The ARMC
Two anxiety ridden Moms and professionals taking on life and work. We've come together to talk about it all and formed The Anxiety Ridden Moms Club or ARMC for short. Welcome to our show, we look forward at what's to come. Thank you for joining us every week for a new episode.
The ARMC
The First Cry to the First Tantrum: Embracing the Chaos of Early Motherhood
The infant and toddler stages of motherhood are both magical and utterly chaotic, filled with countless firsts and moments where you question everything including your own sanity. Kylie and Gina dive into the raw realities of early parenthood, from sleep deprivation and feeding struggles to the intense pressure to enjoy every moment while feeling completely overwhelmed.
• The breastfeeding versus formula debate and the unnecessary guilt surrounding feeding choices
• Sleep training approaches and finding what works for your family without judgment
• How the comparison game with developmental milestones creates anxiety
• The binky battles and why the timeline of giving up pacifiers doesn't matter for development
• Why slowing down and enjoying each stage matters, even when you're in survival mode
• Finding your identity when motherhood seems to consume everything
• Lowering the bar and celebrating small wins during challenging phases
Remember to give yourself grace, breathe deep, and know that peace is possible. If you're in the thick of the infant or toddler stage, you're not failing - you're doing hard, important work.
Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, the podcast where two moms, each with her own unique style, come together to navigate the wild ride of motherhood, careers and anxiety.
Speaker 2:I'm Kylie and I'm Gina. There was a time when Kylie and I were direct competitors in corporate America and had different perspectives on growing our careers while managing life and all the things that come with it, but those differences have only made our friendship and our insights richer. I like to call it trauma-bonded, Gina.
Speaker 1:What started out as a difference of opinions evolved into a genuine connection.
Speaker 2:Our journey from varied viewpoints to a supportive friendship has taught us that every approach has its own strength. Now, as co-hosts and best friends, we blend generations of wisdom with fresh, modern ideas to explore the challenges, joys and, yes, even the anxieties of being career moms.
Speaker 1:So, whether you're a seasoned pro or just stepping into the wild world of parenting, a new career or new relationships? Join us as we share stories, offer advice and sometimes even overthink it all together.
Speaker 2:Grab your favorite cup of tea or coffee and settle in.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, where we talk about the real stuff Motherhood, identity, relationships, careers and, of course, anxiety. I'm Kylie.
Speaker 2:And I'm Gina. And today we are diving deep into a chapter of motherhood that is both magical and absolutely unhinged the infant and toddler stages.
Speaker 1:From the first cry to the first tantrum, this era is filled with so many firsts and so many moments where you question literally everything, including your own sanity.
Speaker 2:Seriously, seriously. We're talking sleep deprivation, feeding struggles, mom guilt milestones, comparison traps, mom guilt milestones, comparison tramps, and wondering if you'll ever feel like yourself again.
Speaker 1:The infant stage. The infant stage. Let's start with that newborn phase. Everyone says soak it up, but what if you're drowning in?
Speaker 2:sleep deprivation, cluster feeding and postpartum hormones. The pressure to enjoy every moment is so real and so unfair. You're barely sleeping, your boobs hurt, your body's recovering and somehow you're expected to be glowing.
Speaker 1:And the anxiety is next level. Are they eating enough? Why are they grunting in their sleep? Why does Google say it could be reflux or colic, or maybe just gas?
Speaker 2:Don't even get me started on the late night Google spirals. One time I convinced myself my baby had a rare illness based on a weird diaper Spoiler. It was blueberries oh.
Speaker 1:Lord, lord, lord, lord. Feeding is another landmine. Breastfeeding, formula, pumping, combo feeding there's guilt, no matter what you choose or what your body allows or what your body allows. I want to, I want to pause and kind of dive deep into that for a second, and the pressure and the anxiety of, of breastfeeding alone, I feel like we could talk about for for two hours. Honestly, you know, did you, did you breastfeed, Did?
