Identity Reset For Tired Moms

What if you paused long enough to ask, Who am I right now—without the fixing, the performing, or the pretending? We walk through a real-time identity reset designed for anxious, overstimulated moms who love their kids deeply and still feel stretched thin. Instead of a to-do list, we offer five sharp questions that surface your default roles under stress, the emotion driving your choices, and the version of you that feels furthest away. No judgment, no perfect answers—just honest data you can use to start again.

We talk about the fixer, the strong one, the avoider, and the performer—and how each role can protect you while quietly draining you. Anxiety can fuel high performance, but it also keeps your nervous system on high alert. Guilt shows up after hard seasons like divorce, shaping overprotection and overwork. Resentment grows when years of loyalty aren’t returned. Numbness appears when you’ve adapted beyond your limits. By naming your driver, you turn reactivity into choice and reclaim attention for what matters.

Our conversation gets practical: how to stop over-explaining your decisions, when to trust your gut, and why a small boundary practiced consistently builds real confidence. We unpack end-of-day exhaustion—mental, emotional, physical—and share simple closure rituals to help your brain power down. We also normalize perimenopause and menopause shifts, encouraging medical support and self-compassion when emotions spike or energy dips. This is rebuilding as remembering: returning to the self you were before you learned to be smaller.

If you’re ready to drop your letter and find your starting point, join The Village, our Facebook community for Anxiety Ridden Moms Club listeners. Share your result, connect with women who get it, and practice one tiny shift this week. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review—your support helps more moms find the tools and the voice they need.

Transcript

Welcome And A Late Drop Confession

SPEAKER_03 0:01

You're listening to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, the podcast for moms who love their kids deeply and still feel anxious, exhausted, and overstimulated.

Why This Is A Real-Time Identity Reset

SPEAKER_04 0:10

Here, we talk about the messy stuff, the thoughts we don't say out loud, the pressure to do it all, and the journey back to ourselves. Progress over perfection always. Let's go. Welcome back to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club. And before we start, I'm gonna call out the fact that for 35 weeks straight, we dropped an episode on Wednesday night for you guys to listen to. Until this week, because Gina and I are technically challenged sometimes. You can't say that when I work for a tech company. She's still learning. And it's obvious. I'm new here. I was on the phone with an engineer this week, and he was like, click this and click that and inspect this. And um he laughed and he goes, Isn't it funny that we work for a tech company and we have no idea what we're doing we're doing? I've never heard anything more true in our lives. So we're technically challenged, and yeah, it's it's not easy. So first and foremost, we want to apologize that we are a few days late. Um, but here we are. And uh right. So let's get into this episode. Let's get into this episode. And this episode is different. We're not teaching, we are not fixing, we're not giving a list of things you should be doing better. This is not a glow up episode. This is a where are you actually standing right now episode. And if you're listening while folding laundry, driving, or hiding in the bathroom, this is for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

We're calling this a real-time identity reset. Not who you want to be, not who you were, who you are right now. Scary. I'm scared. I think this is gonna be very interesting personally.

SPEAKER_04 2:05

Right here in this moment. I have anxiety just thinking about it.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Well, you're not supposed to be overthinking or judging, you know?

SPEAKER_04 2:18

Just honest answers. Let's let's go. But just remember, whatever comes up, you're not broken. This is information, and that is it. We recently had a episode on emotional intelligence, and we kind of did a which I love survey, if you will. Yes, which I love too. And it reminds me of Cosmo magazine. Remember back in the day when you used to like get a magazine?

SPEAKER_03 2:43

I don't know, because I didn't give two shits about magazines. Oh, well then it was full of tump shit most of the time.

SPEAKER_04 2:49

No, you would you would read surveys. Does he really love me?

Quiz Question One: Your Default Role

SPEAKER_03 2:54

I do remember those. And I would always have I had friends, several friends who are very, very, very into those. So the only thing I probably ever did with that was exactly what you're talking about. Yes. Take this stupid little quiz that was full of shit, but yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:07

Find out if he loves you. Right. So that's kind of yeah, I'm I'm channeling that into this episode. Oh, then I'm not supposed to say I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

It's all good.

