The ARMC
Two anxiety ridden Moms and professionals taking on life and work. We've come together to talk about it all and formed The Anxiety Ridden Moms Club or ARMC for short. Welcome to our show, we look forward at what's to come. Thank you for joining us every week for a new episode.
The ARMC
Your Mom Shaped You, Now You're Reshaping Motherhood
The mother-daughter dynamic shapes how we parent and what we pass down to our own children. This episode explores breaking unhealthy cycles while maintaining loving connections, examining how our experiences influence our approach to raising daughters.
• Understanding the mother-daughter relationship as both complex and beautiful
• Breaking cycles doesn't mean breaking bonds—it's about awareness and intentional parenting
• When raising daughters, you're not just parenting, you're also "reparenting" yourself
• The importance of open communication in today's world with increased safety concerns
• Finding balance between protection and independence as daughters grow
• How technology has changed parenting compared to previous generations
• Discussion of the Netflix documentary "Unlisted Number" and its portrayal of a toxic mother-daughter relationship
• Navigating the balance between being a parent rather than a friend while maintaining trust
• The goal of helping daughters become secure, confident individuals
If no one's told you lately, let me be the one to say it: You're not failing, you're growing. You're not broken, you're becoming. And you're doing better than you think.
Welcome back to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club, season two. Baby, we're still anxious, still thriving-ish, and this season we're diving deep into one of the most complicated, beautiful and straight-up messy parts of motherhood Relationships the ones that lift us up, the ones that drain us and the ones that change when motherhood hits, like a wrecking ball From ride-or-die friendships to awkward playdate moms, from supportive partners to the ones who just don't get it.
Speaker 2:we're unpacking it all Because motherhood doesn't just reshape your body, it reshapes your people, and sometimes you outgrow folks, sometimes you build a village you never had. We're talking about boundaries, support systems, love languages, mom guilt and learning to unapologetically put yourself first If your group chat is your therapy, if your toddler is your toxic coworker or if your idea of date night is hiding in the pantry with snacks, this season is for you.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about it, let's laugh, cry, confess and build this messy, anxious loving village together. Welcome to season two of the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club. Welcome back to the Anxiety-Ridden Moms Club. I'm Kylie and I'm Gina. Today we're diving into a topic that has so many layers for moms, especially those of us raising daughters, it's the mother-daughter dynamic, the good, the hard, the healing, the cycles we try to break, and the of us raising daughters.
Speaker 2:It's the mother-daughter dynamic, the good, the hard, the healing, the cycles we try to break and the connection we want to keep.
Speaker 1:So let's start here. I always say my mom is my best friend, she's been my safe space, my biggest cheerleader and honestly I call her about 25 times a day.
Speaker 2:And that's beautiful. For me, my mom was an amazing mom. When I was young. I felt so loved and so cared for. We had the best of times. But as she's gotten older, I just feel like things kind of change some, especially since my parents don't live near me and then they live in my basement when they come to visit for three months a year. So it's definitely a different situation now.
Speaker 1:Definitely shift For sure that's the thing. Our experiences shape how we show up as moms, whether we're healing from wounds or building on beautiful memories. Those patterns carry forward if we don't pay attention.
Speaker 2:So let's talk about the phrase we hear all the time breaking cycles. Sometimes it's trauma, sometimes it's unhealthy patterns, sometimes it's just things we wish had been different.
Speaker 1:And breaking those cycles doesn't mean cutting off our moms or resenting them. It's about awareness. Saying this stops with me, but also, how do I keep the love and the connection?
Speaker 2:intact Exactly. For example, if your mom never talked about emotions, you might make it a point to check in with your daughter about her feelings. That's breaking a cycle without breaking a bond breaking a bond.
Speaker 1:That's probably where I mean. My mom is an amazing human being and she is my best friend and obviously my teenage years weren't probably the most of fun times for her and we communicated. We communicated about important things, but maybe not always as much as we should, and that's something that I'm really working on with with Nora. So for me, there's no trauma there. There's no big, big black holes that I don't want to talk about or anything. Anything of that I think you've said in recent and previous episode at some point. You just said, I guess, again, for me it's not breaking cycles, there's no trauma there, but it's taking the best of my mom and building on that and giving it to my daughter so hopefully she can do the same. She can take the best of me. You know, leave them with the crazy parts, but take the best of me and keep building on that. So for me, it's not, again, no trauma, but it's building and building and building to be the best moms that we can possibly be.