Speaker 2:you breastfeed. So breastfeeding was not something that I was really interested in doing when I was pregnant with Austin. And we're in the hospital, all of a sudden it's like something's grabbing hold of my boob and wanting me to shove it in this baby's mouth and I really didn't want to. But I felt the pressure and I was quiet and I didn't say anything. So we just kind of went along with quiet and I didn't say anything. So we just kind of went along with it. I didn't like it and I had already been scared anyways, because the doctors had told me you know, you're a redhead, so your nipples will crack, worse, you're going to be sore, it's going to be hard on you. I mean all these things even more reason why I didn't want to. I was like this just sounds like more misery added to coming home with a brand new infant, and so I went ahead and went with it. I did it in the hospital and as soon as we got home I went ahead to try to feed him. He get lashed on super hard and I was like I'm done, it ain't happening. So I went ahead and I got a bottle and I put it in his mouth and he was a happy little boy and ate no problem. I was sore. And then a couple days go by and I was so engorged it I just the pain was unreal.
Speaker 2:And then you read put cabbage in your you know, into your bra and that'll help you cabbage in your bra. Yes, that was one of the things I googled. Put some cabbage leaves in there, god bless. So I'm like, um, first of all, I don't even eat cabbage, so I'm probably not gonna go buy any. So the only other thing I um had somebody tell me which at least seemed more like reasonable was to buy a sports bra that was too tight and put it on. Getting that on was a trick in itself. So here it is, you're pulling it out as far as you can, you're going oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, please. And then you get it over it and you're just like oh, I slept in it, had it on for 24 hours, perfectly fine, all solved, problem solved, no problem at all. So happy.
Speaker 2:So, my, for when I had Kylie, I didn't even attempt. I'm no we're, we're bottle feeders over here. But here's the problem with when you're, when you're going through those things, how many people feel that you, that's wrong. I didn't breastfeed and that I, you know, didn't give that child certain things that they need so desperately from you.
Speaker 2:My mom though I think part of the reason I went to is my mom breastfed my sister, my sister's eight years younger than me, so I would go in the room. I remember my mom. So she didn't, you know, she did with all of us. Oh OK, so even with so with my sister. I'm eight, so I witness it Right, and I remember, like the little shield she had to put over herself and different things that went on. I just think, oh my God, no, it's just not me. I just it was just odd you know what I mean At 18, at eight years old, to sit and like be a part of that, and my mom was, I mean, she did a great job with it, she didn't complain about anything, but it was just one of those things where I think it just made me feel like I don't think I'm going to do that and this is not for me, and I and I just think that this is where moms need to come together and I think it's a, it's a choice, and anybody who wants to breastfeed, I think it's great.
Speaker 2:My daughter-in-law is like a pro breastfeeder. She's like amazing at it. The only thing is is that when she eats mushrooms, she's not allowed to bring her children to me the next day. Oh, they smell so bad and I'm like, if you want to eat the mushrooms, honey, you're gonna keep your kid. The next day they're not coming here. But other than that she is. She's amazing at it. She does a great job. I mean, I kudos to her all day long. I think it's wonderful, and if it's something that you are able to do and want to do, I think you should, and if you don't feel comfortable doing it, you shouldn't have to and people shouldn't judge you for sure I I also think that that is generational or that can be generational, because you know, my mom said it wasn't really like we didn't do it, like that wasn't really a thing.
Speaker 1:Um, and for me I'm sure I'll say a hundred times over through through different episodes, but Wyatt was a preemie. He was in the the hospital for two months and he was two pounds five ounces. So one of the things that they harped on was breast milk, because of all of the good vitamins and I don't know all the shit they said is good about breast milk, I don't know. So I don't know if that's what kind of turned me off because I, so I never got to breastfeed Wyatt. Luckily, when he was in the NICU, they have those people that you were talking about being pros at it that donate their breast milk to NICUs and different things for those for the, you know, the babies in the hospital and different things. So he was on donor breast milk for for quite a while and then that was one of the things that they, you know, obviously switched over to formula when he was transitioning home or whatever. But I had to pump or I was, you know, expected, expected to pump because this is best for your baby. And I mean, I tried, I tried really freaking hard and it just my milk wouldn't come in. I was stressed out about it. So we used we used the donor milk while he was in the NICU and then we transitioned to formula and then, with Nora, I gave it my best shot and I did. I kind of set the goal for myself for three months. But it was one of my least favorite parts I'm with you One I felt like his baby has always connected to me, like there, like I just felt like that was that consumed. My days was was either breastfeeding her or wondering when I needed to breastfeed her, or planning my days around when she needed to eat. Or I remember, you know, walking through the at-home store and somebody giving me a weird, a weird look and I literally had an entire like cape over me and it just it stressed me like the anxiety of just planning my days and being where I needed to be and is my milk gonna come in. And, uh, honestly, I did my best, best, pumped what I could.
