing our careers while managing life and all the things that come with it, but those differences have only made our friendship and our insights richer. I like to call it.
Speaker 1:Trauma bonded Gina. What started out as a difference of opinions evolved into a genuine connection.
Speaker 2:Our journey from varied viewpoints to a supportive friendship has taught us that every approach has its own strength. Now, as co-hosts and best friends, we blend generations of wisdom with fresh, modern ideas to explore the challenges, joys and, yes, even the anxieties of being career moms.
Speaker 1:So, whether you're a seasoned pro or just stepping into the wild world of parenting, a new career or new relationships, join us as we share stories, offer advice and sometimes even overthink it all together.
Speaker 2:Grab your favorite cup of tea or coffee and settle in.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club where we get real about motherhood, career relationships and, of course, anxiety. I'm Kylie.
Speaker 2:And I'm Gina. Today's episode is a big one, literally and figuratively. We're talking about pregnancy, not the cute maternity shoot kind. We mean the real stuff, the anxiety, the body changes, the unsolicited advice, the weird symptoms no one warned us about.
Speaker 1:And the mental load, because somehow the second you find out you're pregnant, you're expected to also know how to raise a human. No pressure, let's start at the very beginning, Finding out you're pregnant.
Speaker 2:That moment can be filled with joy, fear, disbelief, excitement or all of the above. Kylie, do you remember what you were thinking at that time?
Speaker 1:Okay. So I feel like I need to back it up even further than that and the pressure that so many people feel and just the stories I've seen or heard so many people, even even close to me, have battled infertility and I feel like there is such a stigmatism around everyone else's expectations on when you're supposed to start a family and god forbid, you get me, you get pregnant before you're married. Um, but obviously, obviously in today's day and age, like people are having babies before they get married, they want to be parents more than they want to be married, married husband and wife. And you know, for me, I know that I I wanted to have babies young because my parents did and now I mean they may laugh as they're watching their, their grandkids every day of the week. I wanted to have babies young because my parents did and now I mean they may laugh as they're watching their grandkids every day of the week, but I feel like they get the opportunity to really live their lives and enjoy lives and enjoy their kids and grandkids because they had kids young. So I always had in my head I wanted three kids, I wanted them young and, yeah, I had that second one and then I stopped. I stopped after baby number two.
Speaker 1:So another shout out for Nora there. But I don't know. I just wanted to talk about, like I said, just the expectations that everyone else puts on us as women, and men too, of when to start your family. You know, the second you get married, it's it's. When are you gonna have babies? When are you gonna do this? Well, god, god forbid, somebody doesn't want to have kids. What if that's not in their plan? They want to, they want to travel the world and they don't. They, they just want a golden doodle.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but right well, and you know, I think it's kind of funny because my mom actually just the other day sat down and was talking about when she was younger and she has a sibling who was starting their family. But being that they're Italian, you know, and I love me, the Italian side of my family, it is my favorite. But of course they want you to expand, right, they want you to have more kids, and especially back then it was a big thing. So my mom was even telling me that her father was saying why aren't they having another one yet? Is there a problem? What's wrong? What's going on? You need to go find out, because we got to get this fixed and it's just it is.
Speaker 2:It's always, I think, had pressures around. You know, how many are you going to have, are you? You know, we want a bigger family, we want to grow, but just because sometimes your parents, your grandparents, want you to grow, you have to be there too, right. And then you have some people nowadays I see on TikTok, and they want to have like 12. Okay, like it's a whole other realm of a story right there. I mean to have 12 of them. I just cannot imagine. But you're probably a very efficient family and it's good for them. But everybody definitely has their views and ideas and I think it does put a lot of pressure on people for sure.
Speaker 1:I just I want to, I want to normalize doing what you want. And I think that we'll say over and over and over again, like we got to stop caring what, what other people think, and you have to do what's best for you. And that means, if you want to have a baby by yourself, have a freaking baby by yourself. If you know, whatever the circumstances are, feel comfortable in the decision that you make and wear it with pride, and you owe no one an explanation for why you're doing what you're doing.
Speaker 2:My oldest actually even just said to us about a week ago.
Speaker 2:He told me he we were all together hanging out in the pool having a good time and he plays a lot with my grandsons.
