The ARMC

In Laws, Boundaries, and Holiday Battles

• Kylie & Gina • Season 2 • Episode 6

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We open up about in-laws, hosting pressure, shifting traditions, and how to set boundaries that protect peace without burning bridges. From baby-era schedules to grandparent rules and “that doesn’t work for us,” we share scripts, stories, and a kinder way to hold holidays.

• holiday hosting anxiety and perfection pressure
• boundary scripts that are kind and firm
• evolving traditions after loss and new babies
• blending families without blame
• personality-aware communication with relatives
• grandparent dynamics and house-specific rules
• saying no early and offering alternatives
• protecting peace as a guiding value

Send us your stories. We’d love to hear your stories about your in-laws. We love reading them. We love reading them on air. And don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club so we can keep building this village together
If this episode resonated with you, I’d love if you’d subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. You can also connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at the A R N C. We’d love to hear your story


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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, season two, baby. We're still anxious, still thriving, ish, and this season we're diving deep into one of the most complicated, beautiful, and straight up messy parts of motherhood. Relationships.

SPEAKER_02:

The ones that lift us up, the ones that drain us, and the ones that change when motherhood hits us like a wrecking ball.

SPEAKER_00:

From ride or die friendships to awkward play date moms, from supportive partners to the ones who just don't get it, we're unpacking it all.

SPEAKER_02:

Because motherhood doesn't just reshape your body, it reshapes your people. And sometimes you have to roll folks.

SPEAKER_00:

Sometimes you build a village you never had. We're talking about boundaries, support systems, love languages, mom guilt, and learning to unapologetically put yourself first.

SPEAKER_02:

If your group chat is your therapy, if your Tyler is your toxic coworker, or if your idea of date night is hiding in the pantry with snacks, the season is for you.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's talk about it, let's laugh, cry, confess, and build this messy, anxious, loving village together. Welcome to season two of the anxiety ridden moms club. Welcome back to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club. Okay, moms, let's talk about the people we didn't exactly choose, but somehow spend every holiday with our in-laws and extended family.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. Today's episode is all about the anxiety that comes with hosting, setting boundaries, navigating grandparent dynamics, and of course, we're spilling some hilarious in-law fails.

SPEAKER_00:

Why is it that hosting family makes us feel like we're auditioning for HD TV? I'm over here stress cleaning baseboards, nobody notices, while also trying not to cry into the green bean casserole.

SPEAKER_02:

Because it's not just food, it's the weight of expectations. Everyone has opinions on how the turkey is cooked, how the table is set, and even how you parent your kids during dinner. One mom wrote in, My mother-in-law once brought her own stuffing to Thanksgiving because mine wasn't moist enough. I was done.

SPEAKER_00:

Done is my favorite word. I love the word done. I'm done. Ask, ask Brad about my use of done. Everything makes me want to be done. Um boundaries don't mean you don't love your family. It means you're choosing your sanity.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Saying we're doing Christmas morning at our house doesn't make you a Grinch. It makes you a mom protecting her kids' experience.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's dive in. Let's dive into this in-law conversation.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, one thing I think there, you know, there's a couple things. There's things that probably like tools we can use of things that we say, even like practice scripts, um, such as maybe like thanks for the invite. But we've decided to dot dot dot. You know, not all mother-in-laws like to hear that. And it can sometimes cause issues for people, but you definitely have to always let anybody know if you're dealing with family. I think it's makes it harder, but you do have to always this is what we've decided as a family, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think there's definitely a transition period too. Like, you know, growing up, my entire family would go to my grandma and grandpa's um on both sides, so my mom's side of the family, my dad's side of the family. Um, and we were fortunate to have a big family that we did that for so long. Um, but then once, you know, everybody starts getting older and people start passing away, I think that's when the conversation kind of shifts a little bit. And um, you know, as as you're aging, then everybody's getting their own families too. So it is it is super hard and it's super hard to like coordinate. So um how how do we handle that? How do we heading into the holiday season because we're here?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I think one thing is you got to start talking about it before you get to the holidays. Don't talk about it like two days prior and be like, oh yeah, by the way, we're not gonna be doing that. Like, I think that holidays especially is best if you get family discussions going about it. And every year you have to revisit the conversation. I think if you don't, like for instance, this year, we're gonna have some changes because um so Austin's baby is due in November. So they feel a little bit uncomfortable with bringing this brand new baby out and whole family, uh, all this family, because we have both sides of the family that come to our house for Christmas Eve. And they're like, we might make an appearance, but they don't want it to be the grand tour of baby passing when she's very little. So that's their decision to pop in and then leave. But then Christmas Day in the morning, we always have where all the our kids, our own kids come over again, and that's when we open just a few extra gifts just between us as a family, and then we kind of then they go on for their day and do whatever. So we'll see her actually spend more time with her on Christmas Day in the morning and just kind of do a wave at her on Christmas Eve. So I just think it has to be a constant is because like you said, like I mean, my mom grew up having an Italian family. I mean, she talks about all the time that they had um it was a smaller home that they that her aunt had, but she said it was literally you couldn't walk in it. Everybody had once you sat somewhere on the floor and a chair, what you couldn't really move. And uh it was, I mean, every cousin, aunt, uncle, whatever that was there, and she loved it. She was the best time ever. So then by the time that um, you know, her parents were then have everything, my cousins and stuff, but it wasn't when we had they had a much larger home, which made it nice, but we didn't have the volume still even of people. I mean, everybody just starts to kind of like we always wonder all the time, like Christmas Eve at our house, we love it with both sides of the family. But you also have with nieces and nephews, and as they get older, and then they have their own families and their own things to do, it all changes. It just constantly is changing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I mean, it's it's it's hard. You know, my ex-husband, his parents both died um when he was young. So he didn't have, we didn't have that that side of things. My mom says it all the time, you know, why normal? They only have um one set of grandparents. But I, you know, I remember the Thanksgivings and the Christmases and my grandma and grandpa's, which is now my house, but in in the basement with my cousins and all of that. And as we've gotten older, and now both grandma and grandpa have both passed away. Um, you know, Thanksgiving was always the one where um grandma would make it all from start to finish. She was responsible for all the the food. And then for Christmas, um everyone would kind of that's kind of more the like potluck, if you will, but we got together in in her basement for for both. And then when I bought her house and she moved um into a duplex, we we still did it. And there were, you know, so many people crammed into a small space. Um, but now that she's gone, that you know, that pillar has kind of left and um everybody does does their own thing. And um it can be sad sometimes for sure. So um even my you know, now boyfriend, he doesn't have either of his parents either. Um, and my mom and dad now have taken over Christmas Eve. So Christmas Eve is kind of when we all get together at their house and open presents. And so Christmas Day, we do the Santa thing and that's it. Um that's it. So my kids go and then spend you know, a part of the day with with their dad. Um, but other than that, our Christmases are pretty low-key these days, which I love low-key.

SPEAKER_03:

I do too.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, but I do wonder, I do wonder if my kids are gonna scratch their head and be like, huh, because they never had that. Because those are some of my, you know, core memories.

SPEAKER_02:

But I think in general, I think so many things in life have changed. I mean, just changed. And I agree with you though. I think it is sad. I mean, even like when the kids ever talk about, well, now just so you know, if this might change or that might shift, I mean, you do a little bit always feel like, oh, like, you know, you like what you the nostalgia. And yes, you do. And then it and then there is a uh uh it's sad when things change because if if you enjoyed what was going on, um, but at the same time, I mean, that's just what happened. That's just life.

SPEAKER_00:

So I mean, and I have I have an older brother and a younger brother, and they're both married and they each have three kids. But you know, even with that, there's a lot of attitudes. A lot of attitude. And it's I think society has become a lot more selfish than they, you know, I ever remember it being. Yes. Um, and people are all about making their core memories for their family, but like I don't, I think a lot of times people are so self-centered um that that we forget big picture. And myself, I mean, I get caught in that. And so I think that speaks to the whole in-law conversation just kind of as a whole, that it's not always about us and that there are other well, and I hear, and even like saying that, like it brings up like so I um I think it's hard.