Speaker 1:When I went back to work one day I was so proud of like the amount that I brought home for her and, um, my now ex-husband. He, he knocked it over and I lost my shit and I said I'm done. I'm done like yeah, this is too much coordinating. You know, my work wasn't, uh, super, super great about offering a place to make you comfortable. We were in like a closet with a computer server and like it was miserable.
Speaker 1:And you know my job at the time I was, I was a busy boss and constantly on the go. It seemed more like a just pain in the ass. Then then whatever, right, um, but there's so much pressure that I feel like the world. Now it's like breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed. And then you watch these people and they're like look at my freezer, and I am so proud of you, mama, I am so proud of you if you've got a freezer full of breast milk. But it just didn't happen that way for me. So I made it like three and a half, four months, I would say and at least you know, yeah, I made it back to work for a little bit. And then I was like no, and I commuted an hour both ways, so it's keeping it cold while you're to and from and blah, blah, blah, like.
Speaker 2:I, it is definitely, I think, a system. I mean, I've definitely with the people I've known through the years and they do a good job with it. They have a system, they put it in place and it works, and they usually are good producers as well, so that that way they have that stash for when they need it. And, like I said, I think it's good that we've normalized it more to where, if you are in a store and you had a cloth over you, I don't think there's as many people having such an issue with it today as it was before.
Speaker 1:People straight up have their tit out like wherever, and that's not me either.
Speaker 2:It's like there are some things there.
Speaker 1:And you do you. If you are that confident and you can do that, more power to you. I am not judging, I, but that is just not, that is just not me, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I, and I think that's the thing. I think it's about respecting each other for their for being who we each are and what we feel the most comfortable for. You know, it's just if you want to breastfeed and there's people who breastfeed, this is how many months I'm going to do, or I'm going to do it for the first year. You know, whatever you can do, and that's what you choose and that's what's best for your family, it's what you should do. If formula feeding is better for you, then that's what you should do.
Speaker 2:One thing I think I reason I liked formula feeding is I also didn't like the fact that if you breastfed, I'm a bit I'd hear women talking about, oh, I gotta feed every two hours while I'm sleeping. Okay, I am not, and never have been, somebody who me lack of sleep like that, where if you formula fed you got more hours. I'm like, okay, that in itself for me and help somebody else can feed the damn baby. Yes, and I mean, and having that, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. You know, right after having Austin, I'm sick, I need my sleep. I could not just simply be like, okay, every two hours I'll just go up and feed him and then I'll have his lack of sleep and him screaming at me all day long Like that just wasn't going to work. So I definitely needed to go for formula for him, but I think that's.
Speaker 2:The other thing is like I don't. I didn't walk outside to tell everyone who is a breastfeeding mom, hey, I don't breastfeed and this is why. So some of them could be judgmental to me, thinking that what I was doing is wrong. But there's always a story behind lots of people's decisions. There's women who can't produce milk and that's why they don't get to. It's not they don't want to, they just can't. And but if you don't want, to.
Speaker 1:you don't have to Right, and we've got to stop judging each other. Let them do them. It doesn't affect you. It doesn't affect you in any way, shape or form. So if they want to breastfeed until they're two, let them. If they want to bottle feed from day two, let them. It is none of our damn concern and we need to do a better job as a community of letting people do what they want to do and what they think is best for them and their child, and don't lose any sleep over it. There's no who cares, and I think that would help. Anxiety in all sorts of forms that if we just let people do what they feel comfortable doing.
Speaker 2:and it is what it is, we can actually support each other better. In the end, we could ultimately support each other better. If you just understand what's going on with the people around you, then you know how to support them and you know what to do to make them feel better. But you know, even from that we go into. You know that lack of sleep I was even talking about. Like for me it just wasn't going to be good and healthy for me to have that lack of sleep. So sleep training for me was even a really big deal.
Speaker 2:So I'm, my kids are, were very scheduled, very, very, very scheduled. What did that look like? So I would make sure that their whole routine going to bed was the same. And I never will speak to a child, infant while in the middle of the night. So if you, if an infant wakes up and I go over to that infant to pick them up, to feed them, I do not say one word to them. And I don't because if you don't speak to them, you don't stimulate them. You can just put the mouth. Or if you're breastfeeding and you feed them and then you put them back, and if I don't say anything, they don't arouse in the same way and so they would sleep.