Speaker 2:And the next day he messages me and tells me so my fiance and I have decided yeah, we don't want any kids and I think that they're the perfect couple for like traveling and doing fun things together and enjoying life in a different way, and I think that's what fits them. But I just laughed because it was like so funny to me that he was like making his decision, like we finalized that, and I've always told my kids you guys have to live your own lives and do what you want and what makes you happy, and so I was so glad when he made the decision and he just shares it with me and we can chat about it and make life something different, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I have plenty of friends who didn't have kids and their lives are pretty exciting actually All the traveling they get to do and the fun stuff, so every person can enjoy life in a different way.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say, and there are probably people out there and couples out there that can travel with their 15 kids and they love it and do it great. I actually have a friend we've lost touch since high school but she's everywhere. She has three and they're just. They're all over the world and I just don't think that's the person that I am. I get so freaking, stressed out and even something like your seat on the plane will get in my head two weeks prior. That's like what if I can't sit with my kids? And what if I can't? Like? I just am not built for that. Yes, but you know there are people out there that do it well and do it right. So that's where, again circling back to, you've got to do what's right for you and your family and not let anything or anyone make your decisions for you. Make your decisions for you. So let me ask did your son? Do you think that he felt nervous?
Speaker 2:telling you that? No, cause I I would. I would hope not, but no, I don't think so I am. I am very big on always telling my kids, especially when they were younger. I would tell them all the time. Once you move out of my house and you're paying your own bills, then a line gets drawn for me. So at the end of the day, I want to become where we're more on a better friendship kind of level at that point, cause I mean, when they're kids you don't get a choice but to just be their mom, right and so you get a choice and some people make the wrong choice, but that's for another episode, another day.
Speaker 2:But ultimately I just feel like when we got to that point we've done a lot of just growing in our friendship. So I always tell them I just want their life to be what they want it to be, that they're happy because I'm not here for their entire life, so they might as well enjoy it. And I don't want to be blamed for anything either. Remember, you know this is my job and I'm doing it because my mother made me Like I don't want any of that. You know that just pressures me too much. So no, he had no problem. All my kids have told me kind of what they want and what they don't want and have made decisions for their own situations and I support every single one of them because I think that they make the decisions I would kind of expect. You know, as a mom, you kind of know what they should probably be doing.
Speaker 1:I'm going to raise awesome humans because we are doing this podcast and I am learning so so much from you, which I love, and kind of taking it back or taking it into kind of the episode that we had planned and planned to talk about. When I say I am learning so much from you, I'm learning that redheads have a whole different pregnancy experience and that lots of things are different for redheads. So, for, obviously, this is audio only and no visual, but my co-host, Gina, is a redhead and just this week I've learned that lots of things happen differently for redheads than they do for everyone else. Now I also want to preference this in saying I did not have any issues getting pregnant. That was, that was not my issue when the thought came up about trying it. It happened and and that's just how it went for me. I uh you know anybody again, I just want to be sensitive to the fact that infertility is out there, it's real and it is. It affects so many, so many people. So not not bragging about it, but that was not an issue for me. It was, uh, having healthy pregnancy and carrying the baby full term. So with my oldest, who is now 13, healthy, thriving, all of the things.
Speaker 1:He was born at 29 weeks and five, five days, so he was two and a half months early and he was two pounds four and a half ounces. So he was itty bitty, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny. When he was born, um, I had preeclampsia and it was a nasty experience, the pregnancy part for me. I remember calling the doctor and saying something is not right, something is not right, and they said to cut back on my salt intake. And my mom was like, no, that's not right. And again, we'll. We'll save that for another episode, talking about fighting for yourselves because nobody else will. Yes, yes, but um, I'm so glad that my mom pushed, you know, for resolution. She's like, okay, we'll go home and prop your feet up and if it's not better in the morning, we're going in the emergency room.
Speaker 1:And I remember laying in the emergency room and my cousin, who now is a nurse practitioner and actually just had her, her second baby, a few days ago, so shout out to her doing the mom thing and uh, oh God, he's so cute he is, he is so cute, but I, I don't want any more.
