The ARMC
Two anxiety ridden Moms and professionals taking on life and work. We've come together to talk about it all and formed The Anxiety Ridden Moms Club or ARMC for short. Welcome to our show, we look forward at what's to come. Thank you for joining us every week for a new episode.
The ARMC
Parenting Beyond Adult Children: When Worry Gets an Upgrade
Motherhood doesn't come with an expiration date, and neither does the worry that accompanies it when your children become adults. Parenting shifts from monitoring vegetable consumption to wondering if your grown children remembered to pay their taxes or if they're making sound financial decisions.
• Establishing boundaries with adult children is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships
• Teaching financial responsibility early helps prepare children for adult independence
• Different parenting approaches work for different personalities - what works for one child may not work for another
• Open communication creates stronger bonds that last into adulthood
• Finding the balance between staying connected and respecting independence
• Grandparenting brings new joys and challenges in the parenting journey
• The worry never stops—it just changes form as your children grow
Give yourself grace, breathe deep, and remember peace is possible. If this episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. Connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at the ARMC.
Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, the podcast where two moms, each with her own unique style, come together to navigate the wild ride of motherhood, careers and anxiety.
Speaker 2:I'm Kylie and I'm Gina. There was a time when Kylie and I were direct competitors in corporate America and had different perspectives on growing our careers while managing life and all the things that come with it. But those differences have only made our friendship and our insights richer.
Speaker 1:I like to call it trauma bonded Gina. What started out as a difference of opinions evolved into a genuine connection.
Speaker 2:Our journey from varied viewpoints to a supportive friendship has taught us that every approach has its own strength. Now, as co-hosts and best friends, we blend generations of wisdom with fresh, modern ideas to explore the challenges, joys and, yes, even the anxieties of being career moms.
Speaker 1:So, whether you're a seasoned pro or just stepping into the wild world of parenting, a new career or new relationships, join us as we share stories, offer advice and sometimes even overthink it all together.
Speaker 2:Grab your favorite cup of tea or coffee and settle in.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, where we learn the hard way that parenting doesn't end at 18. It just changes from did they eat their vegetables to did they pay their taxes.
Speaker 2:Right, they might be grown, but somehow I'm still their unpaid life coach, personal assistant and part-time private investigator.
Speaker 1:And today we're talking about the brand new anxiety package that comes with adult children Less type or duty, more Google searches for signs. Your kid is in a cult.
Speaker 2:Because if you think you're done, worrying when they move out, oh honey, buckle up. It's just a different kind of ride.
Speaker 1:So, gina, tell me, when your kids became adults, did you actually think your worry would end, or were you just hoping?
Speaker 2:for a little vacation from it. Oh, I thought I'd be sipping iced coffee in a quiet, clean house. Instead, I'm refreshing my iPhone location like it's the stock market Right.
Speaker 1:The whole empty nest thing is a scam. The nest might be empty, but your brain is still running a 24-hour surveillance program. Let's talk about how the anxiety changes. It's not. Are they going to swallow a Lego anymore? Now it's. Are they paying rent on time and will?
Speaker 2:they call me, before they marry a magician named Chad. Yeah, it's a weird balance. You want want them independent, but not so independent that they forget you exist. You're basically competing with their friends in doordash for attention, exactly parenting adult kids is like unsubscribing from an email list.
Speaker 1:You think you're done, but somehow they keep showing up. But I want mine to keep showing up and I envy that about you. I love that yours keep showing up. So I guess it's a balancing act, right, because I want to be important in their lives. I always want them to need me, but I also don't want them to be the you know 40 years old living in my basement. So what do those boundaries look like for you? Obviously, for our listeners, I don't have adult children yet. My oldest is going to be 14 in October, so a lot of this episode will be me asking Gina questions and getting her feedback on. You know what it's like having adult children, so talk to me about these boundaries.
Speaker 2:So I think that they well, here's the thing I guess is that I feel like when you have kids and they're young, right, there's boundaries for them, what they're allowed to do, how much you know, there's bedtimes. It's all part of like a boundary right. So I just feel like as they get older and it gets to the point that they're moving out of the house and paying their own bills, that's a big part of it for me. You have to be paying your own bills. If you're still on my payroll or something, then there's no boundaries for me. But as soon as I'm off that you know they're off of that for me Then at the end of the day, it comes down to where I have to respect the fact that it's they're living on their own, they're adults and I would give them the respect that I would to anybody else.
