The ARMC
Two anxiety ridden Moms and professionals taking on life and work. We've come together to talk about it all and formed The Anxiety Ridden Moms Club or ARMC for short. Welcome to our show, we look forward at what's to come. Thank you for joining us every week for a new episode.
The ARMC
Why People Misread You And How To Stop Chasing Approval
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The fastest way to drain your mental health is trying to “clear things up” with someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. We have both been there, especially as moms who are already carrying anxiety, overstimulation, and the pressure to do it all, and it shows up in the smallest moments and the biggest ones.
We start with a clip that stopped us in our tracks: people can only understand you from their level of perception. From there, we get real about why being misunderstood is so triggering, how anxiety can make us come off sharp or distant, and why women get slapped with labels like “intimidating” or “bitch” when we are simply being direct or trying to keep it together. We talk about the difference between healthy communication and the anxious need to control how we are seen, plus the point where explaining turns into exhausting yourself.
We also get into the practical side of peace: learning to like yourself enough to do things alone, building a tolerance for boredom and quiet, and setting work boundaries so you do not bring burnout home to your family. Along the way, we share stories about first impressions, work personas versus home personas, and how curiosity about other peoples behavior can help without becoming another way to overthink.
If this hits home, subscribe, share this with a friend who is stuck over-explaining, and leave a review so more anxious moms can find us. Where do you feel the strongest pull to be understood right now?
Welcome To Anxiety Ridden Moms Club
SPEAKER_02You're listening to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, the podcast for moms who love their kids deeply and still feel anxious, exhausted, and overstimulated.
SPEAKER_01Here, we talk about the messy stuff, the thoughts we don't say out loud, the pressure to do it all, and the journey back to ourselves. Progress over perfection always. Let's go.
When Nothing Works On Mic
SPEAKER_01I just like doing it. Okay. Full transparency. We've been doing this for eight eight months. And this is our 19th take to get you an episode this week. Or 19th, because we just don't have our shit together today. It's just not coming together today. Our thoughts aren't coming together. No, nothing is working. This is ridiculous. Our lives are not together. Our mics aren't working. Our headphones aren't working. And I can't see anything because my eyes just have water just pouring out of them nonstop.
SPEAKER_02So I can't stop laughing. She says it's due to age. It's due to age and it's due to too much coffee. She's like, please caffeinate yourself today.
SPEAKER_01I'm caffeinated. No. Thank you for being here with us. We don't have our shit together, which is no. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Which probably is not good. We're supposed to like somewhat be more prepared than what we are, but that's okay. It's fine. It's totally fine. What are we talking about today? Let's get it started.
The Quote That Hit Home
SPEAKER_02Okay. So I sent this clip to Kylie the other day.
SPEAKER_01You did. Yes, you did. And I watched it over and over and over again.
SPEAKER_02Because I saw it. I thought, oh my God, this is so us. So um this guy said, You will be infinitely more at peace being okay being misunderstood because people can only understand from their level of perception. And I was like, wow. Wow, Kylie needs this. Kylie definitely needs this in her life.
SPEAKER_01Yes. It was from the mindset mentor. If you don't follow him, I would. Yes, he's great. He's great. He has a lot of a lot of good information to help us in this stage of growing and being the best versions of ourselves. So yes, I agree.
SPEAKER_02Oh my God, I can't see. Her eyes are just full of water. I'm just gonna let all of you guys know. As you get older, like I was telling Kyle, like your eyes just water like way easier. You get way more sensitive. And I know it's a hormone thing, but I think it happens even to men. And you pee your pants really easy too.
SPEAKER_01Okay, come on. That happens after kids to me. Okay,
Intimidating, Assertive, Or Misread
SPEAKER_01the clip. Back to the clip. I liked it. I watched it. And my first reaction was honestly, I don't like that. Well, why? Because I don't want to be okay being misunderstood. I don't like to be misunderstood. I want to be understood.
SPEAKER_02Well, okay. Well, I think everybody to some degree feels that way. I mean, don't you? I mean, I think everybody wants to be misunder. I mean, wants to be misunderstood, wants to be understood.