SPEAKER_02:

I do think we all come into a relationship feeling like, well, what my family does is better. Yes. You know what I mean? My right, you know, the things that we did as our normal regular holiday, you know, that's what I like. So to change, I think it always becomes can become a battle, which then in turn, I think that when our kids can decide that they want to change anything, I think a lot of people start immediately thinking the in-law is who changed your life, you know what I mean, who stole something from you per se. Um, and I choose not to look at it that way. I just look at it, I I really encourage my kids to have their own, their own life, make their own decisions for what's best for their family. But of course, I want to have them there. And I would love to spend all those moments with them, but I don't want them to I I don't want to start getting into the whole, well, what did your wife tell you to do that? No, right. You know what I mean? I understand who's a pants in that family. You know what I mean? But but it's true. It just becomes where I mean, I think back even when I was younger, you know, it when Tom and I were even first together and you know, his parents were not here and mine were, and then they have their traditions, I have mine, and it was like figuring it all out in the discussions, and it is hard when you both feel like, well, I think mine's good, and I think, well, mine's good. Well, then how do we blend it? And I think that's where having in-laws makes it hard. But even being in the process when you become an in-law makes it hard.

SPEAKER_00:

Just because you I don't know, but I'm the most flexible person in the world, so I just go with the flow. I don't ever say my I don't ever speak my opinion.

SPEAKER_02:

I just go with the I can only imagine. I can't wait till Wyatt has a woman in season and he's he's gonna live with this woman and come and tell you how shit just got real. Well, I can't wait. That'll be entertaining. I don't even know. Because I really don't care. Like, I I I think here's the thing. I I'll take it. I let me let me back it up. At first, when it first starts to happen, don't think I've ever felt I haven't felt stabbed in the gut, like you just can't breathe. When somebody starts telling you that they're not gonna be at something or they're not going to do something that you're used to them being at, that you thoroughly enjoy and love having that person there to do what you do. That is extremely gut-wrenching when it first is told to you. But I always, always, always, 100% always say, at the end of the day, I want my kids to pick the right person for them because they won't be here forever and they need to have their own life so I know they're happy and content, and life goes on no matter what, and they're gonna have a fulfilled life that way. And so me sitting there saying, Well, now you're making me upset because just because she wants to go do this doesn't mean I need to be left out. And believe me, isn't it as a mother-in-law, when you have daughter-in-laws, it's easy to feel left out.

SPEAKER_00:

So let me ask you, um, as a mother-in-law now, were there relationships that you were like, Yep, she's not the one, or oh yeah, praying, yes, praying in bed, you know, in bed at night and saying, please with God, make sure she's not the one.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. Oh, yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

There was a lot of times, and I would always, but I would I never interfered. I tried really hard not to interfere because I always felt like you know, it's the parents that actually, when they interfere, sometimes you push them towards that person. So I would just go about my business. I stay very quiet. So I like if the person comes around, I usually would just find something to do. I'm hiding the laundry room a lot. Like I've just had tons of laundry to always do during the time that that person would visit. Because I don't, I don't want to get involved with the girlfriend that they are with or don't see the need, or until they're well established and in the relationship. Yeah, really until my kids have gotten the point that they're probably like, I don't know. It depends on the girl, you know, and how they are to me for sure. Obviously, if somebody's really trying with me to have a relationship, I mean, I'm open to doing that. But if they're just kind of like come in and they're shy or whatever, they're just like, oh, hello, I'll be like, oh, hello. You read the room. Yeah. I don't feel like I need to worry about it unless I know you're to a point that my son's really, really committed, like in an age to be that committed for me to worry that much about you. Otherwise, I probably don't, and which is makes me probably not the most warm and fuzzy, you know, person when you're coming in. My Austin even told me one time, he was like, you know, sometimes that, you know, you can have a happier look on your face when people walk in the door. But he would always tell me, he'd give me a hard time because he would tell me that I would, he would come in and, you know, they'd say hi or whatever, and I'd say, you know, oh, hello. I wasn't like a, oh my gosh, and how are you? And did you have a glorious day? Like you haven't you haven't risen up on the level for me to care that much. So I just simply move on. And people can find that to be rude. I'm not trying to be rude. I also, though, through the process, don't want to get I also didn't want to get attached to a girl. Then my son breaks up with her. And then I'm heartbroken. I loved her. I loved her so much. How could you do that to me? She's the great I didn't want to do that either. So it's like a really weird place to be. Like you want to get to where you get to know them and you really enjoy their time, and yet on the other hand, you don't want to get to know them, fall in love with them, and your kid dumps them. Like, I no, or they dump your kid, or they stay, they stay together because they think you like them so much, and then they have divorce because they're like, Well, mom, I only married her because you liked her so much. Do they care that much?