SPEAKER_04 3:19

Okay. Question one When life feels heavy, you default to being the A, the fixer. You handle it so no one else has to. B, the strong one. You don't fall apart until you're alone. C, the avoider. If you don't like, if you don't look at it, it can't hurt. Or D, the performer. You keep it together so no one worries.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Oh, E, all of the above. That's it. 100%. I am all of the above. That's a good one. I'm gonna fix everything so nobody else has to. And to be honest with you, a little bit of that is my control problem. So we've discussed in the past, you know, because I feel like I do it better than everybody else. I am the strong one. I feel like I definitely am very big about you don't fall apart until you're alone. People are not gonna see me sit around and get sad and upset. Like that's my own personal business, none of yours. I avoid, we don't look at it, it can't hurt. I do avoid. Avoiding is a blessing. And the performer, you keep it together so no one worries. 100%. 100%.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

E, all of the above. E, all of the above. I agree. At work this week, we had a fire every single day this week, which at our old job we had to fire 50 times a day. So, like one a day is like still a walk in the park. And my boss is like, I can't, you know, we all work remotely. And she's like, I can't tell. Are you always this happy? Okay, no. Step one, I talk to your boss. That is the first time anyone in my whole entire life has said that to me. And I literally just looked at her and I said, No, I'm faking it. I said, for real. I said, but I have the ability to because you know, like I work from home, so I can be, yeah, and then I can just put it on. So performative, if you will. It is what it is, but it did make me smile. And that particular day I had a headache from hell. So so I literally said, no, I'm faking it. I can't even open my eyes without my head hurting right now. This is all pretend. But anyway.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Well, okay, so to these questions though, we have to make sure we just pick one. Pick the one that hits the most to you, though. Let's talk about that.

SPEAKER_04 5:35

And we want you to follow, we want you to take this too. So pay attention. Let's go. A, the fixer. You handle it so no one else has to. B, the strong one. You don't fall apart until you're done. C, the avoider. If you don't look at it, it can't hurt the performer. You keep it together so no one worries.

Performing Strength And Workplace Masks

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Okay. That's what's what's really weird one. Even though we've both said E, all the above, what really is your number one?

SPEAKER_02 6:00

I don't know. A. I'm gonna go with A, the fixer. You handle it so no one has to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Uh I can see that about you. Okay, and I would pick uh B. I'm the strong one. And I feel like that role kind of started really early for me. Okay. Yeah. I would say I'm the strong. I'm so strong.

SPEAKER_04 6:25

You are strong. Sturdy. Tiny but mighty.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

Right.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

Okay, number two, what's actually running you?

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Okay, question two then is lately the emotion driving most of your decisions is A, anxiety, B, guilt, C, resentment, D, numbness.

unknown 6:52

A.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

A. Mine's anxiety.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

I could yeah, 100%. Hello.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

That's why we're here. The anxiety red mom club. Hello.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

I honestly I would say anxiety, but I definitely would definitely I would probably go with B guilt. I I I would go with guilt for sure. I think that um I have there's definitely guilt. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I always feel I don't know.

unknown 7:25

I have guilt. I hold a lot of guilt.