SPEAKER_03But at the same time, I guess what it comes down to is why do you care if everybody understands you? You know? Like, why?
SPEAKER_02What is your problem? Let's get into it and decide what your problem is. Which one?
SPEAKER_01Okay. So it can be little things though. It can just be little things like the way you come across or the way, like it used to drive me crazy because when I managed a bunch of people, I'd get feedback that I was intimidating. And like that would drive me nuts. It would drive me crazy.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, okay. Oh, all right. Now hold on a second. But on the other hand, you don't like to be intimidating.
SPEAKER_01Well, I just saw another clip where it talked about how that's a good, that's not a bad thing to be intimidating. To be intimidating. But I think intimidating also equaled bitch. Like they thought that I was a bitch. Or and maybe I am a bitch. I think you are.
SPEAKER_02Light bulb moment. Okay, so you're intimidating. I just think you're a bitch. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Okay. Just kidding.
SPEAKER_01No, I misunderstand me. Because I don't sometimes okay. I think anxiety, I think my anxiety, I think sometimes the stress of a situation makes me come off like a bitch when really I'm just trying to get through it in the best way or the only way that I know how. But that's a good example of being misunderstood. Like I genuinely think I'm a decent human being. I don't think I'm a bitch. Can I be bitchy? Absolutely. Who can't? But I don't think, I mean, I don't wake up every morning to strive to be a bitch, but I think that some I think people think that I am. And that yeah, it drives me crazy because that's not who I am or who I want to be or who I want to portray myself as by any means. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I think that honestly, even in saying that, don't you ever feel like when it's as a woman, that's what everybody always just simply says. Like even if a woman is assertive, she's a bitch.
SPEAKER_03You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Like, let's be honest. And if she's very assertive, she's a con.
SPEAKER_02This is just the truth. I'm just but you know what I mean? Like, so like when you like ultimately being intimidating, which is really the most appropriate, but we turn it into realistically.
SPEAKER_04So you're saying it's more of a generalized term that if someone rubs you the wrong way, we just say they're a bitch. Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_03Huh. Okay. My opinion. I could be wrong.
SPEAKER_02But think about the people you've ever called a bitch that's like that you've worked with for whatever that you have an opinion about that's or you know, and it doesn't even have to be that you're. That doesn't even mean well, I mean, it's all on what you want to how you want to inspect. I'm going to I'm going to chat GPT. What is the definition? I'm I'm Other than a female dog. So you might want to put that in there. We don't want to hear that definition.
SPEAKER_03Sorry, guys. I have like a frog in my throat today.
SPEAKER_02You want me to say other than it's we don't want to hear the dog definition. We all know that. A female dog.
SPEAKER_01Where was that derived from? The word bitch has a few meanings beyond a female dog, and the tone really depends on context. Number one, as an insult, most common usage. Okay. It's often used to describe someone as mean, unkind, difficult, aggressive, controlling. I bet I've been told all of those things once upon a time.
SPEAKER_02Which leads to you being a bitch.
SPEAKER_01When directed at women, it's historically been used to criticize women who are assertive. See, I told you. Not nice enough. That's why it carries such a strong gendered edge. See? It's often used to police behavior. That's so I didn't need Chat GPT, but she did. I did give you guys a definition of a bitch. That's so funny because when Brad makes me really mad, I'm like, stop being a bitch. And I am referring to him as a female pain in the ass. Interesting. Okay. It also as slang in some settings, it can mean a complaint, a difficult situation. This traffic is a bitch. Or playful banter between friends. Tone matters a lot here. Fair. See? I told you. No chat GPT. Look how smart I am. So I am here to announce to the world that I'm not a bitch. I'm just misunderstood. I am. I am. I'm blaming my anxiety. Oh boy. It's my anxiety that makes me a bitch or makes you perceive me as a bitch because it's not my problem. It's all of the things that have happened to you to make you insecure. And that's why you think I'm a bitch.
SPEAKER_02Does that make any sense? Isn't that kind of bitchy what you just said that I have no idea what I just said.