Speaker 1:I love babies but I do not want any more. So, anyway, I remember being in the emergency room and my cousin and my mom were out in the hall talking and I was like no, no, no, no, no, whatever's being said can be said in here. And so I was in a I don't wanna say small town hospital, but I was in a smaller hospital, and they were in the hallway discussing my transfer to the big city, to St Louis, where we are so freaking fortunate to have the hospitals and the care that we do in the St Louis Missouri area. Definitely, definitely. And that day, so the day before, I was told to decrease my salt intake. The next day I was being transferred via ambulance to St Mary's Hospital in Clayton to be monitored and they told me I wasn't going home until I had a baby.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's got to be extremely scary. Yes, so we and I was right at 29 weeks, and so we got over to St Mary's and I was in the hospital for about five days and they do this, they do this test on the baby. They did it, I think, like five times a day or something, where they would check for certain different, certain things, and, um, it was like a score of eight. And so, as far as movement and all of the things that happened inside there, I don't know, but they scale it on a scale to eight. And then I, the next Saturday, um, they said we're going to have to, we're going to have to take him and again, I was fortunate enough that they got me transferred over and, uh, got the shots to try to help, you know, speed up his lungs and different things. And I had Y at VSC section, October, October 8th 2011.
Speaker 1:My mom was actually in the delivery room with me because my ex-husband is. He is great at a lot of things, but calming me down was was not one of them. So when we were deciding who was going to be in there, they're like you need the person that's going to keep you calm and he's like, yeah, that's not me, that's not me. So he was, he was quick to turn down the invitation but uh, my mom got to witness and I was out of it cause I, you know, had had a C-section, so, but my mom got to witness chest compressions on my two pound baby, Um, and probably something that she'll never get out of her, out of her head.
Speaker 1:So, not not meaning to ramble, but uh, that's just kind of my story about pregnancy and why, you know, I fought hard. I had lost a hundred pounds before I had Nora, I carried her to term and I went in to get induced and before they even started the Pitocin her heart rate dropped and I had to be taken for an emergency C-section again. So I am not great at having the baby or carrying the baby.
Speaker 1:So this podcast or this, this episode specifically, um, it's just not my thing so so I'm going to toss it over to Gina quite a bit, because it's just not something that I enjoy, but anyway. So finding out I was pregnant, then the reason I told the Wyatt story is because if you do the math from my anniversary date to Wyatt's due date, it doesn't add up. But we got pregnant very quickly because, like I said, I wanted to have kids. I wanted to have kids very early on, like my parents did, and so if you do the math it doesn't add up. But I did wait until I was married, like two days.
Speaker 2:So that's okay. That's okay, yeah, doesn't make any difference, right, yeah, and so I obviously all of the things joy, fear, disbelief and excitement.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, and I think pregnancy brings seriously all of that. So I think the one thing, honestly, as we've gone through so far the episodes, I've never you've talked a lot about who your kids are, and I really haven't. I just say I have them right, so that everyone understands. I have four children. My two oldest are actually my husband's and then I have the next two, so I have my two only, have had the two pregnancies Now I've raised all four of them, so they are all for my kids. Just to be clear, because I there is no difference. It's just that I don't get to, I don't get to have the joy of talking about the pregnancies for the other two, and it's some one of the things I've always told them I wish I would have had. But so my first pregnancy was with Austin, so he's the third one in line. So we have Tommy, who's my oldest, then Casey, then Austin and then my baby Kylie. So with Austin.
Speaker 1:I was just preference that it is a different Kylie and it's not me, it is she. Gina's Kylie looks exactly like, exactly like her. So just something we have in common, but we're not the same. I am not. Gina's Kylie looks exactly like her. So just something we have in common, but we're not the same. I am not Gina's daughter.
Speaker 2:So with Austin it took me a little bit to get pregnant. So I've not always been where it's quick, where all of a sudden I have a lot of friends that do have that. Well boy, I just I felt like having a baby and well, it just happened. It does take me time, but once I get pregnant I feel like how much time with Austin it took about eight months. With Kylie it took almost two years. It did, and I didn't do anything to help anything along. I just kind of gave it to God as to when I get them, but it just didn't happen quickly for me.
Speaker 2:I don't really know why, but once I'm pregnant it's easy enough, except for I say that in the aspect that I would tell you that when I got pregnant with Austin, it wasn't very far into the pregnancy that I started having a lot of symptoms and they said you either have Crohn's or ulcerative colitis. So we'll just see how you feel through this pregnancy. We can't test you, do anything until you have him. If that gets to be too bad, we'll take him early and then we'll test you. So I didn't want to do that.