SPEAKER_01:

You know, those kind of things are concerning. For sure.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But I do think too, I do think especially one thing I can tell you like I feel like I tell my kids a lot, especially when they start having kids. That's the time that they really have to start talking to both of their families about what it is that they want to do. Because I know that I felt a lot of times, I think, when I was starting to do things like I didn't want to hurt my mom and dad's feelings ever and be like, well, I'm not gonna come to something. Because you worry that you're gonna hurt their feelings when you're like, not your point. You're not trying to hurt their feelings.

SPEAKER_00:

I am 36 years old, I think. And um my dad just texted me last night that my uncle's having a um wiener roast this weekend and they're looking for a headcount or whatever. And I have, I already have plans, and I like don't I'm afraid to like text back and be like, no, like I it's just I don't want to let anyone down. Yes. Um, but I think that's part of boundaries too, is just like, and not that I don't want to, but I have you know a prior engagement and I I just I can't. Um, but even you know, I'm a pansy, even just texting my dad and be like, no, we can't make it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you know, yes. Um and that's why it's hard, it becomes hard. And I don't want to put the put my kids in that. I don't want them to feel like they can't. I'm I mean, a little bit. I mean, I don't mind if they feel that way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I was gonna say, we use worry to we use that guilt sometimes, we use it to our advantage for sure. Yes. It's just, you know, there's so many, like I said, there's so many different personalities in the world and uh attitudes. And I think, um, I don't know about you, but I think for me, being a manager kind of helps me with some of that, just because when you manage a group of people and we both manage large groups of people, and everybody needs managed a little bit differently and you handle people a little bit differently. You know, we you have those people that you can be very, very blunt to and tell them how it is, and that's honestly the only way you're ever gonna get anything done. Um, and then you need the people that you have to sugarcoat everything, and you know, if you don't, then you'll have to give them therapy twice a week for the next three weeks um to get them over to the time you didn't sugarcoat them. Um so I think that definitely helps just understanding personalities and how they work. But man, it's still hard. It's still hard. Um, even me being the sister to two brothers, you know, that have their wives and their families. And I'm like, what about me? Don't forget about me. And this is how what I want, and you're my brother, and this is how we're gonna do it, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