SPEAKER_01I have no idea what I'm talking about. I told you we did not have our shit together today.
SPEAKER_02I think any okay, but here's
Stop Feeding Other Peoples Opinions
SPEAKER_02the thing. I think there are plenty of times that we've all felt misunderstood, whether it is relationships, it's at work, it's in friendships, it's with the lady at the store that you're trying to ask for help and she's not understanding what the hell you're looking for. And yet you're feel like you're really giving her a good description, right? So we all get frustrated and upset and angry at times.
SPEAKER_03And sometimes I think that everybody should just take a deep breath because ultimately my perception of you or yours of mine really shouldn't freaking matter.
SPEAKER_01Like someone else's opinion of you is none of your business.
SPEAKER_02Like seriously, at the end of the day, I understand. I mean, sometimes that's when you just sort of say, okay, obviously I'm you're not understanding what I'm saying. You know what I mean? And that and it just is what it is. If you can't get, you don't be if you just keep going on and on and on, like unless it's certain unless there's a real purpose that you have to make sure this person understands that, like you're a project at work and you're working on it. Yes, you have to be on the same page. They have to understand you, you have to understand them. But when it comes to like regular life stuff, I mean, truly, I think we give too much energy into worrying what everybody is if they understand us or not. And it's really not how and how they perceive us.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I'm gonna play the clip because I'm gonna
Clip Breakdown: Perception And Peace
SPEAKER_01play the clip. Hold on. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Not to waste any more time arguing with people who don't understand you.
SPEAKER_01My intention was not to.
SPEAKER_00You want more peace in your life? You will be infinitely more peaceful when you decide not to waste any more time arguing with people who don't understand you. Be okay with being misunderstood. Because people can only understand from their level of perception. And you have to understand that no argument in this entire world is worth damaging your mental health.
SPEAKER_04You want truth. So what does he mean by the way they perceive it?
SPEAKER_01What is he talking? So, like, I feel like there's so many there there are a lot of a lot of parts to break down. He's saying I mean, ultimate peace comes when you just don't give a shit what other people think. Yes. Right? Yes. And that you have to be okay being misunderstood. So how how do we get there? How do we be okay with being misunderstood? Because for me, and in the the place I am in my life, and I'm trying to be a better person and rebuild, and rainbows and butterflies are coming out of my ass. Like that great, but that's not the reality. The reality of life is, you know, life is hard and relationships are hard, whether that's friendships, family ships, relationships. You know what I mean? Like relationships are hard. And God, I know what you're gonna say before you even say it. Oh my God. I hear you saying in my head, it's communication in all relationships and being misunderstood and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's communication. It comes down to communication.
Liking Yourself Enough To Be Alone
SPEAKER_02So it does come down to communication, but it also comes down to um being okay with who you are, liking yourself. You know, some people have been upset. I've heard when I was younger, even I had there was a lady that I knew that she would go to the movies by herself, and I'd be like, You go to the movies by yourself? Like, who wants to do that? We think that's not normal. I've never thought about it. She's like, Oh my God, you sometimes you should do some things just by yourself. It's really enjoyable. And talked about how like having a relationship with you. You know what I mean? Now, back then I'm young and I just thought that just sounds weird.
SPEAKER_01I guess if you're gonna do something by yourself, you the movies is a good place because like you don't talk in movies, so you don't really care. So you don't have to feel weird just unless you're like making out with your man in the movie. Like, who the fuck does that? That's weird.
SPEAKER_02But I mean, and then I sit and I think, like, there are times where I've gone in the movie theater and I've seen people go to the movies by themselves. And then, you know, especially when I was younger, I would be like, that's kind of weird. I mean, I would, I would think that was like odd behavior. Like, who goes and does those things alone? But I think it is ultimately the end of the day, you have to like you. And if you like yourself and enjoy being with yourself, you know, like people do a lot of things actually by themselves, and they and she she even had mentioned to me that it basically it was helpful to her to be basically just happy with her. You know what I mean? Like some people say they'll go out to eat by themselves.