Quiz Question Two: What Drives Decisions

SPEAKER_03 7:27

About what? Um even this is one thing we were at, like we were at my uh one of our friends' house we were close to, and we were, I don't know, talking about all sorts of stuff with kids and everything. And he sometimes, you know, I love my friend. He's the greatest thing, but there are times where he wants to see like what gets you mad or what gets you crying or something. Because otherwise it's rude. He's just one of those people. I guess it's entertaining to him. But so we have a lot of definitely good talks at their house. And um, one thing he even brought up was um like the kids and the situations, and especially from being from divorce situations and stuff like that. And I just hold a ton of guilt that Austin had to go through that back and forth, the dysfunction that it brought into his situation for him personally and how it affected him. And it is I because of that, I tend to feel very protective of him. Where like um Kylie even gave me a hard time. She's like, Well, that's because he's your favorite. And I'm like, Okay, well, that's not true. I truly can tell you, I don't have a favorite child. I have like I favorite things about each one of them more than I would say, oh, I just love this one the most. You know what I mean? It's not true. I I love yeah, that's weird. But I could see how it could happen. Like you might have an asshole kid and one that's great. So like you can see, you might be like, well, it's kind of my favorite, and you know, they're not in the ass like the other ones. But I but because of it, I think I'm just more protective over him because I feel very guilty that I'm the one who chose to have him in a broken situation. So I just think guilt is something that kind of drives what I do. I think guilt is what stemmed me. You know how, like I told you before, anxiety, I think, is your power, like your anxiety. Sometimes you a lot of people think of anxiety as a negative. And to me, I think it actually you can utilize it for so much positive and it can drive you. You can take it take anything that you have as a weakness and turn it into your strength and utilize it in the right way. It can be where you're like, you know, yeah, I got anxiety and sometimes it sucks. But as a whole, it has really benefited me. So, like, even I think for you at work when we were competing against things, even though there's probably times that you spiraled or had your issues with it, I think at the end of the day. But it also is what drove you to like do well. Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna figure this out. I may spiral while I'm doing it, but at the end of the day I'm gonna figure it out. And for me, I just think it was that guilt that I had while, especially while Austin was young. Um, and it still bugs me to this day. I just still it I don't think I'll ever let it go. But in some ways, I don't, I don't, I don't think I need to let it go. It's something that I created, it's a decision that I made. Um, and I did the decisions based on what I thought was right, no matter how anybody wants to view that. But um, I still feel horrible about it. But in turn, I think it drove me to be like, I want to be the best mom. I want to do the best I can for my life in my house with my kids. Um, and I wanted to do well at my job. And because I think it would just, it's just that way it's like almost like you, you know, put the cherry on the top of your bullshit. Right. Right. I coated that with some whipped cream and a cherry, a little chocolate sauce. All of a sudden, that shit pile that I just handed you, you know, it just smells like chocolate and whipped cream. There you go. I would say guilt for sure.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Gosh, this is one that I um A, B, and C at least. And I feel like, you know, as far as anxiety goes, it's not allowed panic, a quiet quiet scanning, like I'm waiting for the the next shoe to drop. You know, I I hear what you're saying about anxiety and anxiety driving you to be a higher perfor a high performer. Um, and I've actually read studies and different things about that, like anxiety and ADHD and all of that linking to being a high performer. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 11:19

Yeah, because ADHD people, a lot of kids that are like that. I mean, honest to God, if when they get focused in and driven in, they are hyper focused in and then they have the energy to like go along. It's crazy. Yes, like they can do a lot and they're very smart. So it's just channeling it the right way. For sure.

Guilt, Resentment, And High Performance

SPEAKER_04 11:40

And then guilt, it guilt creeps up on me. And I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna combine like B and C resentment. Like, I still hold a lot of resentment to and for my my last company and for the people um a part of that company, people that I worked with for 15 years and supported for 15 years and would have, you know, gave my blood, sweat, and tears to. And then, you know, at the end of my career, I talked to maybe, you know, five to 10 of them still on a weekly basis. And um, I'll drive by the store, the store that was my idea, the store that we started because it was in the, you know, my backyard. And it's like I feel used almost that it's like you got, you know, and and and I gave it everything I had for 15 years. That sometimes I look at my kids like yesterday I was at a talent talent show, and I'm like, how many years I sat here like disengaged and not paying attention because I was so worried about work, work, work, work, work. Like I get, I feel major resentment, just like, damn, I gave it all I got, and I will never ever ever again like be in that situation. And then I feel guilty. I look at my kids and I'm like, man, there's so much that I could have done different. And I try to not live in that because I try to, everything happens for a reason, and every season happens for a reason.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

And like, even every bad thing, you gotta find the positive to it.