Speaker 2:Yes, I agree with that. Well, I think, ultimately, we would want our, our daughters, to be better than us, for sure, anyways. So you hope that you, you know, I even tell my kids, anyways, they should be looking at us as parents and they should definitely take what they thought was very positive and anything that they think they need to tweak, tweak it, I mean it. You know everything. I hope for our, our, in our lives, we grow and evolve and I definitely think, with our daughters, you know, anything that was negative or maybe not talked about enough needs to be talked about so that they feel more secure and not as um anxiety ridden as maybe there you know our group has gone through, but like to make sure that they are better off and more secure and stable within themselves and raising daughters.
Speaker 1:It brings up all kinds of emotions, because you're not just parenting, you're also reparenting yourself. That is true, oh my God, that is true.
Speaker 2:When your daughter hits an age where something painful happened to you, it can trigger those memories too. So I mean and that's when we have a choice, you can, we can either repeat that pattern or you rewrite it that rewriting is work.
Speaker 1:It's the emotional pull of motherhood, where we're constantly balancing healing ourselves with guiding our children and it's so hard because there's so many times I want to be like, oh my God, this isn't going to matter, this isn't going to matter in probably five minutes, but it's certainly not going to matter tomorrow and it's certainly not going to matter two months up the road. But she's, you know, with Nora, like again, she gets her emotional side from her, from her mama, and a little hot headed from her dad. So she is like a force to be reckoned with. For real, she cares a lot what people think. She is very up in her emotions and, hello, she got it from me, me. But obviously I've grown and I'm learning every single day and that's when I want to just say, oh my god, kid, this isn't gonna matter, like, don't put that much weight on this, it's not gonna matter. But it really she's. She looks like me, she acts like me and she is so fucking frustrating like me.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's why also, we got to work on ourselves so that we are able and capable to help them, because some of the things that they're going to go through is going to be things that we went through. So how do we help them navigate through those things and not have to maybe be such a wreck, like maybe how it affected us poorly and for and my, for my daughter? She actually acts like my husband. So in some ways I think it's kind of what's helps me a little bit because I mean, I mean I'm attracted to my husband, I like my husband, so I like his personality, so her and I kind of like I feel like we mesh really well, cause it's really it's she's him. Um, some of that's not all good, because then she definitely has, she's a very says what she wants to say and she could care less what you think of that, like she's just very blunt and to the point, but it's also, I think, helps that.
Speaker 2:That's why, when I've had those conversations about, you know, friendships, you know boys, whatever's going on that I try to help her navigate through it. And as I know how it felt for me going through it and it was hard and you know I had different just different hard times and I definitely I could talk to my mom. I should say this my mom talked to me about a lot of different things. I don't know that I always felt like I was going to go knock on my mom's door and say, hey, you know this or that happened, or this boy was you know this or that happened, or this boy was you know this way, or this girl made me feel uncomfortable. I just I don't feel like we talked about that so much. So that's one of the things I definitely have worked on to talk to my daughter about.
Speaker 1:You know, just navigating through, that's a very good way to put it. I feel like that's, that's exactly right, like, and not that my mom ever made me feel uncomfortable, that I couldn't.
Speaker 2:I just didn't. Yeah, my mom didn't either. Yeah, I just didn't.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I think I don't know that anybody that I knew really did, though Maybe it's a generational thing, yeah, like I think that's the thing is. I think that cause, honest to God, I don't even think I can think of, I mean maybe one girl that I think I knew that would be like I tell my mom everything but like almost everybody else was like oh, like, oh, my God, I never tell my mom that you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get off on a tangent here. Did you watch Unlisted Number on Netflix?
Speaker 2:Yeah, All my daughters want to tell me oh my God, you've got to watch the show. If you're willing to watch it, I'm going to watch it with you. And so we sat down and watched it. What an insane, insane story, as we're talking about mothers and daughters like that's just what popped into my head, and if you haven't watched it, you need to watch it, because it is an insane story that I just I can't even fathom.