Speaker 2:So I just it was a sick pregnancy. I was sick a lot, I threw up a lot, I just felt miserable a lot and at the end I swelled a lot. So I didn't really weight wise gain so much weight. But if you needed to reduce your salt intake which I cannot do, I'm just kidding, I cannot do I've looked at the low sodium diets that is not for me. As I said, I was Italian, we know we, we like salt, so, um, it probably would have been smart for me to do that, Cause if you would have seen, I had to go up in sizes of shoes because I had just one big toe. I didn't have individuals anymore, they were just so swollen, I just looked. I looked like a mess.
Speaker 1:At the end, oh, I can relate, because I had gained like 76 pounds of just pure water, and that's when my mom's like something's wrong. I had actually. It's so funny that you mentioned that shoe thing, because I had actually called and said I need different shoes, like my shoes hurt because and she came home with these, you know, big ass slides, slide sandals, because my mom is the goat greatest of all time, for sure. But she came up with some bigger pants and some bigger shoes, but also recognized that something wasn't right. So I can relate to that swelling part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not, it's not fun. But when I had my delivery with him, I had two very different experiences between my kids because my with Austin he was had his, he was down and engaged three weeks prior to his due date. So, um, I ended up that he broke my water when I was at home six days early and I went to the hospital and I would have probably had no problem. I would have delivered him like in four hours, just like that, if I, if he wouldn't have had his head cocked kind of sideways so they had to sit and spin him around. So when he came out, um, it was a little difficult on me and it was interesting on the size of his head.
Speaker 1:So back to taking a while for you to get pregnant. Were you the type and you said give it to God, Did you buy stock in pregnancy tests? Or you just kind of wrote it out?
Speaker 2:You weren't like the test every month type person, you just because I knew that would make me crazy and it was already like kind of gets to you anyway, and so I didn't want to make it worse, so I just had to. Just if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. My mom didn't have any problems getting pregnant. She was like you, I want to get pregnant today. Okay, when it came to me, it just took a while. Yeah, to this day I'm scared.
Speaker 2:I'm like don't look at me, I'll get pregnant. So not me. But I'm glad though, on the other hand, that my pregnancies were. I mean, if I had not had where it flared up to cause me to end up with ulcerative colitis, I think I would have been had. My pregnancies would have been simple and easy. Um, because with Kylie it was no problem at all. I mean, her pregnancy was easy, delivery was easy. I mean, everything about it was just simple. So it's just.
Speaker 2:You know, autoimmune wanted to flare up on me and it does make you sick. So, and not that much fun. But you know, you deal, you deal. But I will say the cone head portion. So, for all of you women that are thinking about getting pregnant or are pregnant, don't be surprised if your kid's head is very long. And so I would take Austin's little cap and put it over his head, and then, every so often, I'd slowly run it up the front of his head and be like oh boy, and then we'd bring it back down. I'd be like he's so cute, and then he'd pull that head up again. He'd be like oh God, and then you pull it back down. It's okay, it does go back into shape, it comes back.
Speaker 1:That's something that I didn't realize, because I had two C-section babies and Wyatt was so tiny and so hairy and he spent some time under a Billy light for his Billy Rubin levels, so he was very orange and it's possible early on he resembled a monkey and a very hairy little guy. Um, that his first so he was born October 8th and his first Halloween. I bought his Halloween costume from Build-A-Bear. He was so tiny and they don't make so it was either a dog costume or Build-A-Bear. So I went to Build-A-Be bear and bought him his first Halloween costume. So, but we spent two months in the in the NICU and, luckily for me, I got to bring my baby home.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And there are so many people out there that that that don't get that. So everybody has their their own experiences good, bad or indifferent and we are here and appreciate all of the stories. So if you've got any pregnancy stories, send them our way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, We'd love to hear them and share with each other and try to help anyone new or to trying to get pregnant are pregnant. Just to help them along that path would be great. Any advice that people have would be wonderful to be able to share with them, For sure.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about when you got pregnant and kind of the anxiety that goes with that. You know, are you ready? Is my body ready? What am I supposed to be eating? Googling what not to eat when you're pregnant, reading books, different things like that. So let's talk a little bit about the body changes and the mental load that kind of comes along with.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, here let me just stop you. First off, I'm not a big reader, so people gave me pregnancy books. I never read them. I probably should have, but I didn't. I wish I would have. I know there's some good ones out there and I think that it was something that more of you probably should be doing, and not taking my advice on the not reading the books portion of it, cause it probably would ease some of your concerns and worries and stuff like that. So, but I do know that you actually had a book and you read it.