SPEAKER_04 13:06

Yeah. Um, and and when I look at it that way, like I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't have um probably been as driven or even had a like the job I have now. We're talking about introducing KPIs and different things like I wouldn't have a freaking clue what we were talking about had I not worked where I worked at the last, you know. Um, it taught me some business skills and it taught me different things. So, like looking at the positive of that, but my God, I have a lot of resentment. Like I see the name of that company and I just go from zero to 100 and I just want to tell everyone to fuck off. Like, I hate you, I hate what you did, I hate, you know. And so, yeah, that was that was my long answer, but but I'm definitely driven by anxiety more so. The others just kind of like creep in, I guess, if you will. So, okay, question three. When you make a decision for yourself, do you usually A second guess it immediately? B, explain it to everyone, C, ignore your gut and do what's expected, D follow through even when it's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Make a decision for yourself. I'll go. B explain it to everyone. When I make a decision, I make a decision. But then it's like I need reassurance and I won't waver.

SPEAKER_04 14:39

Like I make my decision and that's my decision. But then I try to like justify it to everyone else, which is at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what they think. It was my you know what I mean? Like, yeah, so mine's ex mine's explain it to everyone and try to get their buy-in.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

I I definitely would say I I ignore my gut more than I should.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

There's so many times I actually that I do have where um I know in my gut what I should be doing, but then I also know what is expected of me. And then I sometimes turn away from that, which yeah. I probably ignore my gut more than I should. Way more than I should, actually.

SPEAKER_04 15:22

Even as moms, you've got that mom instinct. Listen to it. It's there for real.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Oh yeah. No, that I will say when it comes to being a mom, that's probably not that's when I'll listen to my gut and tell her I fuck off because I know I know my gut speaks the right stuff. And I know that I have um I don't I feel very confident in in when it comes to kids. I love, I I think it's because I feel the most like I love kids. Like I even my um my daughter-in-law and I, we've talked throughout the times, you know, since they're on their third anyways. We've done plenty of talks about kids, and I had told her even before, I'm like, you know, babies, like they're cute and all, but they're kind of boring to me because they just, you know, they poop, they throw up, they sleep, they're you know, they're just kind of boring. So for me, I'm like, just go to sleep. It's good. Here you'll feel your battery bottle. Let's get your nice clean diaper. Oh, you're so cute. Now go to night, go to night night, because like you're just kind of boring. I can't play with you really, you know. Like I like you when you get a little bit older, but I also know that when it comes to babies, I'm I'm very good with them. Like they just like listen to my voice. Like I just feel like I know how to talk to them. So I love it. So I just feel like I kind of like it's just my thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's my thing. I even like kids when they get older. I like the bad, I don't know. I like bad kids. So I go with my gut, but everything else in my life I don't, especially if I'm choosing some shit for myself. I don't, yeah, no.

unknown 16:46

No.

Quiz Question Three: How You Decide

SPEAKER_04 16:47

Yeah, okay. So I'll give the example that I Nora came to me crying because someone, of course, said something awful about her, and um they did it in a way that was like mimicking something that happened in like the mean girls movie. And so because of this podcast and because of all of the social media work that I do, I immediately just freaking. I was like, I'm gonna make a TikTok about it because I know all you people watch my TikTok. So I'm gonna make a TikTok and let you know that we know what you did. And I was gonna post that TikTok, but then I text it to you and I text it to my family chat. I'm like, is it wrong of me to post this TikTok? And I know it probably wasn't the most mature thing to post the TikTok. Um, I didn't tag anyone in the TikTok, but it didn't matter if Jesus told me not to post the TikTok. I made up my mind that I was posting that TikTok. And I know that if Jade listens to this episode, she's gonna shake her head because she told me not to do it to take the high road. But I posted it anyway, and I got like a thousand views on it because apparently bullying, you know, it's a problem. It's it's a problem. And uh it hit home with a lot of people, which makes me happy that I did post it. But it didn't matter who told me not to post it. I was posting it to prove a point. Like I I don't know why people have, and this isn't just kids, it's adults too. Why, why does everyone have to be so gosh darn hateful? But we'll talk about that probably in the next episode, our next week's episode. We I really want to dive into you are who you hang out with, you are who you hang out with, and why get to the root of why people are so hateful. Um I think that can be a whole episode in itself.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

But yeah, for sure. And you are for sure who you hang out with. Okay, go on. All right, let's see. Question four at the end of most days, you feel A mentally fried, B, emotionally drained, C, physically exhausted, D, quietly proud but tired.