Speaker 1:It was funny because I think I mean it's all over social media and I think that Nora actually saw it on social media, so I started watching it and she's like I want to watch it too. And then it got raunchy and I was like, oh my God, cover your ears, like what is happening? Yeah, it was bad, it was so bad. So, yeah, if you haven't, if you haven't watched it, um, it's a must.
Speaker 1:It's one of those things my mom and I talked about. Like somebody said, like let your daughter heal, but now you're on Netflix like making me money, and I was like, well, if you watch the documentary you would see that they didn't have any damn money because she lied about going to work. So maybe this will help her daughter. But I agree, like, give your daughter time to heal, but in sane, in sane, and I think now let's kind of back it up. I think that I don't condone it. I think it was psychotic and I think this lady shouldn't have a platform. That bothers me that she has a platform, but but it is what it is. I think that it is Some type. It's got to be like munches, is it Munchausen?
Speaker 2:OK, so I'm going to ask you this Do you think that she should? Well, I don't know. I guess if I say this, ask this question. It's kind of can somewhat ruin a little bit of what goes.
Speaker 1:I don't want to ruin the episode which is funny that you say that, because Brad, it caught his attention a little bit and so he was like kind of in and out and so then he kind of missed the, you know, climax of the whole thing and he was like so who did it? And I told him and he was like no, no way. And I was like for real and he didn't believe it.
Speaker 1:So we don't want to ruin it, right, but it's okay. So here's the deal. If you haven't watched it, stop listening right now and watch it, and then you can finish the episode. So we're not going to. This is your chance to get off of the episode our podcast. Go watch this and then you can come back and finish our podcast.
Speaker 2:Yes, so that way we're not ruining anything. Okay, now I'm assuming all of you have watched the show before you're listening, or you have no intention to do so, it doesn't matter. I want to know your opinion of do you think that the mom should have gone to jail? Is that what you think should have happened? Or the psych ward? That's where I think she should have gone to jail. Is that what you think should have happened, or the psych ward? That's where I think she should have gone. This is my opinion. This is just my opinion.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait, wait. Let's back it up for a second. Do you think the mom was the sole texter in the whole scheme? So she says that it started with someone else. She said, and I don't think, that's true. Okay, I really wanted to know your opinion. I asked my mom too. My mom's like no, it was her the whole time. And I said, yes, but someone did point out that the text messages in the beginning weren't disgusting. So you know what I'm saying Like they were raunchy text messages I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2:I wish I don't know how she even got to that point. There's so many, there's so many variables in this whole thing and I guess I feel like I think she had to have done it the whole time. Do I think there could be a possibility that somebody else did it in the beginning? There could be a possibility that somebody else did it in the beginning? Yes, there's a possibility. I mean, kids are especially behind a screen or a phone. That's how you can be mean. Right, it's so easy to be mean on a tablet or something, compared to being mean to somebody's face. Did you say kids? Because, hello, adults, no, no, no, I'm talking about the kids, though Like, in my opinion, if it was somebody else that started, like what she says, what she claims, I think that that's something that was probably would have been in high school with her.
Speaker 2:So, yes, kids can is a possibility. Well, of course it's a possibility. I don't think it's probably what happened, but I I really look at it as it's not saying that they could. They were proved for sure in the beginning in comparison to the later ones. So I mean, I don't know, but I think she did the whole thing, but I feel like she to get. She had to have had, like she has a mental illness, like she just has a mental illness. And that's why I guess I'm asking, like do you think she should go to jail? And the reason is you're not, you don't get any help going to jail, and this is a person where she needs help and I almost think that she should have had to go to a more of a psych ward kind of place mental for mental illness for longer than she went to prison. Like she went to prison, I think, a year and a half or something. I think she should have been in like a mental institution for like at least double that Do you get.
Speaker 2:And then I think they should have been in like a mental institution for like at least double that do you get. And then I think they should have sat and like gone through a very thorough therapeutic scenario. And I'm not talking about some mental illness place where she's, like you know, dancing in the in the room in like some group activities thing. You know, I'm talking about like one that literally is that I just think that prison, I don't know where she. She probably gained anything from any of that and maybe there's some I'm sure they have some sort of maybe therapy, but it is not the same as if she went to a mental institution and there's no doubt that she there's something. That's just a men that you have to have a mental illness to do what she did. I mean, I don't know how you could. This girl that you invested all your life and it's your daughter that I actually, in my personal opinion, I think she got jealous of her daughter. That's what I was Well, a jealousy thing over. And then I or the boyfriend like she.