Speaker 2:So I'm not going to go their home, tell them how to live, tell them what to do. I'm just here to help and if they want't want it, I don't need to offer it all the time. And I think that's definitely, for sure, a big deal, especially when you have that they're dating somebody or they're married to somebody. I mean, you get in-laws and then you want to like come in the home that you feel is your child's home, but it's not just your child's home. So if I don't have a boundary, it's real easy for me to overstep and not have a good relationship going further with both of them.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Kind of important For sure. When, when did you require I say required, but I guess it is required your kids to have a job, so like that is something that I've thought about. You know, obviously, coming off of summer break, wyatt has been working with my, working with my dad, and I think it's been great for him. I want them to have good work ethic, like both of my parents do did. They instilled in me good work ethic and you know I was working, 14, 15 years old in an aftercare program, so I wasn't killing it, I was spending, you know, two hours a day there or whatever. But from again, from the age of 14, 15 years old, I had a job. And it's so hard because I'm also selfish of my time these days and you know, I guess when they're 15, you're the one driving them. So was it when they got a car? I guess when? When did you make them get a job?
Speaker 2:16. So anything before that, sometimes they would do different things, like Casey especially. He was the one who, as soon as he could be cutting grass and doing things, he would go and cut neighbor's lawns and make some money. You know things like that. They might go do ads and ends kind of stuff if they wanted to shovel driveways, you know, if it was winter time, but it wasn't a requirement of mine Ultimately prior to that.
Speaker 2:You just should help in the house. If I need help with something, you help. If I need something done in the yard, help me with it. But other than that it's. I mean, it wasn't like a job, job, right.
Speaker 2:But as soon as you turn 16, there's luxuries that come along with that, and with those luxuries comes a. You know you have a car, you have the ability to go anywhere and do anything. Well, the car doesn't run without gas in it and I'm not going to sit there and pay for gas, especially when one of the main things that I know I did and my kids have all done is you're 16 years old and you just go for a ride, enjoy a ride, and it's like an hour long of just sucking the gas out of the tank. I'm not going to sit and pay for all that. So they have to get a job ultimately, for the reality of it is is that they have to help to pay for what it is they get to have as a luxury, and I think it's time to really start kicking in a lot more responsibility and understanding that everything doesn't come for free.
Speaker 2:Life is not just, you know, handed to you and you just get to do whatever you want. And we all, as we get older, and we have to have the you and I live by rules. You know what I mean. We have bosses that tell us what to do and how to do it and when to do it, and what our hours are and what's acceptable and not acceptable. So I think it's important by then they have to learn it by then.
Speaker 2:I think it's great, though, that anybody has like a situation like you. Yeah, I would be doing the same thing. I'd want my kids to be involved in helping and that type of stuff, like with your dad's situation. I think that that's even better, and, especially for boys, I think it's even almost more important. I don't mean to sound sexist or anything, but I just think that, like I mean boys, at the end of the day, they tend to mature slower, and that's really why I think it is. It's not about that, like, the man needs to do the work and the woman doesn't, because I don't believe that, but what I do think is that men need to have the reality put in front of them a little bit more, that you have to get up and participate and do things and maturity is just. They're about two years behind a girl, so it's a little easier with a girl.
Speaker 2:I mean, if you spoiled your girl rotten and she doesn't understand, that might be your problem.
Speaker 1:For sure I struggle because you know, and obviously it's a summer job he wasn't making, you know, thousands and thousands of dollars, but I really tried on our summer vacation this year just to make them cognizant of what things cost. You know, you sit down for a meal and again, my son's going to turn 14. So, um, he's a growing kid. Like I get it, but like everywhere we went he was ordering a $20 meal and a $3.99 sweet tea and I'm like okay, kid, but you had. Do you realize that that's two hours of work. Like I've always like I want to instill in them that like this one meal that you just ate is is two hours of work, probably three after taxes, and then a tip. Or you know what I mean After taxes come out of what you're making and then you tip the waitress like was this worth? Because when it's mom's money, you know we'll go all willy nilly and my kids have always been fed.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying that I withhold food and drink but it's making them cognizant of the amount of money that goes into to living. Because I can tell, I can tell why it has this itch to spend this money as fast as possible, like he's looking and searching for something to blow it on. And hey, I, you know I am all about like treating yourself every once in a while, but I wish there was a class like a one-on-one on, you know, finance, finance management, because I feel like sometimes these kids are are sent into the world set up to fail. You know, the second they turn 18, they're getting credit card things in the mail like sign up for me, like okay, I had had a 200 credit card that I think my mom ended up paying off for me at 1200 because I didn't pay the damn thing. So like I don't know, I just there's my tangent, I guess for the day or for the.