SPEAKER_04 18:55

I wish I was D.

SPEAKER_02 18:57

I wish I was quietly proud but tired. Yeah, I wish I was that too. So what are you?

SPEAKER_03 19:08

A. B. C.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Physically exhausted.

SPEAKER_03 19:10

You're physically exhausted. Uh I'm A, mentally fried for sure. Which is tell tells me I'm I'm I do carry a lot in my head. I think that's why I wake up in the middle of the night and shit's going through my head. What I needed to do, what I should have done, what do I need to fix? Who pissed me off that I want to like wish I would have said something different? And then all of a sudden I get like songs from the 80s. You know, I'm sitting there jamming, I'm like, shut up.

SPEAKER_04 19:37

Why is this happening? I have had the most bizarre dreams or nightmares lately. And I, I don't know. I don't know.

Boundaries, Bullying, And Speaking Up Online

SPEAKER_03 19:48

I don't know if it's a reflection of like. Have you ever looked your dreams up? In fact, you're saying this is so funny because like my um my husband, I think it was like a week or so ago, he tells me he's like, Okay, I gotta tell you something. Now he's had this dream before. Okay. He's like, I swear to God, it's just disgusting. I'm like, what? And he goes, I'm like, we were, I don't know. I didn't I and I know I'm gonna botch some details because I only remember the main, the main thing about this whole deal. But like we were somewhere or whatever, and all of a sudden he said, There's two by fours, and he starts eating them. He's eating two by fours. He's eating two by fours, and he says, and then he starts vomiting because it's so disgusting. And he's like, seriously, it's gotta mean something. Who in the hell is eating two by fours and then vomiting it up? And it has to do with responsibility and feeling like kind of almost like you're on overload, and that's why he picked a object that's hard like that, and the taste of wood that it tastes bad, and the vomiting is to to release. Oh, yeah, it was a whole thing. I looked it all up. Very interesting. Sometimes when you have a stupid dream, you should look it up. It's pretty interesting, but and it's true because he just got to where he's now taking care of our granddaughter, a coat. And I said, and it all made sense. It kind of like tied it into what's going on that's changed, what's happened in your life that you feel like more responsibility. Well, yeah, and taking care of and all of a sudden he's like, Well, yeah, I mean, you know, it's he's he's always been that way, like around the kids when they're little, he's and he's a worry wort, anyways. He worries about everything. So having her, he loves, and on the other hand, I mean he's a worry wort. And so it kind of made sense. But who the hell eats wooden vomits but my husband? But yeah, it's not the first time he's done it, but I guarantee there's another life-changing thing that happened when that happened.

SPEAKER_04 21:24

See, when I had a high stress career, like I I can totally like I would have a nightmare that like my teeth fell out and like it would correlate, like it would correlate to something else. But like last night, and I I woke up several times and I went back to bed and I kept like the dream continued on. And have you it's so ignorant. Have you watched Mc McBee Dynasty? No, okay, it's ridiculous, and it's really reality TV. And I think that I took a liking to it because it's from it's filmed, or like their farm is in northwest Missouri. Missouri. You just took to it to it because it's probably stupid. And dramatic. Yes, and drama filled. But I just like it's northwest Missouri, so they go to Kansas City all the time. And I just I and that's what I used to do is go to keep whatever. And um I've had my friends from Kansas City on the mine lately. One of them, we are looking at tickets to go to the Pitbull Little John concert in Kansas City. I'm so excited. Um shout out to Cherie, who's a new listener to the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