Speaker 2:Well, she definitely had a thing. I think she like kind of like almost entered into high school through her brain Like this is a guy she wishes she was dating and then. So now you're jealous of your girl. Yeah's what I think. I think, sure, because I think it's.
Speaker 1:I think she's got a mental illness and mine went more like the munchausen's route, where it's like she didn't like her daughter was spending time with someone else.
Speaker 2:She wanted that time she wanted the attention okay, but then why'd she go after the boyfriend's next girlfriend?
Speaker 1:that's why I think that's the point if she didn't do content too when I was watching, so I probably missed some things.
Speaker 2:See when she went to when she did. That is when she made me feel like there's a part of that. There's something about him, though, that she is like. Even when his mom said something about that, she was always doing for him, or just like he, she would cut his steak. I even asked my daughter- this I said.
Speaker 1:I said I said that daughter, this that was weird.
Speaker 2:I asked my daughter. I said, so have you got a boyfriend? And I just, you know, cut his steak. And she goes well, I mean, if you cut mine, I mean I guess I wouldn't think it was weird. She goes. But if you didn't cut anybody's steak and you cut his, yeah, I'm going to think you're a weirdo.
Speaker 1:We go to breakfast on Sunday mornings. I cut Nora's Mickey has.
Speaker 2:I think on one hand that she has, could have some of that Munchausen's words like she wants all the attention from her daughter, but then she got too weird with him and it got so blown up there. I'm like there's more I don't know and then like not telling your husband that you have a job there she has way more problems than just a Munchausen's thing.
Speaker 2:I just think it's bigger than that, because there's more going on in her life than just stuff for her daughter. And then then I my the part that just blew me was when they were talking to her, when she came out and her excuses that she had, which just kind of honestly turned my stomach. But she the one lady that's like interviewing her says so. Do you think that, possibly, when you were talking about her being thin and having a flat ass, that you were really just talking about yourself? Oh yeah, I think that's what it was, that you were really just talking about yourself. Oh yeah, I think that's what it was. I was really talking about me. You saw how thin I was, didn't you? It's a slightly crazy. And who's interviewing, asking that question and saying here I'm going to spoon feed you what you should be saying? Like that sound? That was ridiculous.
Speaker 1:And how do you feel about her having a platform now?
Speaker 2:I think it's ridiculous.
Speaker 1:Why did they have to like?
Speaker 2:I mean, if all the money goes to her daughter, I mean I'm all about that, but she gets a nickel on anything she shouldn't. I don't care really if she's on there, because I mean, all we're doing is exposing the fact that there's people with problems in our world that need to be helped, but I think at the same time she shouldn't benefit off of this platform for her. I feel really sorry for her daughter, though, because um and I don't I think the other thing was it was kind of hard to understand a little bit where they had her sitting in her bedroom on her bed and she was saying I still want to have a relationship with my mom and all these kinds of things, but then, like towards another part of it, they showed her in a gray sweatshirt where she kind of acted like like it's going to take time to have that relationship with her mom. You know what I mean. So I don't really know.
Speaker 2:In some ways I feel like they skewed the truth, like I don't know what this girl really thinks, but I really I feel sorry for her because you can definitely tell she was a very involved mom who did a lot with her, so it had to have been a huge loss and just turmoil Talk about trauma to go through that your mom would do something like that to you. I just I don't know the whole. I just feel horrible for her. So even if she wants to have a relationship with her mom I think that that's personal to everybody, some people it's not going to cause them problems. I just think, as long as somebody has hopefully she's been in therapy and has helped to have a relationship with her mom appropriately, to understand her mom has obviously been manipulative. She's a manipulative personality, for sure, obviously, when she's pretending to go to work every day.
Speaker 1:You have no problem manipulating people. Was it her sister-in-law? That was like her type of personality. She's the type of personality that I was like she was here now and you're talking to me like in this interview that she would be over there dancing and carrying on like draw the attention over to her, and that was interesting to me. Yeah, and carrying on to like draw the attention over to her, and that was interesting to me. Yeah.