Speaker 2:You know, it's just that I wish I know, I don't know if in your, if for in your school, they have personal finance, like we have it at ours, but but at the same time, like they have it here. But I don't think my kids even learned they didn't learn what I don't know if they just didn't understand what was being told to them, but they would talk about like a lot of this kind of stuff and they would talk about you know, okay, put yourself on a budget, what if you had to pay rent? But I think to some degree it's like their numbers weren't like. In my opinion, they didn't really come across as true reality of what everything cost, but it did at least open even more ways for us to have discussions about it. You know what I mean you have to budget and how you would do that.
Speaker 2:So I don't know if this is in your school or not, but personal finance is something that we actually have at ours and I just feel like when they have this class, it does open up for discussions at home. I can't tell you that it really absorbed into my kids' heads. I don't know that they did or they didn't, I think to some degree sometimes they felt like, yeah, it's the school telling you this stuff, but that doesn't. It's a school Like you know what I mean they. Like you know what I mean they're probably blowing smoke or something.
Speaker 2:I think is kind of how they saw some of that personal finance I'm gonna make that recommendation because we didn't, and so they've never seen a w-2.
Speaker 1:They don't know how to write checks. You know what I mean? Just those little things balance a checkbook, which I know I'm so old school because a lot of people don't do that now with. You know electronic and online baking but, but I think those are all very important life skills.
Speaker 2:Well, I think the thing is is that we've gotten so far away from some of the basics. You know what I mean. Like those are basic things like balancing a checkbook. Even if you do online banking, at least you need to understand the concept of how you got to zero dollars.
Speaker 1:A debit versus a credit. Right the little things. Yes, the little things that matter.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think they definitely need to understand all that. And here's the other thing is too and you know, with my kids, especially the boys. So I would always tell the boys you know, like, especially if you're talking about what things that they were learning in school and they're learning personal finance, right, well, they also go through stuff to do with sex ed, and so I wouldn't even talk about now. Let's think about this If you get a girl pregnant and you have to pay child support on a Taco Bell income, you probably aren't going to be as happy as early in your life as if you would just simply stick on a condom.
Speaker 1:Oh, God, this episode just took a turn.
Speaker 2:She always talks about that open communication.
Speaker 1:This is the first time she's given me goosebumps and hives and I'm going to start turning red. It makes me very nervous because I don't even want to.
Speaker 2:Well, here then I'll share a story with you too. It's just funny. So there was a time when Tommy he was dating some girl or whatever, and so he was, there, were the kids were downstairs watching TV, whatever it was nothing going on. And all of a sudden my husband goes into the laundry room and he comes out and he has this rubbery substance thingy in his hand and he's like I'm going to tell you right now if this is what I think it is, I'm going to lose it, because the boys know nobody's doing this around here in this house. He's like flip it out. He's like where's Tommy at? He better get over here right now. So Tommy comes upstairs and he's like what, what's going on, dad? He's like what is this, this? And he puts it in his hand. He said you got some talking to do about what's going on here. And he looks at it. He's kind of feeling it and stuff, which I'm actually just been going, you know, quit rubbing it around in your hands right, no shit playing with it.
Speaker 2:so he then says well, um, dad, um, I don't know what this is exactly, but I know it's wouldn't be mine anyways, cause I wear a magnum.
Speaker 1:And what reaction was he faced with?
Speaker 2:My husband said grabbed him from people. Then he said he goes. I think this is a balloon, to be asked, which is what it was. It was a piece of a balloon and he goes I think this is a balloon, to be honest with you, which is what it was. It was a piece of a balloon and my husband really said I don't have any other thing to say he goes, then get out.
Speaker 1:And he was like all he was stuck on was that he just said he uses a magnum, uses a magnum. Oh boy, I, god bless it. I don't know if I'm mature enough to have adult children.
Speaker 2:Let me just tell you, it's just funny and I probably shouldn't even share this story because you know I don't know, my son wants everybody to know that about him. But you know, I guess you can be proud, Right?
Speaker 1:I guess, I guess God, I'm not ready.
Speaker 2:Oh my See, personal finances can lead you into all sorts of different conversations you can go all sorts of directions it just opens the door, communication.