I should make you take my daughter. She'd love to go there.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

Oh my gosh. So if she wants to go, I'll get her a ticket and you can take your. Yes, I would. For real. And they're cheaper in Kansas City. But anyway, so I don't know if it's because I had Kansas City on the brain. I don't know what was happening, but I I was in a relationship with Cole McBee, which is like getting married and has a kid. So like not, you know, whatever. And he kept he was cheating on me. And like it was the most bizarre with his wife. Like, what in the world? Beyoncé. Like that doesn't mean shit. That can't mean shit. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

I think sometimes that's a lot of stuff though, just because we're watching movies. Like, I like I tend to have a lot of more of my dreams are nightmares. And usually, if you like pay attention to what I'm watching, it has something to do with why I'm dreaming that.

Quiz Question Four: End-Of-Day Reality

SPEAKER_04 23:16

I couldn't get away from it. I like I said, I even woke up and then like and then it starts back up right when you go back to sleep.

unknown 23:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:24

And then this last time I was like, damn, like, is am I manifesting like cold pop up in my life? Like, I don't know what's happening. I haven't even watched the show. It's like on break. A new season's coming, but I haven't even like it. You're just that excited about it. It must be. But he better be faithful to his fiance at least. Right, exactly. Might not be in my dreams, but at least, like, come on, that's not cool. I don't know. It's my my freaking mind is gets crazy. Or maybe because you know, work used to be drama for me, and now work's not drama. So now I have to manifest drama in my dreams to be entertained.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

I don't know. Yeah. Well, it could be. You like the entertainment as often as possible. Even when you go to sleep, you manifest good dreams of drama.

SPEAKER_04 24:09

I guess. Okay. The truth question. The version of you that feels furthest away right now is A, the rested version, B, the confident version, C, the joyful version, D, the unapologetic version.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

Oh, this one's easy. The rested version. You feel like the rested version is so far away. Yes. I feel confident. I feel joyful. I'm unapologetic. Everybody can go below. But I don't feel rested. That's why I think I talk all the time about when the hell am I gonna get to retire? I want to retire. Because then maybe I'll get to rest.

SPEAKER_04 24:45

So please share us out. Please, please share this podcast out. Please help us grow.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

Because this doesn't feel like work. This is fun. Well, until we botch an episode or you can't hear. So our whole last episode was just me talking to myself because you couldn't hear Gina's mic. It was a real clusterfuck, let me tell. And you know that without me, it's just not, it's just not as fun. It's just me bitching. It was just me bitching about my previous week in life.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

It's you know, it's but that's true to us as women. Even my uh, like I said, my husband's got my granddaughter in the other day. She just babbles like for a whole hour, she'll just sit and babble and talk and babble and babble and babble and babble and babble. And at one way he looks at her and he goes, Now, see, we've now turned where I don't really think you're talking. You're just complaining. And she wasn't whining, it was that typical, like, you know what I mean? Where you're like, Well, she's a girl, she's gotta do her bitching at least a little bit every day. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 25:42

So for me, I'm gonna say it's the confident version. I have lost it somewhere. You did?

SPEAKER_03 25:47

That's horrible.

SPEAKER_04 25:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:49

We have to get it back. That's the one thing I will say is that I think is you have to have confidence to really be truly even find the most joy.

SPEAKER_04 26:01

It was my job, it was my divorce, it was everything came at me at once. And now I just, I mean, this podcast has definitely helped and is definitely breaking me out of my shell. And like I'm putting videos online I would never put online, and I'm, you know, admitting things that I would never admit out loud, and it's definitely like pulled it out of me. But like, I want to be a turtle and retreat to my shell. Like, I don't, and that was never me before. Like, and now I just feel like I have to like really, really try um to have that confidence.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

You know, it's um have you watched the the show Net uh found on Netflix? I love that show. So you know that guy that like sits at home and he can't leave his house?

SPEAKER_04 26:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Okay. Is I've always watched him, and I I mean I my heart breaks for the guy that he's like, you know, in his home.