Speaker 2:So I have my kids are good sleepers and then during the day of the same thing, nap times are the same, everything is the same. It made it better and easier for me to manage everything. If they slept, I knew when they would sleep. So when they're infants, you know, like they say, if they sleep you should sleep, which is true. But then when they get to the point that the naps are maybe only once in the afternoon, once you hit that toddler phase, they need that nap.
Speaker 2:And that way sometimes it was to get things done. You know, because they were already regularly routine through the night. I didn't have to be up all night long or anything anymore. So I slept at night. So that was my laundry time, or clean up the kitchen or maybe just watch a good show. That's an adult program that I can actually watch. But I definitely always made it a point to do that. I never did any co-sleeping, except for my daughter had gone. She had slept in our room in her best event till she was about nine months, and then she went upstairs, because we're on a main level and the kids are upstairs, so she would. So we waited a little longer just for that purpose we put her up there and then one night she's like screaming and like she's scared, and then my husband was like she's never going up there again.
Speaker 2:So she came back down, but she slept either in a playpen, went to graduate up to even a toddler bed in our room. So if your kids are in your room they ain't getting out anytime soon. She was with us till she was nine, but she always slept in her own bed. I was always been paranoid about the stories of things that happen. You know the people who sleep in their bed.
Speaker 2:So it just scares me. So I always made sure she had her own space and I think the only reason she left our room was we watched two and a half men every night to go to sleep. And so one night she told us. She said that's it, I can't hear men, men, men anymore. And she grabbed her blanket and her pillow and she charged upstairs and never came back down. Oh, that's so. My advice if you ever want your kids to get out of your room, start watching a show. They can't stand there. You go leave my NICU baby.
Speaker 1:He slept through all the bells and whistles. So he he slept eight hours and it was. It was amazing. And then Nora would do three or four hour stints and I was like what the hell is this like? What is this? But uh, looking back, they both were incredible, incredible sleepers compared to the stories that I've heard.
Speaker 1:One of my, one of my sister-in-law's, her son, I mean, he's toddler now but gets up at like 4.30 am. I'm like, oh hell no, oh hell no. But I was definitely probably less regimented, especially with my work schedule and working long hours and different things. I was probably less on a schedule, I guess, if you will. But I didn't do the co-sleeping Nora for Wyatt. He was in the crib, we're all on the same level. So we don't do the co-sleeping Nora, um, for Wyatt. He was in the crib, we're all on the same level, so we don't have this the split level situation. But uh, he was in the crib from the moment he came home from the NICU, because that was, I mean, he's always slept separate from us, so that was normal.
Speaker 1:And then, with Norm Nora, I will call Norma from time to time, so if you hear me call her Norma, it's because I call her Norma Jean. I don't know why. I think there's a song called Norma Jean or something like that, I don't know, but I call her all kinds of things. So she's Nora, norma, judy, it's Judy with the booty. She'll probably get mad at me for that, but yeah, I call her all of the things. So if I slip, it's because a bassinet next to my bed for for a while, but then I mean her bedroom's literally like five steps away from mine.
Speaker 1:So then we, we transitioned her to, you know, her room pretty early on and, um, yeah, I'm, I'm very, very fortunate in that realm. But I didn't do the co-sleeping thing. I'm not judging anybody that does, especially man. When you're breastfeeding you're freaking tired and they're on your boob and like I can totally, totally understand that and relate to that. But that was that wasn't. That wasn't something for me. So you know, everybody's got an opinion and we're all just trying to survive without trying to lose our minds. So no judgment, right, you do you.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, exactly, well, and you know, the other thing I was just thinking about was like when I've said before that Austin was so colicky and he vomited everywhere, and so, from the point in time he was an infant, the vomiting like went on for years and we had times where I was at a restaurant a couple different times and he all of a sudden had eaten maybe half of his meal, and then he stands up and he looks at me. Well, he would always get this weird noise right before he thought it was instantaneous and like my dog I would have to always thought he'd be staring at me.
Speaker 2:He always want to throw up at me. You know he loved to coat me down. So, um, for all of you ladies out there that are pregnant just know, um, lots of babies throw up a lot and they for some reason want to spit it right at your face. So I got good at spinning him around. I spun him around at this one restaurant and he is just vomiting all over the table. We were with a group of friends and he is just filling bowls and plates. I mean, it was like it's just projectile and I'm grabbing him up and then I'm running down the hallway to go to the bathroom to get him in there. But by then I think he'd already emptied every bit of everything on the table in front of everybody.