Speaker 1:Yep, it opens the door and yeah, yeah, the sky is the limit. I freaking, can't wait. Oh my, yes, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:I love.
Speaker 1:I mean, I love the openness, I love the communication. I love the communication. I don't want you know I again, I'll say it a thousand times I love that your kids communicate with you and you know you, yeah, I love that they communicate with you and I want to have open, open communication. I really, I really do so. That's something that I'm striving for but, like I said, I don't I don't want a 40 year old living in my basement do so. That's something that I'm striving for, but, like I said, I don't want a 40-year-old living in my basement either. So I want to push them to go out on their own, but I always want them to need their mom.
Speaker 2:And I think, ultimately, I think that when you have the better open communication, I think they even need you more as they are older, because they look at you to be something that's very important, that they need to talk to. So I think it's, I think that people kind of don't even understand. Oh, but communication, you know, it just sounds like well, it's great, you know we talk and we have these relationships, but the reality of it is, I mean, imagine when you just, like you, have a great relationship with your mom. So imagine when your mom isn't here, you can't pick up the phone and call her and ask the question and say I need advice on something, and what do I do? And if you can't talk to them or you don't feel like you can talk to them, it's a huge thing as an adult that you kind of miss out on when you don't have that that kind of relationship with your parents. You know.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I, you know my teenage years. Obviously our relationship wasn't wasn't stellar, but I've always looked up to the mother that she is, and I hope that mine do too and you know, when they have kids of their own, they look back and they, you know, I'm sure there are going to be lots of things that they're like I'm going to do this better. I'm going to do this better than my mom did, um, but I also hope that there are times when they're like they know how to have conversations and they know how to navigate these hard times with their children, because I did it with them, you know right.
Speaker 2:Well, not only down and up, but even, like you said, about them being doing things differently than you, but the reality of it is we're supposed to look at our parents, see it. Take all the good things and stuff that maybe we feel like they could have done a little bit better you improve on. I mean, I hope my kids are better than me. I hope they're better parents than me. I hope that they do better in life than me to have more than me.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean tell me about the, the grandparent feeling um, well, it just made me feel old, but I think, at the end of the day, I really do love being a grandma. It's just it's it's totally different. I don't have to have that same responsibility. I don't need to like worry about all the different little things in our life, because I trust that I raise my kids to be good parents, so that they know that they're going to teach the kids to be good kids, for sure you know. So I feel like it's that they're going to teach the kids to be good kids, for sure you know. So I feel like it's just, it's going to be fun.
Speaker 2:It's more about coming to grandma's to sneak the extra cookie that you don't get to have at home, and you know, I don't know just to have a little more fun, and we do a lot of like running around and screaming and acting like crazy people when they're here, because we can, because then they go home, so I don't have to put up with them anymore, have?
Speaker 1:you ever found yourself wanting to like insert yourself into the way that your kids are parenting?
Speaker 2:I don't necessarily. There's thoughts I'm trying to figure it out. There's thoughts in my mind of things that I worry is, when I watch, that I think you already can tell what things are going to become a problem for them, that I don't think that they see, and so, as they're parenting a certain way, there's times where you're thinking I don't know that that's really the best idea, because I can see the consequence to it. And the one thing is, you know, my daddy used to tell me a lot of a lot of kids. You know they watch their parents and all they want to do is I'm going to change things.
Speaker 2:But really, when you change things you just get a whole new set of problems. He said it doesn't always fix everything. Seriously, you raise kids and now they kind of can go a different direction that you didn't expect. This doesn't mean changing makes perfect right. So there are things that I definitely see that are different at times, that I I question you know what I mean where it's going to get. Or there's things that I think I noticed about my grandkids that I don't think that they even totally 100 realized where I can see where things could head.