SPEAKER_01You know what I mean? So that's that's funny because like I will see somebody eating by themselves, and like I guess the like empath in me, like that's the where I'm sad because I'm like, oh my God, did you lose your significant other? Like, do you not have children? Do you like why are you all by your why are you all alone?
SPEAKER_02But yeah, if they have a laptop or something in front of them, you don't even question it. Right? Correct. So I mean, I think that's the thing is like I I used to always think it was really weird until all of a sudden I started working in a job that like it was just better off for me to stop off somewhere, have lunch. I could pull up my laptop and do it. And I could tell you, even in the beginning of doing that, I even still felt kind of weird, but I kind of was glad I had a laptop. I didn't just look like a lonely soul. So that's the difference. That's the difference because you don't view it the same. Isn't that weird? And yet that is so weird. And yet, some of these people are they just want to eat alone. Like, you know what I mean? They just enjoy getting what they want to eat. And when you really think I enjoy eating alone, but I'd rather do it on my couch. Well, I I'm the same way. I like to do it at home or whatever. But I understand like the people who do are like, but I want to go have a meal by myself and they want to, like, I think you should be able to. As much as I don't go do these things that I have not even gone to the movies by myself. But I mean, the people, the things that you hear back from them as to why they do it make sense. And I think everybody has to find a way to be like, I don't know, liking themselves. And that might be in whatever way of that you enjoy doing some different things alone. I mean, it might be that you sit at your table and work on a puzzle. You know what I mean? Like whatever it may be. You might like to be just cushed into your couch and watching some TV and but no noise, no nothing, just you, but really enjoying not just the fact that I just like a TV to myself so that nobody changes the channel. More of a, I like just being here by myself because I'm a I like me. I like who I am. But I think it takes growth to get to that point because I don't think you just like yourself just because you ate dinner by yourself when you went to the movies or you sat your couch alone. I think it it's just like why a lot of people though stay in relationships that they shouldn't. I don't know if I like me, but I like quiet. But see, that's what and that's what you have to get to the point of if you like you, then you don't care if anybody understands you or not really. You lose a lot of the frustration because at the end of the day, you hope that people understand you. I mean, I I always hope that if I say something to somebody, I mean that makes sense and they understand it. But at the same time, like if they don't, I don't really care. All right, so ultimately, at the end of the day, like we're talking about, you know, we have to like ourselves and and and there's things we can do to to improve on that. And I think through this year of 2026, anyways, that's our focus, right? That we're all gonna be happier, which in general can turn into us becoming uncomfortable, like we talk about. But let's go back to like even when I was talking about um what he said, the um the main thing is because people can only understand from the level of their level of perception.
Wounds Shape How People Hear You
SPEAKER_02Right?
SPEAKER_01Yes. And so from their level of perception, I think what he's saying is people don't see you from your heart, right? Right. They see you from their history. Right. Meaning from their wounds, from their you know, from their experiences or what they've experienced in the past. So if someone's been betrayed before, they might see your independence as secrecy. Or if someone grew up criticized, they might hear feedback as an attack. It's not constructive criticism. You're attacking me. Right. Um, or they're not reacting. So essentially they're not reacting to who you are, they're reacting to what you triggered in them.
SPEAKER_03And I think that's which is wild, because if you think about it, I mean that's the whole thing. You can explain yourself and still they don't understand it. They don't even know what you mean.
SPEAKER_01Or they don't care because you triggered them. So they're in a place of anger, disgust, hate, whatever it is. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Like And sometimes it can be too. I mean, think about people that, like you said, when they don't really know you and then all of a sudden they're like, you know, oh my god, when I first met you, you were so intimidating. Or I thought you were a bitch, or I thought you were, you know, stuck up or whatever, or it's super shy, whatever it could be, in whatever moment you're in, they could have a perception of you and they don't know anything about you. Because of my face? Yes. I just want to bungee.
SPEAKER_01I just have a face you want to punch.