Speaker 2:She's definitely mentally freaking, unstable and that she's just out and about and that's the whole thing, I think is I think that a year and a half in jail I don't really know how it's helped her.
Speaker 2:I don't think that this woman is out sitting around plotting how she's going to murder people, right? So like I don't think, I think that there's a way to put her back in. But I think that there should have been a definite, like long drawn out way to help somebody like mentally to to do that. I mean I don't think she should be able to have relationships with her daughter unless there is therapy, all involved and everything. I mean I think that there should be tons of guidelines to a lot of stuff to help her to have that. I mean mean if we're going to, if we're going to take the scenario which is just mind boggling to me anyways, I mean at least if we're going to just put her in jail for a year and a half and throw her back out and cross our fingers, I don't know. I mean you hope she never happens again or she doesn't manipulate her daughter again in another way, or you know what I mean you got.
Speaker 1:That's a lot of remorse either, which was which was strange no, she said, if everybody's done something illegal, so whatever yeah, I was like at some point in time everybody has done something that they're not proud of.
Speaker 1:Like you tortured your own child. Like call me crazy, I'm crazy too and probably need a mental institute. But like I guess me, if someone was like bullying her daughter and this was her way of like Revenging that, or like you were doing it to your flesh and blood, to your child, you were telling your child disgusting things, calling her disgusting names, and you have zero freaking remorse jail. You either weren't there long enough or I'm with you. It should have been the freaking psych ward.
Speaker 2:Because I just don't think that it. I don't think we've it's helped anything. I don't think it's done anything. Honest to God, I just I think it's. We've just simply smacked her and said don't do that again, and but if you have a mental illness, she might do something, maybe kind of different. I mean it might not be the exact same thing, but I mean she definitely has the abilities to manipulate or cause other things you know, cause other things to be a problem. I mean her husband was devastated through the whole thing too. I mean I give I have to tell you, though I give that man a ton of credit when he said you are going to need to leave this home before you or I both end up in jail, and it's very ugly.
Speaker 2:That's exactly what I told my mom. I was like he would. That was a very, very. I just give him a lot of credit for that, because it could have just been somebody just acting nuts and getting mad, and by all means I can completely understand that.
Speaker 1:But I think he did the right thing it was you need to get out of here or we're both going to end up in jail.
Speaker 2:And I also think it was respectful to his daughter to do that, because his daughter is just had the person who has been by her side constantly doing everything with all these sports that she's heavily into ripped out of her life and found out that her mom was the one manipulating her.
Speaker 1:It's unfathomable to be sitting there and knowing that your mom is the one who's been torturing you all of this time, like and that is. That's what a terrible thing you have to go through, like this, this woman that is supposed to protect you. That is our job, that is our number one job is to protect these kids. It's not to be their friend, it's to protect them and to and you failed, you failed. You were the one harming her. I don't, I cannot wrap my head around the insanity of that story.
Speaker 2:And I think if she would have at least even had a better discussion with the interviewer whom I have a problem with the interviewer, like I told you, she would have had a better.
Speaker 1:You feel bad. You feel bad, don't you? You feel bad about what you did.
Speaker 2:Tell me you feel bad about what you did Right here? I it. Tell me you feel bad about what you did Right here. I'm going to write you a paper. Could you just read this? This is sound a lot better for you. I just think that it would have been. I just think everything she said to me made it just show that prison time didn't was not what was really probably what she needed. She needed to be punished, but it just I think it should have been in a in a different way, cause, honestly, I think if you went, we're told you have to be a mental, mental institution, but for more years you know what I mean. It's like I would she needs therapy, not for a year and a half and not just as a. You know, I just don't think it did anything.
Speaker 1:It's kind of sad. The guy um of the daughter that got blamed for it yeah, he was the one that really was got a little huffy puffy and was like what? And I props to him because and to control yourself in that situation too and not kill the lady like you Tortured my daughter and my daughter.