Speaker 1:I did. I am trying every New Year's, I kind of set a goal to read a certain amount of books and I never really hit that. But I will say a lot of people gifted me different books. There's the what to Expect when You're Expecting series, which I think is a good one, but it's very, very dry in my opinion and just matter of fact, which is good for some people and some people enjoy that.
Speaker 1:But someone had given me the book called Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy and it was the best gift somebody could have ever ever given me. And it goes through all of the things that it's real. It's real and it's raw. So a couple of the chapter titles Honey, your Sperm Really Does Work. Psycho Chick Through Hormonal Rage, niagara In my Pants. So you know it hits everything, it hits absolutely everything. I can either pee or you can get the hell out of my way. So shout out to Jenny McCarthy for her book Belly Laughs, because it is an excellent read and it just gives it to you real and raw and that that's my kind of read. So there were lots of times and I'm like, oh my god, is this? And she? She touched on a lot of that in in the book. So I will give a shout out to that book, like, yeah, I'm not an avid reader, but that is one that I read through and through and would reference when something would go wrong.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, I think that's the thing is in pregnancy and I do, I can tell you so you know two I've had so far far my daughter-in-law, who's had two pregnancies, and I have my to-be daughter-in-law who is pregnant, and they both do a lot of Googling on, like, what to eat. I didn't do that either. And they'll say, you know, you're not supposed to eat this, did you know you're not supposed to have that? I will say that I think books like that are probably a good read, for the reality of it is sometimes over Googling, over reading into these serious things can make it more stressful and have more anxiety. I mean, we are growing a human.
Speaker 2:But they'll say, did you do this when you were pregnant? But I mean, did you do that? And I'm like, yeah, no, I didn't do that. Wait, don't you think your man's fine? You look fine to me, so I think we did all right. So don't stress over all of the things you're supposed to do. So even like the little bit that I saw on that book for belly laughs looked like it would have been more of a thing I probably would have actually read, because it doesn't. Pregnancy shouldn't be taken so seriously that your anxiety ridden to the point that it's stressful.
Speaker 1:And that's my you know my sister-in-law. Well, both of them had had babies after me, but they'd be sitting there having a conversation. They're like, well, you know, since I'm pregnant, I can't have that. And I'm like, oh my God, I ate that the whole time. What is happening, you know and that, so that alone you're. You're absolutely correct that that things like that, bringing anxiety upon you and stress, isn't good ever, let alone when you're pregnant. So it's good to keep it in check, because that stuff can make you spiral. For sure. A lot of people too, like I was pregnant and I had a night out, which I don't condone drinking or smoking when you're pregnant, but obviously early on, when you don't know, you don't know, you don't know.
Speaker 2:Well, I didn't know, I was out partying it up, having the best time of my life. I really had way too many shots and all of a sudden the next day, I'm like I don't know why, I have a feeling, but I maybe should probably test and I was like, oh my God, I just like drank all those shots last night and had so many chips and and cheese, velveeta dip, and I'm like I think that's all just bad when you're pregnant Probably. But he's okay, austin, you're fine.
Speaker 1:Austin, if you're hearing this and this is why you have some you know other underlying issue. No, it's my fault and I'm sorry. That's life and it's it's early on and and things happen, so it's nothing to nothing to to stress out.
Speaker 2:Well, just like I even tell him he was a lazy baby, so, like when I was pregnant, he wouldn't move a lot. So sometimes I'd be like you know, you always hear these women even talk about well, I didn't feel movement. So then they'd go to the doctors and then they'd be like we got to put you in the hospital for a day. I mean, so I'd get scared, so I'd grab ahold of my stomach and I'd shake it really hard. Oh my God, he would. He kicked me a couple of times. Austin, stop listening.
Speaker 1:If you are here, stop stop listening.