Speaker 2:So you have to you want to say something sometimes and then you're like, unless it's going to be something that I think is harmful, well, I just want let it happen and then they can see what it is. And my husband and I just talk about it, like you know our opinions to each other. We just leave it at that. There you go, because we think they're great kids and we know they're being good parents. It's just, you know. I just worry sometimes what kind of battles that they'll have in the next 10 years, because they see it as they're cute and little right now, which is great, and some of the things that go on is fine now. It won't. Not everything is fine when they're 10 and 11 and 12.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. Now, it goes both ways, though, because I will. I know there've been times where my dad probably I don't know if judged is the right word, but judged me with my second that maybe I wasn't being strict enough or we should spank or not. I will be the first one to say you could probably beat Nora within an inch of her life and she will not cower, and she will not stop. And she will, and she will not cower and she will not stop. That's not a punishment for her. That would ever work, because she is that doggone stubborn Wyatt, I feel like and it's getting more difficult the older he gets, but Wyatt is, I feel like I can guilt him with a look.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but Nora, she gives zero Fs, she just she's her own girl and it doesn't matter. You can spank her, not spank her, you can be mad at her Now, sometimes. Sometimes I can get her um, on the, I'm disappointed, you know. If she feels like she, you know, disappointed me, or that I just am, I don't even know how to explain it, but sometimes I can get her feeling bad, maybe. But uh, she's my stubborn one for sure, so that'll be interesting. But yeah, I can tell my dad's like, oh, just beat her ass.
Speaker 1:Well, that's not gonna, it's not gonna work with this one. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, man, um, there was one vacation that we were on the at a restaurant. She was acting insane and, um, he's like do you want to go to the truck? I'm like you can take her to the truck. Well, she sat in the back of that truck and she screamed for 45 minutes straight and everybody else you know my sister-in-law will tell you too like we went on a shopping trip and this kid screamed for an hour straight that we all wanted to jump out the car, um, to where there were. Probably too many times she got what she wanted that way, just to get her to shut up. But she is a very strong-willed kid, so I hope she gets it tenfold with her babies well, and I think that's the thing is all.
Speaker 2:You have different personalities and kids. You can't do the same thing with each kid and which all kids get kind of mad about. Well, that you did this with that one, but you didn't do that to me, or you did. You know what I'm saying? Like is this really fair? But, the truth be told, all kids aren't the same way. I mean, that's the same thing. Like you know, I can. I feel almost most of the other kids I don't know well, tommy and kate, tommy and austin were the same. So they, realistically, you give them the look and you just let them know you're ticking me off. It's all it took, and then they would just okay back off, but they just wanted to. Just, they're trying to always do the right thing.
Speaker 2:Casey, being that second child, he's much more like you want to go at him. He's going to come at you. It's not going to be I'm going to go at you forceful and he's just going to cower down. It's just not going to happen either. It just doesn't his personality. So it's not what it never really was what worked for him, even though there was moments in our lives.
Speaker 2:For sure that you just get so frustrated that you just end up in a battle with him and it is what it is. There's not so much sometimes that you're like, okay, kids seriously, and it just you, you know, you just go that route. But and kylie actually kind of has a little bit of that in her to where she's it wouldn't really she's better off if I just simply let her know like I'm getting mad and you're disappointing me, like bothers her, but if I was to be like really going at her. She's a real quick to be like oh, oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, you know, like she doesn't, it doesn't work. You just have to. I think you have to adjust for each kid for sure.
Speaker 1:That's a good way to describe it, for sure, okay. So something I struggle with, even when my kids are with their dad, is is how often do you reach out? How often do you text or call them, or do they call you first, or is it always you reaching out to them? Like, how often do you guys communicate? What's that look like?
Speaker 2:So okay. So, since my kids are adults at this point in time, honestly, it's where each kid's a little bit different Depends on their schedules for work, depends on what it is that you know life is going on for them and I try to always be respectful. So they are the ones always contacting me over me, calling them, but like literally, I usually wake up to a text from Casey.
Speaker 2:I almost always go to bed even from some sort of text. It could even just be a TikTok, it could be something funny, it could be, you know, telling me something's going on. It just depends. Sometimes it might be days of it's literally it's one TikTok after the other in the morning. You get like two or three in the morning, two or three at night and maybe that's all. We and I might shoot him something. You know what I mean. It's more that kind of way of maybe communicating, but we always have in touch every day. Tommy and Austin are kind of the same where it's like they might go an entire week and I don't hear a peep, but then all of a sudden they'll call you five days in a row and you'll be on a phone for 20 minutes, 30 minutes talking to them. You know what I mean. So I think, because I talk to them as much as I do, I'm usually truly it's like I think maybe I should be one reaching out a little bit more.
Speaker 1:How long would you go without filing a missing person's report?