We even had a, you know, summer vacation this year was even, I feel like a cluster F for lack of a better term, because of sports schedules and and different things. And so literally, um, you know, we live a little bit north of St. Louis and we passed my mom and dad on um 44. We were going to Branson and they were coming back, you know, and that was a huge bummer. Um, and just schedules not aligning and different things like that. And it can, it's it's probably one of the most stressful pieces of the puzzle for me is just not making, you know, making everybody happy and nobody's ever always happy. It's just it's it's hard.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that people pick people as is in-laws for for all of a sudden become like, well, here you go, here's your daughter-in-law, or here's, you know, one day I'll have a son-in-law, and you you didn't pick the person, you know what I mean? So now you have to file form your own relationship, and that takes time. You know what I mean? It just doesn't happen overnight, and and it's and it doesn't need to, I mean, realistically, but you have to build your relationship, and I feel like it does take time to let you both understand each other, you both, you know what I mean, have an appreciation for each other. You know, you hope at least that that's what happens. And I feel that there's a lot of times where people never are fortunate enough to find that. There's a lot of people who just like I don't ever want to be the mom who's like running their lives, or every time I pull in the driveway, they're like, oh god, it's my mom. Okay, well, hurry up, move that out of the way. She'll see that. Or don't don't let her be, you know what I mean? I don't, I don't want it to be that way. Um, I'm sure to some degree, just you know, your mom's visiting your home, you a little bit, you know, know that they might notice something, but I don't want it to be like a big problem, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, where they feel like it's gotta be a production when you come over. Yeah, and things like that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, like to me, I don't care. Live your life the way you want to live it. I've always told my kids that anyway, it's like if you live like a millionaire, you live like you're broke, it's no difference to me. I don't live there. I mean, it doesn't make any difference to me. I want you to be happy, you know what I mean? So that part of it is irrelevant to me how you run your lives. I mean, I know that everybody has their own opinions. I mean, I can have go to anybody's house and be like, I don't want to live like that, but they don't want to necessarily live like me, like I've said before.

SPEAKER_00:

So opinions are like assholes. Exactly. Everyone has fun, exactly. Exactly. And I'm learning the older that I get that sometimes I need to keep my opinion to myself. Not everyone needs to hear Kylie's opinion all the time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Those are the things that it's smart to just keep your opinion to yourself, smile and nod your head, and then later you go home and you chat at home about it.

SPEAKER_00:

Because my number one goal right now and for life is peace. I want peace. Yeah. I want um to just have a good life and a peaceful life where there's no conflict or fighting. And I know that, you know, it's not unicorns, rainbows, and butterflies that like the real world exists. But I think that there are definitely things that we can put in place to protect our peace. Yep. Um, say no when we don't feel like it or we don't want to, um, and don't feel bad about it. Yep. Set boundaries, set boundaries with people, set, you know, expectations and clear communication, I think are all things to help that in-law dynamic, if you will.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Well, and it's just like you, so you had told me to watch that the girlfriend. I think I've only seen on Netflix. Okay, so I've only seen the first episode of it. My daughter and I watched it together. So her and I, she's like, okay, I but she had to leave. And so she's like, we will be sitting and watching some more of it. But it was so exactly what I tell my husband this like all the time. So how the whole first portion of that first episode was like the mom's version of what she saw. So here's all the things that happen. You walk in the house, you sit at the table, she spills on her, you know, all these different things that go on. And what in her mind happened, and then all of a sudden it's like you go through the whole thing over, and it was the version of the girlfriend and what happened. And I'll and I've it's like what I've always said, you can speculate a lot of things, but if you don't know, you don't know. If you weren't standing there in the conversation, you don't know. If you, there's just so many variables, but I can tell you that this is gonna get to be an interesting. Have you watched how many, how many, how much have you watched that? All of it. You've watched all of it.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, you've known me long enough to know that I don't leave things unwatched for long. I watched all of it very, very quickly.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I can tell it's gonna get crazy. It does, it does.

SPEAKER_02:

But I really did enjoy even that first episode because I was like, it's just exactly what I say. Like this conversation that she has with this guy that was like an ex, you know, from the mom comes around the corner and witnessed something and sh and sees them arguing and hears what he says, but then when you hear it, when you all of a sudden they redo it and it's her standing there and you hear her version of what's being said back to him, it's completely different. So it's just, I don't know. I mean, you can tell they're probably both crazy, but but at the same time, it's it's there's way more to every story. And I think that's why, like I say, I would never want to go into something like that. Lady was drilling her on, you know, well, who are your parents and what do they do? And I'm gonna look them up and I'm gonna this and that. I mean, okay, lady, like relax, like seriously, like it's not that you take time to get to know somebody. And I understand that as a mom, you are protective of your children and you definitely want to make the right decision, but you also should have some faith and trust in the fact that you raise them to make good decisions, so like cut them a little smaller. One would think, but I understand if it gets a little crazy, then I'd have no problem stepping in. Somebody was nuts. Like if this girl really ends up to be nuts, which I she's already I I you know got a butcher dad and putting things in cakes or something. I don't know what it is. Whatever she's like, honest, though.