Speaker 2:God only knows the therapy that she'll need because everyone accused her of it for for so long which I will say at the end of the day hopefully it's a lesson for their daughter, because their daughter went through some of the trauma from that but she obviously was painted for sure that she was the mean girl in school. So hopefully through this everybody grows you know what I mean and become and realizes, like even her, being mean to people. Like stop doing that, like just stop doing that, like nobody should be ignorant to anybody. And I think that that also comes from us as moms, passing it down to our children and making sure that our, our daughters are happy, healthy, secure people who bring good things to others.
Speaker 1:We're raising good humans. Yeah, so again unlisted on netflix. If you you stuck around, you haven't seen it yet. That'll put all of the pieces of this puzzle together. But here we are, giving this lady some more platform to talk about.
Speaker 2:So we got to move on. We've got to move on from it for sure.
Speaker 1:Right and you know if you're listening and you've had a complicated relationship with your mom, just know you can hold both gratitude and grief, love and boundaries. It doesn't have to be one or the other, and if you're, raising daughters.
Speaker 2:Remember, every small act of love and consistency is breaking cycles in its own way, so don't underestimate the power of showing up gently, even when you're tired, even when you're learning as you go. Okay, so, um, what is one of the things maybe that you feel you have really done, differently, maybe, than your mom, to help your relationship with your daughter? You feel like there was something else that you wish was done, or I think we touched on it a little bit, and it's just the communication both ways and it's so freaking hard because I'm not here to be her friend.
Speaker 1:I'm not here and that's. You know, I I don't know, not that I was ever scared to talk to my mom. We just, we just didn't. So we didn't talk about boyfriends, we didn't talk about. You know, when you talked about your son saying like I'm going to go TPing tonight, like we, we didn't have those conversations. I went and did whatever and hope she didn't find out. I went and did whatever and hope she didn't find out. I think that was that was how it was. Yes, and so I really am trying to have more open conversations with with Nora, and it's not because of anything that my mom did, did wrong by any means. It's because the direction that the world has went in. The world is a much scarier place. Yes, then it was now. All moms worry, since the beginning of time have had to worry. I'm not saying that, but I do feel like the level of danger has increased a little bit and the access to our kids is different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean we were like 16 years old and I still don't know if her parents know at this time, but they drove like a big green bus van, like ginormous van. We were like 16, 17. And we drove that mofo to Soulard on Mardi Gras at 16 years old, me driving down a one way road, the wrong freaking way, like in Soulard in St Louis. As an adult, at 36 years old, I wouldn't go to Soulard on Mardi Gras in fear of being shot, but I was there at 16. So, like the way of the world I feel like has escalated or changed as far as danger. So again, it's not for me breaking cycles, it's nothing that you know my mom did or didn't do. It is that the world has changed and I need to make sure that my child feels comfortable talking to me about, about everything, because it's scary. Drugs are on stickers handed out at school. You know people are getting shot in St Louis every single day. You know we would go to the gallery and run around, or back in the day it was Jamestown Mall. Like you as an adult just told me that you wouldn't feel comfortable at Jamestown mall right now. Like that shit is scary to me, and so I just want to make sure, and I know I use it as a joke One of my, one of my, you know from from the last episode when we talked about friends that aren't friends anymore.
Speaker 1:I will never forget it. And and I really thought this person and I were like, yes, we, we met through our job. We hung out every other weekend when I didn't have the kids, like as couples, the whole nine yards, whatever. We had to go to Las Vegas the week of the Super Bowl, in Las Vegas for work, and my VP at the time I think she helped the case, she helped the cause, but I think he let me take her out of like because he knew we would have fun.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying. Like whatever, it wouldn't be so terrible, but in Las Vegas, helping with an acquisition the week the Super Bowl was in Las Vegas and life was crazy and we were in our hotel, but you know how every hotel is Right, whatever. And this guy is asking her 20 questions about where she's from, where we're from, if we're staying here, like all. And finally, I'm like my God, are you going to invite him up to the room? We are going to be in a shipping container in 10 minutes, yeah, and we are grown ass. Adults like this woman is 50 something.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And is telling this guy that we're here by ourselves. It's just us to blah, blah, blah, blah blah and I'm like, for fuck's sake, stop writing him a book of what's going on Of us being here.