SPEAKER_04 26:49

It's like a phobia.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

Yes, yeah. And it's whatever traumatic thing, I don't remember exactly what his trauma was, but whatever traumatically happened to him is what turned him into that or whatever. But I also feel like even like COVID and all that has done that so much to so many people too. And I just think in general that confidence is the fastest thing it can be stolen from anybody, whether it's work from work or a job happens to us, a relationship happens. You know what I mean? I just think confidence can be taken easily. People might argue that it would be joy, but I don't agree with that. I believe it more stems from confidence. If you're not joyful, it's because you're struggling with confidence.

Dreams, Stress, And What They Signal

SPEAKER_04 27:27

Yeah. If you agree or don't agree, I do agree. I and I think it's anxiety too. It's like what you know, I just I want to not give a fuck what people think. And I don't know how you get rid of that gene. But if I could take those genes off and pass, but like we've talked about this before.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

I am seeing some of my issues in my child now, and I can tell her you just can't care.

SPEAKER_04 27:59

You stop caring what they think. And then at the same time, I'm like, well, I don't want to post that because people will you know what I mean? Like what will people think? Yeah, so I definitely think that that's where my listen, I look at it like this.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

There's people out there that we might do a podcast. I mean, we might do a TikTok or even a podcast, but I mean, we might do like a TikTok or something like that, like the stupid one that you decided to post of me where I sent you that AI one where I'm doing that dumb. Oh my god, I love it so much. Believe me, there's plenty of people I'm sure if they don't like me, would probably make fun of me. But if they don't like me, I don't like you. Anyone doesn't like me, I don't like you either. Just so you know. In case you were wondering. We're gonna talk about that in the next episode.

SPEAKER_04 28:43

Specifically.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

And that's how you become confident. There you go. See, it's not about that she has to just like not care. She has to realize that the people that doesn't like that don't like her, she doesn't like either. So what does it matter? If I don't like you and you don't like me, what that what you became irrelevant at that moment. Now, if I liked you and we were close friends and blah, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden you were a bitch one day, and then all of a sudden I thought, oh my God, why is she a bitch? And it's gonna upset me and I'm gonna cry in the room. Okay, fine. But even at some point you have to come to terms with it. Either the relationship ended and you're just a bitch, and that's it all there is to it. And I need to move on, and I need to find that that if you don't like me, then why would I like you? That's even something my husband always tells me. Uh, somebody doesn't like me, hello, why would I like them? I'm not, I don't give two shits. And he's, I mean, cold hearted, you could be his best freaking friend. You turn on him to be like, you don't like him, he'd be like, go fuck yourself. He does not care. He will bury you tomorrow and never look back. He does not care. And so for me, I'm I feel like that's the whole thing you have to realize that the people you don't like, they don't that don't like you, you don't like them.

SPEAKER_04 29:52

That's some real BDE right there. Do you know what BDE means? Big dick energy. If I could just flop that puppy on the table, you know, there's a whole song about big dick energy, and uh speaking of I have it. Yeah, you do, you do. I used to, I don't. Um, I'll never forget. So Cherie, um, my friends Cherie and Kirsten, they that I met through the job, and those are two people that I still still continually talk to. And uh, we had gone to a Chiefs game together, and they're like, you gotta play Big Dick Energy. And I was like, What? And so we sat in the parking lot and listened to Big Dick Energy before we went into the game. So we we took Big Dick Energy into the game, and uh yeah, I freaking loved it.

SPEAKER_03 30:41

I I need to play that song every morning when I wake up. We should be playing that before our podcast. Maybe that's how we should have our entry uh our music leads us in to start.

SPEAKER_04 30:50

That's perfect. That's perfect. Um, yeah, you'll have to listen to the song. It's it's freaking hilarious. I mean, and it's everywhere now. Like I'm sure we'll have to do a a TikTok with big dick energy, but yeah, that's that's what it is. That's what it is. So let's look back at our answers. Whatever letter you chose most, that's not a diagnosis, it's a starting point.