Speaker 2:I think that's too different on kids. So, like with Casey, if I didn't hear from Casey prior for three, four days, I'd be like something's up, something's weird, something's going on. You know what I mean. For the other two, they probably go two weeks before I would say, okay, something's up, something's weird, are you all right? What's going on? You know what I mean Because I would know and usually I can guarantee you whenever God, I've been swamped at work, I've been working late, I've been.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. It's there's something going on in their life and that's why I haven't heard from them. But otherwise they reach out and talk to me and you know and stuff like that. And, uh, cammie, she was the same thing. I even know Cammie's kind of the same way. Like I'll hear from Cammie, um, austin's woman here for her, day after day after day, she might text me something, message me something, send me a TikTok, do something, and all of a sudden, like at one point in time I remember she actually went for I think, like I don't know like seven or eight days and I didn't hear a word and I thought something's weird, like something's not right.
Speaker 2:And so then I reached out and she hadn't been feeling good for pregnancy and just been kind of down, like just not feeling herself. You know what I mean. Like she's, like I'm just almost kind of depressed, I don't like all these changes and so. But I knew what I'm like. That's not normal, you know. You reach out to me, so something's wrong. I feel like the only time I don't hear from any of my kids is there's something wrong.
Speaker 1:What did I do to piss you off now? Do they do? They cut you off, Do they not talk to you if they're mad or upset about something?
Speaker 2:I don't think they get mad at me. I'm too not, I'm too great, oh bullshit.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm gonna open up the I'm gonna open up the phone lines now. Opening up the caller line now, like, um, that's not true. I'm sure you irritate them from time to time.
Speaker 2:Come on and even if you don't, I'm gonna tell myself that you do, because I know I aggravate mine.
Speaker 2:So I'm sure that there's been times when I don't ever think that I feel like I've been like, like I said, if it's gone for a period of time and I was, I'd be like something's weird. But I don't, I don't know. I keep my mouth shut around adult kids about a lot of stuff, so I don't interject, so I don't really feel like probably anything I've ever done has probably been more annoying or than it's been like I've irritated them to the point that they're mad. You know what I mean. I try to be, I try to be the easy peasy.
Speaker 1:And those are probably the annoying things that they will one day.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:One day miss, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know and we all do we all do you know, my boyfriend lost his mom when he was young, in high school, and uh, you know, he reminds me all the time. Not that I get irritated with my mom, but even you know, just anyone like hey, perspective, perspective lady, like it's not that important, this too shall pass, it's not worth, you know, and I had someone tell me one time, maybe a therapist, hell, I don't know, if they died tomorrow would this matter. And uh, I think those are, you know, kind of words to live by, to not to not get up in arms.
Speaker 1:I just I want to. I want you know I I again look up to you and that your kids have such a great freaking relationship and I hope to to have the same you will, you will.
Speaker 2:You just got to talk to your kids, keep it open and it'll all come together and be respectful when they go to move out. That's why you have to start thinking about it now, why it's 14, right? So you have to almost start brainwashing yourself now that when he's moved out and he's paying his own bills, that that's when you don't get to overstep anymore and that's when there is a line drawn for you of not overstepping and interjecting in everything you can't say everything that you want to say all the time.
Speaker 2:So just keep it to yourself, because it's better off that way. Unless it's going to harm him, put him in a bad situation, it's none of your business, you know.
Speaker 1:I got it. My mom was funny last week. She uh, so there's only one house in between us and um, the trash pickups on Tuesday. And if she puts her trash can out and doesn't see mine, she'll obviously like send a text and be like hey, don't forget, it's trash day. So she missed trash trash day. And she's like nobody sends me a text when my trash can's not out of by the road. So guess what? She got that text the next week, baby. Like hey, trash days tomorrow, do not forget it. She's like thanks for the reminder, but you know, there was, there was, you know, once upon a time when I would dodge my mom's calls again when I was a teenager, not as an adult child.
Speaker 1:And now, if she doesn't answer for five minutes you know, you see all of those memes or TikToks like if she didn't know for real, I'm going to send a search party, I'm going to come find you. I'm going to come down to your house, I'm going to find out why you're not answering that damn phone. So we have a very good relationship and I hope that I have. I have that with both of mine too.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think, just like the fact that you have that with your mom will kind of help you have that relationship with your kids, because you kind of know what works, you know what I mean, what's worked for you, and make sure that you do some of those things.
Speaker 1:For sure. Have you ever pretended to just be in the neighborhood when you were actually like checking up on them? Have you ever stalked them?