Speaker 2:And I'd be like, okay, whew, you're fine, no problem. But if I didn't do it, I would have been paranoid and probably the doctor's office every other day, cause he would just if he moved. It was like a sloth. Your belly would kind of move and he'd go the other way and then he'd lay down and then, I don't know, it'd be hours on end before you'd feel maybe a slight little movement again. And uh, that's probably why he was such a like easygoing kid to begin with. But it was sometimes scary when you're pregnant. But his cammy, that's pregnant now with their daughter, all of a sudden she'll be like well, I was trying to get her to kick and she said so I shook my belly and he was like stop doing that. And I started laughing. I said, well, I didn't do you. All the time you look fine, don't you? I don't know, maybe that's why he has a cone head, like it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's very, very possible. That's funny. They always said drink, drink something sugary. You know, I Wyatt was oh my gosh, he was such an easy baby and I think it's because he spent two months in the NICU so he learned how to sleep through every bell and whistle and scream and cry and anything in between so that kid can sleep like like no one's business. So when Nora came around and she didn't sleep like that, I was like what the hell is this? Um, so you know, I guess one of the things about, uh, a NICU baby is they can. They're good sleepers because they they start off in a very NICU baby is they can. They're good sleepers because they they start off in a very, very loud environment.
Speaker 1:They also gave him, when he had, like small procedures for for whatever, and they didn't want to put him under general anesthetic. Obviously he was. He was so little and when he got off the vent they did everything that they could not to get him back on. And again, I know I mentioned it before, but shout out to the St Louis region pediatric hospitals. So we have Children's and Cardinal Glennon and they are two of the best hospitals in the world. So people come from all over to go to these hospitals because of the best care and I am so, so, so, so grateful for them. So Wyatt was at Cardinal Glennon and any small procedures they would give him these things called Sweeties and they were sugar water and so the sugar water they would just drop little sugar water to distract him from whatever they were doing.
Speaker 1:And that kid loves chocolate Like I have never chocolate and sweets. He is a chocolate sweet kid so he can sleep and he loves sweets and I blame those both on the NICU. So back into it. How are your hormones? Cause I feel like one minute I was crying at a puppy commercial. The next I had convinced my, my now ex-husband, that he was breathing too loudly on purpose, just to just to upset me. So how are your hormones going through it?
Speaker 2:Honestly, I don't. I don't know. My husband could probably tell you a little better, but I think I'm pretty chill. So I didn't have a whole lot of, I would say, hormonal issues per se. I didn't have a lot of mood swings, but I just really I don't know. I think I had at times where I would just feel exhausted and tired and overwhelmed about what was coming and what did I have to do, and those kind of feelings. You know, I think definitely that nesting phase they always talk about. I definitely went through that where I'd have to be like I got to get everything in order. I have to have it ready, I have to have this done. I think I had a lot of that going on, more than I had, where I was raging and angry and crying, and I didn't have a lot of that. I just kind of was more of like keep myself busy. If I kept myself busy, I don't have time to be in a bad mood.
Speaker 1:For sure, for sure. I know. You know, when I was in the hospital I would feel, you know, sometimes I remember I was so, so, so sick and I remember one time saying just get him out of me, just get this thing out of me, I can't live like this, like all of the things. And sometimes, you know, you feel guilty for not being grateful 24-7. And that's something that I still think about to this day. It's like what would I do? Oh my gosh, like getting emotional just thinking about it, but like I can't imagine my life without that kid Right. And so you know I feel guilty for not being grateful and for forever having those thoughts.
Speaker 2:But you know, newsflash, you can be thankful and overwhelmed and all at the same time and I have all of those feelings all in one for sure.
Speaker 2:I do think that one of the things that I've as I say, I even got myself ready and prepared for everything One thing I did not prepare for which I do encourage, in fact try to even discuss with my kids about is the fact that I didn't really talk to family members or think about how do I want things to play out later for help Because I'm one who doesn't ask for help, so I didn't think about even needing to maybe talk about it ahead of time. So I definitely talked to them about it. In regards to you know what is it that you want from me? What's your expectations that you have of me? You know what can I do to help you? What would you want me to do or not? Do I think that those things? That definitely is something that, when you're nesting and getting the baby room in order, start thinking about how to take care of yourself after you have this baby.
Speaker 1:And what can people do? Setting some healthy boundaries too. You know people, people want to. I feel like people are very normally very respectful when you're in the hospital, but once you you bring baby home and you know, make your boundaries clear and if you, it's okay to say no. So if you don't feel like company and that was something for me and again, shout out to my mom because she would either cater to the people or she would just say like no, she's not feeling it Cause you don't wanna. You wanna be grateful for the people that wanna be there to support you and support your new baby and all of those things.