Quiz Question Five: The Missing Version Of You

SPEAKER_03 31:15

Okay, survival mode, mostly A's. If you're here and you're not failing, you're surviving.

SPEAKER_04 31:21

The invisible weight, mostly B's. You're functioning, but you're carrying things that you were never meant to hold alone.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

Disconnected is mostly C's. You adapted so well that you disappeared.

SPEAKER_04 31:36

Re-emerging is mostly D's. This means something is already shifting, even if it feels fragile. So the moral of the story is I'm in survival mode. I have invisible weight. I'm disconnected, but I'm re-emerging because I feel like I had all of the above, baby. All of those emotions in this body, and sometimes I just have to scream. I'm also gonna shout out um my friend Kaylee, who used the words perimenopausal to me. And I was like, oh my god, is that what is that what's happening? Because I feel emotions running through my veins faster than they ever have before. And I can go from like happy to crying or yeah, all over the place.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Now, I am actually in menopause. Yay for me.

unknown 32:32

Woo!

SPEAKER_03 32:34

Shout out to all the menopausal women in the world. Um, and I will say I have actually done quite well, although I do believe in hormonal therapy and just some of you ladies know. If you're acting nuts, get the patch, you know, get a shot, do something. But so I do think I'm better. But I did have a day one day where I was like got super angry at my husband, like psycho kind of angry over something you should like you're getting mad at. I would have gotten mad at him, but I normally would not have been like a psychopath over it. After that day, I immediately next day called my doctor and said, um, I think maybe I need to have an appointment and talk to you about this. And then I went and talked to her. I'm like, okay, I'm just curious because I know I'm in menopause. I kind of flip my shit. I don't know. So she told me I need to probably go make sure that they just check my hormone level again just to because some you she said you change throughout your whole menopause time, even when you're in menopause, I guess it keeps changing or whatever. And I said, I'm like, okay, but then will it like help and this will all go away and I won't ever act psycho again? And she said, Um, whatever happens to you during menopause is your new normal.

unknown 33:35

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 33:39

That's fucking scary.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

Thank God though, the only the outburst only happened once.

SPEAKER_04 33:44

But anyways, just had to share that to my roommates, the people that live with me. I'm gonna apologize in advance because I'm just gonna be a fucking psychopath for the rest of my life, obviously, because once you hit menopause, you're fucked.

SPEAKER_03 33:58

Damn. Okay. Let's see. We want to say this clearly: rebuilding does not mean becoming someone new.

SPEAKER_04 34:08

Or maybe it does, we just learned. But it means it means remembering who you were before you learned to be smaller, quieter, or stronger than you should have had to be. This week, don't fix your answers, just notice them. And if you want, please send us your letters. Just the letter, no explanation. We would love to know what category you land. And we created The Village, the anxiety-ridden Bombs Club. The Village Facebook group.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

Get on it.

Confidence, BDE, And Not Caring What Others Think

SPEAKER_04 34:41

Yes. And this is going to be our place to vent, to discuss results. If you want to put your letter on there, we'll go ahead and comment. But um, we started a group because one, the faith, the Facebook algorithms like groups, but also we wanted a safe place. Like if you're having a bad day or something hilarious happened. Have you ever been there, been in those moments where something funny happens and you're like, I really want to tell someone, but you know, so-and-so is an event or whatever. Like, tell us. We want to know. We just feel like it's a place for the village to really come together and be able to share the wins, the losses, and help each other, help each other through our anxiety journeys. So get on our Facebook group, The Village. Give us your number. Give us your letter, not your number. Because we didn't talk about numbers, we talked about letters. Whatever.

SPEAKER_03 35:35

All right. Well, you're not late. You're not behind.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

You're rebuilding. Thanks for joining us.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Thanks for spending time with us.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

Take what you need, leave what you don't, and be gentle with yourself. And if you want to stay connected, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at the ARMC. And remember, you're not broken, you're becoming. We'll see you next time.