Speaker 2:But, that's why I that makes me want to throw up now actually just talking about it. So that's why I never was able to be dressed nice or do my hair during that time. I just threw my hair up all the time. I'm more kind of whatever and really didn't care what I look like. And if you didn't like it, eventually at some point when you're with Austin, you would know why I look like that. And I think it's stressors for us anyways that after you've had your baby, body doesn't go right back in shape immediately for all of us and you know, then we worry, does our husbands. They even think we're still attractive. Oh, they better, especially when you have vomit in your hair, poop down your leg, whatever else goes on. Just get ready, because it is a part of our adventures that we go through.
Speaker 1:Hey, I would much rather deal with infant vomit than man when your kids get older, oh yeah, I can't. I will clothespin my nose, I will do everything and then I just run and I cannot. I can deal with poop Any type, whatever I really can. I can change poopy asses, I can um dogs and cats and whatever the case may be like. It doesn't bother me, but vomit I cannot.
Speaker 2:I can't, I can't do it. But especially when they get sick, it just makes it worse yeah, so the infant phase.
Speaker 1:You know it goes by fast, but for me, you know, then, all of a sudden they're toddlers. They're toddlers and you're like wait, who? Who gave you, you know, who gave you the right to have that strong of an opinion right now, like, yeah, like they're judgy and they're crazy. And the tantrums, the independence, the no, um, it's hilarious and maddening and overwhelming all at the same time. How do we, you know, do you? Let me ask you something? What I'm genuinely curious? So, do you do you remember anything from your like toddler days, middle school, like any, do you remember? I?
Speaker 2:don't remember anything from being a toddler.
Speaker 1:I don't remember anything until I was at least four to five years old so we worry a lot about raising these little humans but like shit happens and they don't remember right, like exactly less pressure, yes, less pressure because because I don't. And I would be curious, you know, asking my kids like what they remember and I think even now, you know, they're still young now so they might remember more but like when I look back, like I remember the big things, the vacations, and I don't want to say like you have to take vacations or anything, but you know what's the new trend? Where everybody says, oh, this is a core memory, oh, oh, this is a core memory.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing, okay in bringing this up actually. So we really don't remember anything that goes on typically nine times out of ten. Our oldest, tommy, he might, because he's like a photographic memory, so he has like blips of things that I'm like I don't even know how you know that.
Speaker 1:That's a good point.
Speaker 2:That's a good point, but it's very rare that anyway, all the rest of my kids are like what I don't know. Heck, I was probably eight or nine before I remember anything, and I think that that's. And then when they tell you stories, you're like that's not even accurate, you don't remember, that's not even what happened, but they believe it wholeheartedly. This is exactly what happened and that's even through their whole entire time of growing up, that's Tyler to grade school to going on to middle school and high school.
Speaker 2:The boys will sometimes tell us a story and after they leave, you know, we let them tell it. And then my husband and I look at each other and we laugh. We're like that's totally not how, that they just remember certain, they just remember certain little things. But then they kind of have some other ideas and I think it's where we can definitely not put so much pressure on ourselves, especially during the toddler phase, of how everything is going on in their world. Yes, we want to make sure they're fed and happy and taken care of, but we don't need to stress ourselves out.
Speaker 1:And then comes the comparison game. So why isn't my kid talking yet? Why aren't they potty trained? Why do they still sleep with me? You know, instagram milestones, uh, will have you thinking that your child should be fluent in spanish and folding laundry by the age of two like that's just well.
Speaker 2:And here's, and even to that I mean okay. So the people who want to give their kids a binky and they want to take it away at a certain age and the next kids person's like I really don't care, my kid's happy, it doesn't matter, I limit at different times. I get to certain ages. I just kind of dwindle down through time and you know, when it comes that point I give it up. Here's my opinion. To all of that. It doesn't matter when you do it and the reason. It doesn't matter. It has nothing to do with what they become as an adult.
Speaker 1:So if your kid crawled now, their teeth might be jacked up.
Speaker 2:Well, they're probably going to be be jacked up anyways. Any braces? Regardless myself who sucked my thumb until I was well sucking a thumb I think I would have pulled that out of your mouth, because you can't cut a thumb off, I can cut a binky down.