Speaker 1:What are you doing? I'm like we're going to be in a shipping container, right, and I think that is my biggest freaking concern for my daughter and I want that communication to be there and I want her to be able to tell me things, and I want her to be able to tell me when she's scared or if she gets in a situation that she's uncomfortable with, whether that's somebody online, whatever the case may be. I want her to know that she can come to me with absolutely anything and everything and that we will be there together and I will support her. And I've told her I might pop off, I might tell you that that was a bad, freaking decision and I might be really disappointed, but, like the, you telling me up front will be much, much better than me losing you, and that's that's. The freaking reality is that sex trafficking is very freaking, real, same, and I am so just talking about these little bits and pieces. I'm so glad to have moved on from that job.
Speaker 1:We were in Tampa for a training and it was um and another area manager at the time was taking an Uber from the hotel no, from the airport to the conference center that we were staying at and luckily, uber will tell you. It will alert your phone if the Uber driver goes off route. And so he was on the phone talking in a foreign language and his Uber went off route and she ended up calling. Well, she was on the phone with her husband and she and he's like, call the call the police, yeah, and he ended up taking her where she needed to go and being off, but like that is a grown ass woman getting sex trafficked in Tampa, florida, like that is. That is the reality and it is such a scary place that we live in. So my, I, just I, I want to be aware, I want to be very commutative and I just pray to God every single night that nothing bad happens.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think that's why it's it's it's hard because it's, you know you want to be you almost have to be lenient enough to let them go and make their own mistakes and do their own things, and then yet With an air tag in their shoe.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's what's the truth. I mean it's like you know, like Kylie knows that I can look her up at any given moment and there's, and when she's out doing stuff or whatever, I do every so often, check and just see where she's at, and then I usually shoot her a text or something, just say, oh hey, what you doing, or whatever I don't. I try not to be that I'm invasive, like in the manner of being like, well, what are you doing there? Well, why are you doing this? Well, what about the? You know, I try to do it more of just kind of conversational so that she doesn't feel like I'm down her throat, and then just really is like every so often, you know, forgets her phone.
Speaker 1:Cause.
Speaker 2:I will tell you that's what a lot of the girls do. I mean, you know, oh, whoops, I forgot to bring my phone with us when we went out. Yeah, definitely here. That's what goes on. And so for her she's never done that. I mean, she always has her phone, but I've also never, ever been like why aren't you talking to me right now? Why aren't you doing it? You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I had one time that I went into panic mode because she did not tell me they left from one place and went to the other. And she's so good about always saying, okay, we're going from here, we're going in there or shit, and if it's just real close stuff, she won't, cause she knows, I'll just look her up. But if she's really going to somewhere different, she would tell me. And she ended up at somebody's house, I did not know or anything. And, um, I'm texting her, texting her, texting her, calling her phone. And then I'm like, okay, my, I started to like, just, I felt this pit in my stomach like, okay, kid, like this is a kid who always messages me. And I'm like, okay, if I tell my husband, he'll really make me feel like super nuts. You know what I mean Like he will get my anxiety going through the roof. So I'm like I just okay, I'm going to keep trying. Then I finally I'm like, okay, I hate to do this. But I text one of the moms. I'm like, hey, have you talked to your daughter? I can't get ahold of my daughter on her phone. Could you get ahold of yours? And I'm waiting away and she hadn't responded. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get sick.
Speaker 2:Finally, all of a sudden, kylie messages me and she's like hey, I'm so sorry, I'm over at so-and-so's. This is where we're at. We were just swimming. And I'm like, okay, you're't tell me you're going to, I don't care that you're there. I'm like you know, I don't care where you're going, but you do have to tell me. I'm like, as long as you tell me, I don't care. But I have just sat here and about shit, my pants three times over and I don't know where you know and I don't know who you're with or what you're doing. And she's like, okay, it's this. It's that.
Speaker 2:That's the hard part. It's that balance of like not being intrusive, not being also too much of your friend, cause I'm not your friend, I am your mom, but at the, so you do have an obligation to make sure you're checking in with me, but I also try to do it in a respectful way. You know what I mean. I think it definitely is a balance. And then I'm like you my mom didn't know where I was at half the time Sorry, mom, but you didn't and I was like doing. You know plenty of things that probably shouldn't have been doing, but I tried to do. I was never really in trouble. So I understand kids are going to be kids and do stupid things.