SPEAKER_02Okay. But you know what I mean? Like I think that's the thing. We can be misunderstood with somebody else the moment you meet them. If they have where they wish that they were more assertive or they wish that they had different attributes that you have, and then they get a maybe jealousy feeling or an insecure feeling off of you. It changes what that person thinks compared to the next person who's extremely assertive, very confident, happy within themselves, all of a sudden they think something different of you.
SPEAKER_01You know what I mean? Yeah, if they're more confident than you, then they might think that you're a dumbass. Sweet. So I'm either a bitch or a dumbass. But I don't care. Right.
SPEAKER_02Because it has your perception of me. Yes. And I think I think that that's the thing is we get too I'm confused.
SPEAKER_01I don't even know who I am or what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_02Because I think at the end of the day, we get too caught up into what everybody else is thinking. And realistically, truly, the only people that matter or should matter are the people who live in your home that you love, that you have really, you know, that understand really do know who you are. And the rest of the world, I mean, you hope you meet people along the way and you build relationships and stuff, but it doesn't happen overnight, anyways. And some people just, like we talked about, just don't like you. And that's okay. Who cares? And some people are never gonna understand you because they're, like it says, their experiences are totally different.
SPEAKER_01Maybe they don't want to. You know what? I'm sick of people passing judgment on me or other people because they've never taken the chance to get to know me or other people. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm gonna I'm gonna reel this back to the Nora stuff. Like sometimes people are just mean or they don't want to know you, or they don't want to know your intentions because if they wanted to know your intentions, then they would at least have the decency to ask instead of just jumping to conclusions or thinking what they want to think, or it's all coming full circle for me right now. So where do we start? Where do we start? And like I said, I I I want to circle back on the anxiety too, because I think that anxiety and the way that anxiety presents itself can make the perception of me different. You know what I mean? Because I'm anxious, so I'm fidgety. That may lead someone sitting next to me to think I'm on meth. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04Like, yes.
SPEAKER_02Well, I I mean that's the thing. I think the I think the reality is when you have anxiety is the problem is we spot is anxiety makes you spiral. So ultimately, if somebody doesn't understand you, then you're like, okay, well, but I think I'm making sense. So let me tell let me explain it to you again. And they're just like, okay, whatever. And it's like, well, wait a minute, you know, just like the whole, you know, why don't you like me? Well, wait a minute. You think I did that? Well, let me prove to you I didn't do that. Like, we waste so much energy on doing that. It's such a waste.
SPEAKER_03Okay, like here, wait, like when you first were around me, what did you think of me?
First Impressions At Work And Friends
SPEAKER_02Okay, and like she's smiling, like, um, I better think about what I'm gonna say. Just say whatever I don't give a shit. So what is it that you think of that about me? I thought you were quiet.
SPEAKER_01Like I thought you were well, I thought that you're like a sniper. That like you sit around and you observe. And you have these thoughts in your head, but you weren't like me. You kept them in your head.
unknownAnd I said it out loud.
SPEAKER_01Which would sometimes irritate me because, and I'm not saying that, like generally, I'm saying generally that would irritate me, especially like in our past life, because I'm like, why am I the only one speaking up? None of you, all of you are experiencing this the same thing, whatever it may be. But I'm the only one speaking up. Why am I the only one who has to the why am I the only one?
SPEAKER_02And here's the thing, I can be honest with you. It's so funny that you say because no matter what I'm at, people always say, I expect you to like say more and jump in or whatever. And to me, if I feel like it's falling on deaf ears, I don't know why I'm bothering myself. You know what I mean? Like if I was to sit and tell you, uh, you know, you need to fix this and stop doing this, and this needs to work this way and that way, and you're like, oh yeah, you know what I mean? Like I'll be like, okay, and then somebody's like, seriously, she needs to fix that. I've told it to her 10 freaking times. She's not going to change that. Or 10 other people have told her that already. Do you see a change? No. Okay, then why am I talking about it? Because that's when I, that is what causes me then the frustration, aggravation, and then I become mad because I look at it as I've now said it enough times. Now I now it's really more of an issue in my mind to where it's gonna start ticking me off. And then now it's gonna create me, especially in a work environment, to be so frustrated I'm not enjoying what I'm doing anymore.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I thought you were the quiet kind that kind of sat in the back. And then when you like you were gonna start shooting people, like eventually, you know what I mean? But like you never did. That climax never came. You you know what I'm saying? Like, and so now looking back, I am obviously envious of that that you had the ability to keep your fucking mouth shut.