Speaker 1:Good luck good luck, because my mom tried some nasty spice and I would just get through it. I would suck through it. Oh yeah, um, she tried tube socks. I remember, like her, you flatten. Do you have flattened thumbs Usually?
Speaker 2:people have flattened thumbs. My thumbs are just perfect. I don't know about that. Well, they're kind of gross right now.
Speaker 1:But anyway, tube socks. I remember so. My mom used to play bunko with a group of friends and I remember being so freaking embarrassed because they would go to put me to bed and they're like hold on, we got to get your tube socks on and I think that's the one thing that finally broke me. Was them duct taping, tube socks to my sleepers or whatever that it was. But no, I was an avid, avid thumb sucker. Neither of my kids were Actually they. I feel like in the infant stage they took pinkies for a little bit, but I was super, duper, duper fortunate.
Speaker 2:But you know, but I think that's the thing. It's kid to kid and and if your kid is a, what I don't know was in diapers till longer than others. They didn't crawl as soon as somebody else. They didn't do different things at the same stage as somebody else. It literally doesn't affect what kind of adults that they become. So everybody's in such competition. When they're young, to say, oh, your child is still doing that, yeah, they are. When they're young, to say, oh, your child is still doing that, yeah, they are, and they're perfectly fine and happy. And as long as you have good kids and they're, you know, even scheduling, my kids were always happy. I never had a problem with temper tantrums out because they weren't overly tired. So I have a problem. So if you didn't like that there was a binky in somebody's mouth for longer than what you think it should be in their mouth, is a binky in somebody's mouth for longer than what you think it should be in?
Speaker 1:their mouth. My kids will be just fine when they're adults, for sure. So, um, I, we, I've talked about this before, but I threw through my daughter, not that I didn't like Taylor Swift before, but through, um, my daughter being a hardcore Swifty, I'm, I'm, uh, on the the Swifty train. I will. You know, I loved her songs early on. She was born in May 1989 and you know, as was I, and so, but I, because of Nora, so later on, is is why I'm really into my my Swifty era now. But I was a Chiefs fan long before being a Swifty.
Speaker 1:So, um, two of my favorite podcasts are the New Heights podcast and then Not Gonna Lie with Kylie Kelsey.
Speaker 1:And so just this morning, when I was waiting on you to get here, I was watching I don't know if it was TikTok or Facebook reels or whatever, but Not Gonna Lie with Kylie Kelsey had posted a reel and it was an adorable. It was after the Super Bowl, where Jason and Travis Kelsey played each other and Jason lost and it was his daughter, wyatt, sitting on the bed and she's like daddy, you didn't win, you didn't win. And he's like I know, and like it was just an awesome like dad moment, for for Jason. He was like I know I didn't win, uncle Travi won and like it was super cute. And I went to the comments and the first comment I saw and like trolls, like crazy, why does that kid still have a binky? Take that binky out of her mouth. And I'm like shut up, not only because I feel like I'm family and I don't know them, but just because I was a Chiefs fan and then I was a Swifty and now the worlds are collided.
Speaker 2:And that binky baby probably be some amazing sports person that'll be doing all sorts of amazing things and the binky meant nothing. Who cares?
Speaker 1:it doesn't matter and I think they have four. I think they have four girls and they're all young in age. So, like, bite me. Like what? That is not your place. No, just shut up, go away. And like, why do people feel compelled to sit behind their computers or their phones or whatever the case may be? And like, judge other people and put it out there. And then you have the people that are attacking the people that commented in the first place. And then I'm like OK, you know, eat my popcorn. Like reading all of the things that like it just.
Speaker 2:But that's why everybody gets concerned about their timelines and when they have to do things, because what will somebody else say? And at the end of the day, the reality of it is, if you could be a fly on the wall at everybody's home and see everything everybody does, you can pass judgment all day long. It doesn't mean that you're right and they're wrong, and it doesn't mean that something's going to be wrong with their child.
Speaker 1:I have to correct that Taylor Swift was born in December of 1989, not not May. You were born in May of a different year but Taylor was born in December. So we just have the 1989 thing, which she does have an album about. But I was just corrected on the side that Taylor was not born. I said I was a chief stand before a Swifty, so some of my you know facts aren't going to be exactly correct Nora, but anyway. Anyway. See, I'm judged by my 10-year-old all the time. Stop judging people, people make mistakes.