Speaker 1:I was in trouble.
Speaker 2:I never got in trouble. I got lucky with my innocent face, because I have many times that. Usually I had police officers even say don't worry, honey, I'm not worried about you, and then they would pass me up and go to some and I could be. I should be in trouble Just like.
Speaker 1:I didn't get in trouble. I'll never forget the night my dad picked me up. Marty, I apparently had a thing with Mardi Gras, like I loved a party on Mardi Gras. My dad picked me up from a stranger's house Four o'clock in the morning. He's like oh, you went to party all night. We're going to party, but you might want to get those juju beads off, for your mom gets ahold of you. Core memories for me, Core memories. And why did I always party on Mardi Gras? Who knew? I don't know I love yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't know Apparently. Yeah, but I do think times were I don't know. It's just we don't have the technology to get, to have gotten a hold of people like, and we didn't have like stuff like Uber. I mean, if I was getting a ride I knew the person giving me a ride home, that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 1:How sad is it, the world that we're living in, that we have to be crazy.
Speaker 2:And that's why I've always told my kids I mean, my husband is a designated driver for my adult children and he is perfectly happy with it and my which actually is kind of fun because now that they're older he laughs at them being idiots when they're drunk and you know what I mean and doing stuff. So he'll be like you know, I'll pick you up, I don't care what time, and then he'll go get them and they'll come home and he'll be laughing telling me, you know, like my daughter-in-law, I guess, was super drunk one of the times and she had ended up when she's laughing and so I mean it's fun when you can get to that point where now we can really not care. Anyways. We don't have. We know you're adults, but we also are. We're still kind of helping them control their situation by being a designated driver.
Speaker 2:I don't want them Ubering as adults, even Like I'd rather be your DD. So and I and eventually you know I just want to be there for all my kids and help them. Never do it alone, because Uber I don't. I've been in Ubers a couple times and I'm not kidding you. There was either the ride to the place or back. One or the other was uncomfortable and it was like I really don't like this at all.
Speaker 1:I don't like it at all. Just don't do it alone. I did that time, though that time, with that other manager, I had a come apart and I let the company know that I was not happy because it had happened like the week before we were there. And so then another batch of us came in and they didn't even mention it and I'm like are you? Someone was almost traffic kidnapped a week ago and you didn't at least throw out a disclaimer that said by the way, don't Uber alone hook up flights with someone. Stay at the airport until someone else gets there, but do not Uber. You don't have. And that tells the kind of company that it is that they didn't have the common decency to tell us not to Uber alone that someone was almost sex sex traffic five days ago and that person was traumatized. Can you, freaking imagine, shout out to Uber for, also for having the notification that if they go off route, like.
Speaker 1:Those are things that I and I'm from a small, freaking small town, usa. I freaking know that they would go off route and try to kidnap you. They probably try to bring me back.
Speaker 2:Well, I do one thing. I do like that Uber put on their Tuesday, like I always, if I've gotten in one sense, send it to my husband so he can track and watch me the whole time, so he knows the car, the license plate and he can watch the whole time that I'm going somewhere.
Speaker 1:Because I mean you just anything can happen anywhere, anything can happen anywhere and and scary you know it is, but we definitely partner together as moms to help empower our daughters to think, use their brain and feel confident that they can talk, to talk to us. For sure, today's conversation was tender, but so so needed. The mother daughter dynamic is a lifelong journey, not just a season.
Speaker 2:And we hope it reminds you that healing is possible, connection is possible, and you're not alone in figuring it all out.
Speaker 1:If this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend, maybe even your mom or daughter, and don't forget mine, mine, they're regulated. They know Wednesday night it drops and you better have it downloaded. Let me tell you. But don't forget, you can catch up on all of our episodes on Apple podcast or Spotify, or YouTube.
Speaker 2:Until next time, take a deep breath, give yourself some grace and remember peace is possible. If no one's told you lately, let me be the one to say it. You're not failing, you're growing. You're not broken, you're becoming and you're doing better than you think.
Speaker 1:Thanks for being here today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you'd subscribe, leave a review or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. You can also connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at TheARMC. We'd love to hear your story.
Speaker 2:Until next time, give yourself grace, breathe deep and remember peace is possible.