SPEAKER_00:

We've all got a little we've all got a little crazy in us. So it just is is she psych ward crazy? Right. Or is she like the normal? Yes, she's crazy.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. And I which is kind of what I get the feeling that she is. Wait, which one? I get the feeling that she's normal crazy, but she can get crazy. Like her kind of normal to crazy level, like might get a little more crazy than like I'm probably not gonna do, but like, but I understandable maybe crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

Got it. I will not give it away, but yes, check it out if you have not the girlfriend on Netflix.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, it's a good one, and it's a short series, so it's not, you know. Too long of a it's yeah, it took me like two days, I think. Yeah, I like to, I I like to get it over with. And sometimes I'm the type of person that I can't even wait until the end. I have to Google what happened because I not this one. I I waited until the end, but I feel like there's a little bit like yes, see it coming. But yes, I definitely see the conflict a little bit, like not knowing which one's that shit.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, you know, someone's crazy, but you don't know if it's the mom of the son or the girlfriend of the son.

SPEAKER_02:

Which they both have a little crazy in them. They have to. Absolutely. Because I mean, just like even from the first episode, I mean, even the mom's like over the top. What do you, you know, like what does your dad do? And let me Google what he is, like, and trying to figure out if this girl's a liar, trying to figure this or that out. It's like lady, like relax and just enjoy a meal.

SPEAKER_00:

So let's talk about that dynamic though, a little bit. Like, do you think it's different for single parent versus or not single parent? That's not what I'm trying to say. Um one child versus multiple. Like, do you think just in society in general, like if you have like an only child, an only child, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, I think it'd be way worse. Because they're worse. They're yeah, for me at least, I'll be like, oh, you don't love me today. It's fine, I'll go pick the other one.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, the other one's that's I know that sounds so terrible. But it's a mom that sounds so terrible. But it's yeah, like I just nore off and I'm like, hey, why do you have to do it, buddy? Hey, you want to go hang out? You want to go with me to the grocery store?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, it's true. You always have a friend when you have multiple kids, but when you have the one friend, and I think that a lot of times that becomes then they're that is your everything when it is one. So even when they're not your everything when they're multiple. We all I love you all, blah, blah, blah. But at the same time, it is true. I would think if I had just one and that was it. I don't have no backup plans when you get in a mood with me. Then I feel like it would be really hard if I was really close, especially in a close relationship with that kid. And then they told you they're not gonna show up to Christmas or they're not gonna join you for something, or they're they won't be coming over regularly. I don't it would be way it would be way harder. Way harder for sure. No, I agree. I agree. I always just look at it. If you don't want to show up with files, call your brother. Your sister will be here. Somebody will come. She's still stuck with me right now, anyways.

SPEAKER_00:

Somebody will come, that's for sure. I don't know. It was just something that stuck out to me. I'm like, you know, when you only have one kid, like that's that's yeah, tough.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I would think if I only had one kid, I'd have to, I tell you, again, I had to brainwash myself to begin with, so that I'm relaxed. So I would have to do a little extra therapy on that one because I would really be like just more sad if they weren't gonna come around.

SPEAKER_00:

I will say they have set themselves up beautifully for a season two.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Shall the time come? I think they've set themselves up for season two.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll be looking forward to watching it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and that the other thing, do not do her parents get involved much in the scenario? Yeah, that's it. That's the other problem, is like you become where people make it a kind almost like you feel like a competition between other like your in-laws' parents. You know what I mean? Like if that, like if your daughter-in-law wants to be with the parents all the time and then you're getting shunned in any way. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's all those feelings that happen too. Do they have any of that involvement or no in this show?