Speaker 2:No, I'm not a stalker. I'm not a stalker. I knew people that were stalkers to their kids. I'm not a stalker. But see here's, that goes back to even the fact of like. Remember, I would tell you that trust is so important to me, so I don't stalk you because then it's kind of like if I was to get caught I'd be too concerned that they would look at us. I thought you're supposed to be trusting me, so I'm not a big stalker. If I have to stalk you, you're in trouble. If I feel like I'm wasting my time and energy stalking you, you're in trouble.
Speaker 1:Man, I get so irritated with mine, though, they'll be with their dads every other weekend and I will text and text, and text. And it's not like I'm not helicopter, helicopter momming, I'm not texting them ridiculous things. I'm texting them like what's an example? Did you remember? Did you remember that such and such is Wednesday? Did you remember you have? And they will not respond. I'm like, really, you got to come back here sometime, like what, what are you doing? That's so damn important that you can't respond to it. And then I'll be like well, I didn't know. Well, check your text messages. I know you saw it. You have your phone in your hand 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Do not ignore me, I will come for you, I will stalk you. Don't test me.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know how I'm going to do this adult thing.
Speaker 2:Who pays for that phone? That is a very sore subject. Okay, never mind, never mind, never mind, never mind.
Speaker 1:I'm going to hard pass that one. That one will be for a later episode.
Speaker 2:So I guess, in my opinion, the biggest piece of advice I can give somebody is, by the time that you are at the ages that even you have for your 14 year old, start thinking about the change for when they become adults. If you don't start brainwashing yourself now to get to be prepared that if you have had raised good kids, you've instilled what you believe in, then you should know that you've taught them all the right stuff. When they move out and they pay their own stuff, they're not on your payroll anymore. Give them the respect just like you would at someone else's house. Don't have them dread you coming over to say something to them, to intervene in their relationships and to intervene in how they're living Sometimes. Just let them live Kids are.
Speaker 2:They move out and they do things that you don't always understand.
Speaker 2:They live in ways that you're like you did not grow up doing these things right. But at the same time you have to trust yourself and trust your parenting, that you've raised good humans and the main thing is you want kids that contribute in society. They go to work, they pay their bills, they're good people, they help others and as long as you've done all those things, then you should let go just to start enjoying them. It's time to have fun and enjoy and learn more about them. I mean, it's kind of amazing to me, to be honest with you, when my kids became adults, that you start talking about stuff and you start learning things that you really didn't know or didn't realize, or about them, or something that they share with you, of something they really enjoy or something that even when they were growing up, that meant so much more to them than what you ever would have imagined. So it's special to have a relationship with your kids. When they're adults it's a big deal, and then there are adults way longer than their kids. So enjoy it.
Speaker 1:Always growing, always learning and always having anxiety, it sounds like. So I guess the moral of the story is the anxiety doesn't go away.
Speaker 2:It just changes costumes and the best we can do is love them, trust we did a good job raising them and occasionally stalk them online for our own peace of mind. Well, you guys all know I don't stalk anybody but Tylee, that one was for you, that's true.
Speaker 1:Because here at the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club we don't stop worrying, we just laugh through it together. Because here at the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, we don't stop worrying, we just laugh through it together. So today we've learned the cold hard truth the anxiety doesn't magically stop when your kids become adults. It just puts on a new outfit. One day it's did they eat enough vegetables. The next day it's do they know how insurance works?
Speaker 2:And somehow we just have to figure it out. Yep, the worry just rebrands like Starbucks and fall same product, new flavor. And, let's be real, no matter how old they are, part of us will always wonder if they're okay or if they're eating pizza rolls for the third day in a row, like they did when they were growing up. Let's be honest.
Speaker 1:And that's why the anxiety ridden moms club exists. Because, whether your kids are toddlers, teens or technically grown adults who still call you to ask Dick in my mouth, Because it doesn't say adults. And that's why the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club exists, Because, whether your kids are toddlers, teens or technically grownups who still call you to ask how to cook chicken, you're not alone grownups who still call you to ask how to cook chicken.
Speaker 2:You're not alone. We'll keep laughing, spiraling and sharing it all right here, because moms don't retire and neither does our anxiety.
Speaker 1:Thanks for hanging out with us today and we'll see you next week inside the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, if no one's told you lately.
Speaker 2:Let me be the one to say it. You're not failing, you're growing, you're not broken, you're becoming and you're doing better than you think.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being here today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you'd subscribe, leave a review or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. You can also connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at the ARMC. We'd love to hear your story.
Speaker 2:Until next time, give yourself grace, breathe deep and remember peace is possible.