Speaker 2:I told you, this starts in childhood and it just never ends. Never ends, nora, I tell you.
Speaker 1:Nora is going to guest star on a podcast very, very, very soon. She is very, very eager to get on and tell a story. I guess I'm just hesitant because I don't know what story she's going to tell.
Speaker 2:Hey, no judgment, it won't matter what she talks about, right, because?
Speaker 1:at the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, we don't judge Right. I might get a funny look on my face, but I'm just processing. I'm not judging Right. I do judge and I'm working on it. I really am, because I don't want to be judged.
Speaker 2:But it's okay. If I mean, I do think when something is different, we do tend to judge at first. I think it's kind of human nature to do that. But what's important is that we all take a minute to think it through before we go commenting on people's things or saying something rude to somebody's face or talking about their decisions as always being wrong. You don't mind. Maybe you don't even understand why they chose something. You maybe don't know the background to their situation in their life.
Speaker 1:I know. So sometimes my face reads different and I'm just processing and I will back it down. That is something I'm working on is thinking through before opening my big mouth. We're growing. I'm proud of you. I know we grow, we grow. Let's talk about the you know, getting back on track for a minute, the mental load and the identity crisis that hits in these early years. For me, it goes by so fast, so fast.
Speaker 2:It does go by fast.
Speaker 1:Like I don't know I have a 10 and a soon-to-be 14-year-old, and like I feel like I blinked.
Speaker 2:Well, and then you get to be me and I mean I just keep blinking. I mean you go through this infant phase, toddler, and the kids are all of a sudden grown. It's just amazing how fast they grow. Next thing you know they're adults, they're getting married, they're having children of their own. Now, all of a sudden, I'm a grandma and I don't think I seem like a grandma, you know, not like my grandma, which I loved, my grandma, but at the end of the day, I mean she was typical back in the day. You know what your grandma was.
Speaker 1:That's fine. I don't, I don't. I never really want to be like a grandma. So my mom has been talking, so my dad's a general contractor and my they've been talking about redoing the siding on her house and, uh, she's had the, the current siding on the on her current house since they built it, so it's been like 30 years. And she's like, yeah, I just kind of stopped in my tracks the other day because I said, well, I'll have to live with it for 30 years, and she's like I might not. And and it sent us both into a panic.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh, my god, you're right it's so and that is like bizarre to think about.
Speaker 1:And as you get older, the years just go faster, you know that's what I'm learning is just like sometimes the days go by slow, sometimes they don't, but sometimes they do, but the weeks and the months and the years like by fast. It goes by so fast. We're, we're, you know, over halfway through the year and it's going to be Thanksgiving and Christmas and all of that craze, before we know it, and it just it goes by fast. So as as we were prepping content, I actually heard the song you're Gonna Miss this by Trace Adkins, and it's the one where he says like dogs barking, phones ringing, one kid's crying and one kid's screaming and she keeps apologizing and he says they don't bother me, I've got two babies of my own, one's 36, one's 23, or something like that. I don't know if I quoted it exactly right, but he said it's hard to believe, but you're going to miss this, and it's true, you know. He says you're going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, and I think that's the one thing I wanted to make sure. I hit on about the, the, even the infant aunt, but you know, for me, the toddler, like I'm, where does time go? Time goes by so fast and I wish for me.
Speaker 1:Now there's a couple of these podcasts that have made me a little emotional and I think it's just because of, like the, the phase I am in my, in my life, where I'm not, you know, it's not all about my career and money, it's about slowing down and really just enjoying my, my life.
Speaker 1:And, um, I get emotional because I spent so many years, um, when my kids were little, just focused on the wrong things, and so it's hard because there's a lot of things I don't, you know, I don't remember, and um, I was really focused on my career and into each their own. Everybody has goals and everybody has different things, but, um know, I have, I have a lot of regret for for not focusing on what's important, or even my own anxiety and issues and different things. Um, that I let take over what really matters. I guess right, and I just if anyone's listening out there and you're kind of deep in it now like, just slow down and enjoy yes nothing, nothing is is more important than um the humans that we're, we're expected to raise and um not be serial killers.