SPEAKER_00:

Her mom gets involved in a big way. Um that kind of changes things a little bit. It okay. It kind of changes things a lot of it. So her mom has involvement. Um, I don't believe that we ever hear or see anything from her dad, but you also get a little bit, not like a full episode or anything, but you get a little bit of the mom's perspective of her mom's perspective um also and kind of her thoughts on on the situation. Um, so yeah, it's no, it's a it's an incredible series. I I really enjoyed it. Yeah. Um, and you're right, it it paints a really good picture of all of the things that can go wrong with with the whole in-law conversation. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because there's so many, there's so many moving parts and there's so many more people involved than what you realize. Like, I think a lot of people think, like, oh, my kids even dating this person. You have more than that, though, that can be in the mix.

SPEAKER_00:

And at the end of the day, we always need to realize that it's not always about us.

SPEAKER_02:

No. And our feelings. Well, and here's the other thing we have to remember. If you raise your kids and you all you've ever wanted, I just want my kids to be happy, then you should just want your kids to be happy. That's their whole life. Not just like, well, they were little, I bought them a toy just because I want to make them happy. I didn't bought them ice cream today because they just want to make them happy. Well, now they're an adult. You need to continue that same idea and thought, I just want to, I ultimately is I just want my kids to be happy. For sure. You know, I just want them to, I don't know. I want to I want them to think of me as I'm there and not expendable by any means. But hopefully that they want to come around and do things.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, absolutely. So let's talk a little bit about the um grandparent dynamic. So obviously, you, but grandparent, sometimes the sweetest bless blessing, sometimes the biggest boundary busters. Um and I will just speak obviously, you are a grandparent, but I know just um I I love my mom was actually um on vacation a couple weeks ago. And I really miss our daily walks just because I feel like that's our time to connect or yell at the dogs together or whatever, whatever it is. But um, you know, she's brought up before, you know, so-and-so didn't get a nap. I'm gonna be in, I'm gonna be in trouble. And she says it lightheartedly because it's not, but like um, I know that's a a huge piece of the grandparent puzzle is just like what boundaries are there? What boundaries can you break? Which ones do you break? Or do you have what kind of boundaries do you have?

SPEAKER_02:

This is something where it becomes hard. Um, because I think that you really do want to have um boundaries in your home because there's a should be a Respect for my home. Like my home is not their home. Let's say you let your kids, you know, throw food from one end of the house to the other. I don't want you doing that at my house. I didn't allow kids to do that at my house. And I don't think that they should be at the same time. I don't care what anybody does in their own home. You know what I mean? Like your kids should always be told, in my opinion, hey, we're this is how we live, whatever that is that you create. But when we go, we always have to be respectful of other people's homes. And I think that that's where you get in a really weird feeling as a grandparent because how much do you say that's not how this goes here? Like, how much do, you know what I mean, without offending somebody or somebody being like, well, your parents are ridiculous because I don't see the problem. The kids should be able to do this. You know what I'm saying? Like you, it's it's kind of hard because you really want to have well you're set rules and boundaries, but you don't want to come across like it's a free-for-all there, and all of a sudden it's like 20 rules when you come here. And I think we're a pre-laid back house, but I mean, I I do have some things that I think are normal, or at least my normal, and how I do want to keep my house clean and keep it nice, and I don't want to have to have a major problem later, you know what I mean, that I got to clean up just because a couple kids vote, you know, are over my house. So I just think it may, it's hard when you're trying to blend all that too. It just becomes like, what are my boundaries? And where can I, what can I say and not feel like I'm crossing the line, or how do you keep a relationship strong and you're not gonna upset anybody? Or it's it's hard. It's hard. Like those things become the next, and I and that's one thing I like even with Austin, um Austin and Cammy. Cammy actually we talk about it, which is kind of nice before they've had the baby. Her and I are actually really talking about it a lot, which is a good thing because then she um I kind of know what she's wanting to do with the baby, and she knows kind of how we do things, and we're really having good discussions, which I'm glad because I think that that'll like what? Give me an example. Just like, I don't know, we were even just talking about her and and feedings and how is she gonna be a scheduled person or not? And what about like um eating situations? Like, is she the you know, she's the type where she will want it to be very much like it's time to eat, then we're gonna sit at this table and this is what we're gonna do. She's just gonna be more that way, um, which is how I am. You know, this is your sit-down time, this is your what we do right now. You know what I mean? Um she's just, I don't know, we just kind of bounce different things. As she's gone through pregnancy, we've talked about stuff, but now as we're talking about what do you want to do next after this whole thing comes about, you know, who's gonna be around this baby? What's what's your ideas of um, you know, I don't know, just just a lot, I guess just it's every day. I don't I can't even tell you something so specific right at this point, because since we don't have her, but it's very much about open communication. So that I feel like if we get to a point that there's, let's say this kid's doing something that's like I'm like, eh, you know, I feel like we have already opened up the communications for that. You know what I mean? I think and I think that that's where I feel like a lot of times nobody talks about it until all of a sudden here we have a kid, and now we're as a grandparent, don't know what we're supposed to say, what we're supposed to do. You know what I mean? Like, just here's this kid, and now you feel like, oh, I don't want to make anybody mad, but that kid's getting on my damn nerves.