Speaker 1:But anytime someone's over at your house, you feel like you have to host. You know is, is the house picked up? Is you know whatever, whatever it is, we have those anxieties and those overwhelming thoughts about you know, not that everything has to be perfect, but you have to make sure the dirty diapers are all picked up and everything's in order. So anytime someone's over at your house, you feel like you're hosting. And once you're sleep deprived, you're in pain. Regardless of how you gave birth, each whether it's a vaginal delivery or a C-section each come with their own Recovery, their own recovery and set of things.
Speaker 1:So if you don't feel like company, you tell people you don't feel like company and if, say, early on or when you're pregnant, that like oh yeah, I won't care when people come over, but you come home and you're like I just need some some me time, you know, my biggest piece of advice that someone gave me and it was the best was you sleep when they sleep and you don't want people in your house. Now my people and this kind of will bridge us into episode number two is building your. The next episode shouldn't say episode number two, but the next episode is gonna be about building your village and the people around you to support you and help you in all of the stages of life. But raising a kid and you know my village would be cooking or picking up or doing things to help. But that's not everyone, you know. Some people want to come and hold the baby and judge you.
Speaker 2:Well, I think the other thing, especially when it's your first child, you guys have defined your own way you know what I mean Like it's a change in your life to bring in this child, the lack of sleep, the how do you get the baby to stop crying when they're crying, and understand each other? I mean, there's a whole learning curve and I think sometimes that is a reason why people don't want visitors like you're trying to figure it out already, don't want visitors like you're trying to figure it out already. And maybe after a month you kind of a little bit more settled in and more open to having more people come around and be involved in all those kinds of things. But at the end of the day, if you don't kind of think about that beforehand, you have to realize that you need to, because otherwise you just don't know what's to come. I mean, austin was colicky, screamed all day, threw up every time he ate all the time, and you find a lot of people don't necessarily want to visit you once they know that your kid just screams. That is actually when you do need some help.
Speaker 2:But I don't ask for it, and so it was. It was stressful because I don't ask for any help. I did have one girl that I worked with at the time that she committed to me that every Tuesday she would just come to my house after work and just take care of him. So I didn't have to, which for me was perfect because she would literally get there and I just like here, have him, and she would keep him and hold him and I think, because she wasn't stressed out, he was calmer when she was there. You know it, it, it, so it, which made me just feel like, oh, and I could watch him and he would be happy, and she'd stay all the way until I went to bed, and then I felt like, oh God, cause he was a good sleeper.
Speaker 1:What time did you cut that off? Like was he 18 and she was still?
Speaker 2:coming over on.
Speaker 1:Tuesday. I mean, like I said, my cousin just had a baby and I just that's an incredible idea is just to give her a day. That just be like. I'm going to come over every Wednesday and if you don't like it, tell me, but I'm just going to be there for a couple of hours and I'm going to yeah just give you a break, just so you can relax.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't always have to be like, oh, I put the baby down and I can go sleep. But if you have somebody else that's there while you're just able to, maybe just sit back, relax, kick your feet up on the couch, have normal chit chat like an adult, and yet you know that you watch and you're seeing your baby's happy, perfectly taken care of and you don't have to stress over it. And if you needed to doze off or get some sleep, so go in the other room. You know that you have somebody there to take care of that child, but you're still right there in case something was bad or happened that you need to be there, cause there's a lot of anxiety ridden things about just having your child somewhere else. So sometimes, knowing that they're home, they're right down the hallway with somebody else. You'd know if there's a problem they're going to come and get you. That's probably the best sleep you actually are ever going to get.
Speaker 1:Nora and I had that conversation last week because she's like why do you always sleep in? And I'm like that's interesting, because the weekends that you're with your dad and you're not here, I'm up at the butt crack of dawn and doing all of the things. But when you know both kids and obviously you know my ex is a phenomenal dad and it has this is no way, shape or form any reflection of of him it's just my mama heart. When they are here and at my house and I can sleep and I can relax, and when they're not, I just I always feel, I always feel anxious about that.
Speaker 2:So some of the things too that I can bring up was all, ultimately, you know, especially when you have your, your first, I think you get you kind of understand it after that. But when you have your first first, I think you get you kind of understand it after that. But when you have your first child, is that first initial body changes, right? So for me, um, I became top heavy pretty quickly. So that was, uh, I was so slow, I was like what are you talking about? Hello. And the last time, and when I was growing, up.
Speaker 1:You might need to go away again and the uh.