Speaker 1:and I know that it's stressful and I know that watching the people next to you or on instagram or on Facebook like being perfect, but that's not real. That's not real and I just if I can encourage our listeners to do anything, it's just slow down and enjoy whatever stage that you're in. I wish I would have done that.
Speaker 2:I wish I would have done that more. I think you definitely don't want to have regrets like that. It makes it hard. It definitely does make it hard, and I think everybody needs to always take a moment, slow down, think about what's been gone, even just over the last month. How's the last month gone? Where do you? How do you feel about it? What do you think about your time with your family, with your work, with whatever it is that you have? That way, you make the best decisions for you and your family going forward For and your family going forward For sure. And at this point you're going to have a different situation and it's going to be better.
Speaker 1:It is, it is. And I, you know, I say I regret, and I am a firm believer now, and I hate saying everything happens for a reason, because you know, like when someone passes away, it's like, well, everything happens. No, like sometimes, like I hate that saying, but I really truly believe like you're where you're supposed to be in life.
Speaker 2:Well, here's the one thing is a mistake is just a mistake. You just need to learn from it. It doesn't mean and it doesn't really have meaning if you take it, accept it, move on and learn from it to improve and be better. That's the whole thing and everything to do with life, and so it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1:I've said it once and I'll say it again. I'll say it a hundred times it's like I feel like I suffered in silence. I'm going to heal out loud. I'm going to heal out loud and in hopes that I can help one working mom, or just one mom, or one dad or anything, to just slow down, take a breath and stop giving a shit what other people think. And I'm still deep in the caring and I don't know.
Speaker 1:Early on I think it was probably episode one you said like who in your life doesn't like you that you actually like? And I tell myself all that all the time, like even when I get up, and my feeling is about something I was like, whatever, I don't even like you, so I don't really care if you like me. Or even with this podcast, it's like who's out there listening just to hate us? You know what, whatever. If you're listening because you hate us, that's fine too. Right, downloads, a download?
Speaker 1:No, we really we want to help, but I'm sure there are people out there that that listen and get annoyed by, um, at least my nonsense, but it is what it is. We're doing it for us, we're doing it to you know, we've said it before. If we can help one person like, like, that's the goal. So right, right, just supporting each other. Don't let the strain of whatever, whatever phase you're in, you know everything can spill into everything your relationship, your self-confidence, your mental health. You know you love your baby but you miss yourself, and you know that doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you human and we just need to slow down.
Speaker 2:Right, take, take in the. Just take it in. Just remember to, to enjoy every phase that you go through with your children and always, at the end of every day, hold your babies a little tighter, because they won't be babies for long, oh that goes by, gosh, that's anything, it's just you know yeah, so what helps? For me it was lowering the bar like way down. If everyone was fed and alive, that was win.
Speaker 1:I had a boss say to me one time he's like but did you die?
Speaker 2:Right, exactly.
Speaker 1:Or if it doesn't add value, don't say it. And that helps too, especially to some of the online trolls. If it doesn't add value, don't say it. For me it was learning to ask for help and finding people I could be real with, not just everything's great mom friends, but the I cried in the bathroom kind of friends.
Speaker 2:Also celebrate the little wins. No matter how little the shower, you managed to take the tantrum you handled calmly. The five whole minutes you sat in silence.
Speaker 1:For sure. And if today felt like survival mode, that's okay. You're still showing up, and that's love, that's motherhood.
Speaker 2:So if you're in the thick of the infant or toddler stage, this one's for you. You're not failing, you're doing hard, important work.
Speaker 1:It's messy, it's emotional, and you're not alone in any of it. We see you, we are you, we've been you.
Speaker 2:Send this episode to the mom in your life who needs to hear. She's not the only one hiding in the pantry during bedtime.
Speaker 1:And if you've got stories, meltdowns or moments of magic from these early years, send them our way. You can like us on TikTok, facebook. At the ARMC, we would love for you to comment. Share your stories, write us a review. Ihe spotify apple. You can comment, you can review us, or you can email us at the armc 2025 at gmailcom. We want to hear from you. Give us some feedback. Share your stories. Please hang in there mama, you've got this.
Speaker 2:If no one's told you lately, let me be the one to say it You're not failing, you're growing. You're not broken, you're becoming and you're doing better than you think.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being here today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you'd subscribe, leave a review or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. You can also connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at TheARMC. We'd love to hear your story.
Speaker 2:Until next time, give yourself grace, breathe deep and remember peace is possible.