SPEAKER_00:

I I hear the the saying, like, you might do that at your house. Right at my house. We don't do that. I feel like my dad does that from time to time. I'm like, I don't know what happens at your house, but we're not gonna jump on our couch here or please stop jumping off the couch. Yes. Um, in the beginning of the day, and then by the end of the day, everyone's hanging from each like ceiling and going like buck wild.

SPEAKER_02:

But you try. Like I think that's the thing you try. Well, I used to always my my husband used to make fun of me because there could be a kid over my house. Let's say we had a party and some kid I don't even really know. Well, I have like these pillars and they are in my dining room, and so like I can't stand it when kids twirl around them. It just annoys me because then I have to go and clean them later. I don't want to clean pillars, they're just supposed to just look at them, like whatever. So when they do, I would always say, uh, hey, excuse me, we don't do that here. And they would be like, huh? I'm like, we don't do that here. And then they would get off and away from my pillars, and he'd be like, You're always saying something to these kids when they're over here. I'm like, because we don't do that here. I'm not, I go, I'm not saying anything like you, this or being mean to the kid. I just say we don't do that here. I'm like, unless you're gonna start cleaning pillars every time somebody's kid comes over. I'm not. I can't stand that. But I try to be correct on what I say, but I do try to have some boundaries. With your own grandkids, I think is that they're around more, just like I'm sure with your dad is the same thing that you end up having a problem where they eventually stop listening to you anyways. Maybe whatever the hell they want. Right. It's a free-for-all. Right. Yeah, that's funny. That's funny. The real key is remember boundaries are for you, not against them. Protecting your peace makes you a better mom, partner, and daughter-in-law.

SPEAKER_00:

Makes sense. And sometimes you just need a phrase in your back pocket that doesn't work for us, but things for understanding. Simple, clear, no guilt. Exactly. So to all the moms hosting, boundary setting, and surviving the casserole wars, you're not alone. And remember, at the end of the day, family may be messy, but protecting your peace is worth it. Send us your stories. We'd love to hear your stories about your in-laws. Um, we love reading them. We'd love reading them on air. And don't forget to subscribe, rate, and share the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club so we can keep building this village together. And be nice to your in-laws.

SPEAKER_02:

And be nice to your in-laws. If no one's told you lately, let me be the one to say it. You're not failing, you're growing, you're not broken, you're becoming, and you're doing better than you think.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks for being here today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you'd subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another mom who might need to hear this. You can also connect with us on Facebook or TikTok at the A R N C. We'd love to hear your story.

SPEAKER_02:

Until next time, give yourself grace, breathe deep, and remember, peace is possible.