Speaker 2:When I was growing up I was the last to go through puberty or anything. I was a late bloomer. So when all of a sudden you get pregnant, you're like I didn't know these things could even exist here and it was very quickly. But I do think that going through all those changes of stuff that you get up every day, even, and you feel like I don't know my hips could get that changed and look that way and what's going on with my butt and I just it's crazy how you just develop into your mother's figure and that's a lot of it I was. I'm like I think that kind of is starting to look like my mom.
Speaker 1:But you know, I would love to look like my mom, I'm just saying my yeah, mine's just everywhere and all over the place. And then having two C-sections, I have all of those issues that I will live with, you know, for the rest of my life, until unless I get rich, and then have, you know, surgery, which I am very hopeful for, um, but you know I could have a whole, a whole, nother episode on that. So anyway, sorry to interrupt.
Speaker 2:No, I just think it's a lot. I think there's a lot of different things that happen and change and for some people, I think that they become very stressed about it and, um, and other women are embracing it like no other. And I just think we should realize that pregnancy is beautiful and there is something wonderful about it, and that your body changing is because you're creating something beautiful Instead of focusing on it didn't look like that before and where did this come from? Instead, focus on oh my God, look how great this is. This is all turning into something so wonderful and perfect, and can't wait to meet that child and not worry about all that other stuff. I just think that's what you have to focus on.
Speaker 2:Even my to-be daughter-in-law, cammie she even had said something about going to the doctor and then they always take your weight and it stresses her out really bad. And I told her I said sometimes, when it comes to food, even just think about I'm not eating for me. Just think about you know what does the baby want to eat? And really, what would I feed the baby if the baby was here? Well, you're going to feed the baby, obviously fruits and vegetables and proteins and all the good stuff, right? So just try to be mindful of what you're eating and it'll help you in the end. But don't then we don't stress over it, it's not, and you can still have your ice cream and go get some fast food once in a while, like it's okay and you know you're probably your toughest critic, you know.
Speaker 1:I don't think that anybody else. I don't think that anybody else feels the way that that you feel internally about about some of the changes. Now, I've heard horror stories about doctors, but in my and we both worked in the medical industry you still do, but you've got doctors. I want a doctor that is a good doctor and knows what they're doing, and I recognize that sometimes that means lack of bedside manner. Yeah right, but a lot of people can take that super, super personally. So choose the right, choose the right physician, because I think that sometimes they can make you feel terrible about some of those things Just because, like I said, I want a doctor that's a good doctor and I can handle some, some starkiness or some lack of compassion. You know if they're fixing me, whatever the case may be. But you know some people they want to feel comfortable and they want to have, you know, honest conversations. And when the doctor is like, well, you gained 10 pounds since last time I saw you, you know that can rub you the wrong way.
Speaker 2:So finding a good, you know that's important is to find a physician that you, you drive well with and have a good support team at home, so that way you have that friends and family who support you with whatever, and that you realize you're just growing something great and there's nothing to be concerned about for sure.
Speaker 1:So kind of you know, to wrap this up, what, what, what helped us cope, cope? What are your final, your finishing thoughts here on this pregnancy topic?
Speaker 2:My finishing thoughts are that I think that everyone needs to realize that we have to create boundaries and remind yourselves that everything doesn't need to be figured out today, it's okay. Reach out to family and friends to help, and it'll be fine. Reach out to family and friends to help, and it'll be fine.
Speaker 1:And for me it was letting go of perfection, saying no more and connecting with other moms who got it, not just the Instagram or TikTok highlight reel, for sure.
Speaker 2:If you're listening and you're pregnant right now, first congratulations and second, give yourself grace. You don't have to love every moment to be a good mom.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. You're already doing a hard and beautiful thing and we see you.
Speaker 2:That's all for today's episode. If you related to anything we said or have a pregnancy story you want to share, we would love to hear from you.
Speaker 1:Please, please, give us some feedback. Comment your pregnancy stories, tips, tricks, anything you've got. We want to hear from you. You can send us a message on Instagram or Facebook, at the ARMC, or, you know, leave us a note, a review, anything, but don't forget to hit follow so you don't miss the next episode. You've got this mama.
Speaker 2:If no one's told you lately, let me be the one to say it You're not failing, you're growing, you're not broken, you're becoming and you're doing better than you think.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being here today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you'd subscribe, leave a review or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. You can also connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at TheARMC. We'd love to hear your story.
Speaker 2:Until next time, give yourself grace, breathe deep and remember peace is possible.