SPEAKER_02I didn't because I was like, no, which I which in some ways I under I mean, I think it's good though that you speak up and you say stuff. And there's times where I think I probably should. Lots of times I got my way. Yes. And there are times where I have definitely seen people get their way that ticks me off because I'm like, so what, because they complained enough? Now you're gonna like give them something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and you just sat there and I just look at her, she's crazy.
SPEAKER_02And I swear that happens has happened my whole time of work. And it is because I I don't say as much. But on the other hand, I find myself to become I have to enjoy what I'm doing. That's part of probably a me problem, right? I mean, really is life all about enjoying what you're doing? Well, I think it should be more about enjoying what you're doing than not. And so if I start complaining and it's showing this is wrong, this is a problem. You guys have to do this. Why are you not doing that? Give me this, give me that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I eventually start hating what I'm doing if somebody's not doing giving that to me. And to me, if you are uh in management or anything, you should know by even conversations I would have with the person what the problems are, what I need help with. Do I have to yell it at you? Like I shouldn't have to do that. You know what I mean? So then I start getting disrespect for the people who I just told you the same thing just because I wasn't bitchy about it. You know what I mean? Like just because I wasn't more assertive about saying, um, excuse me. This has to happen. So what was your perception? What was your perception of me? When I first, I'm trying to think when I actually first met you. Um, but I think that when I first met, well, I mean, I knew you spoke your mind, which on one hand, I I was never gonna be like that. So to me, it was like on one hand, I I like that you were able to do that. On the other hand, I would get aggravated at times because of, like I just say, it was it caused me that same aggravation, like, okay, well, Kylie just said this 15 times, just got everything she wanted after she bitched and bitched and bitched and bitched. But then I've told you the same things, but because I'm not as maybe boisterous or maybe not going about it to go tell screaming from the rooftops, then it my voice didn't matter. And so sometimes that would be aggravating to me, but it wasn't against you, it was against the situation in general. You know what I mean? Right. Um, I liked you. I mean, I always liked you from the beginning. I mean, I feel like we always had good banter back and forth and, you know, giving you a hard time, but you know, otherwise, I mean, I just I just felt like you you could tell that you knew what you were doing and and were confident in what you were doing at work. Now, I will say that it's funny to me how I always say there's a work per there's a work personality and a home personality for everybody. You know what I mean? And so that's where I think it's like those are the things that are always just interesting to me of like how people construct everything in their lives. So sometimes some of your insecurities have shocked me. Yeah. Compared to what I think I've thought you were much more because you're assertive at work like that, I guess I would always think that you were c really confident.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01And at the end of the day, I'm thinking I'm more confident in myself than you are in yourself. Oh, 1000%. I think for me, well, I used to joke, like, you know, obviously living in Illinois and I worked in St. Louis. I'm like, once I cross that bridge, I'm
Work Persona, Home Burnout, New Boundaries
SPEAKER_01a different person. Yeah. And it went the other way too. Like once I crossed that bridge. And honestly, I was freaking exhausted. Like it gets exhausting to fight at all day, every day for what and so then I would come home and I would be like, whatever. Yeah. I don't care what we're eating. I don't care what you do. Like, even with my kids, like I ran a tight ship at work, but at home, it was polar opposite because I was sick of fucking running the ship. I was sick of, you know what I mean? So it's like, do whatever the fuck you want, just leave me alone. Yeah. And now I regret a lot of that because I feel like there were moments that there were lots of times that I wasn't present with what I was doing at home because I was fucking tired. I was tired because from, you know, 8 30 to 5 every single day, I was fighting for my fucking life. And so now to to be living in a life, be living a life that's polar opposite of that, I'm I'm like culture shocked. I'm like, I don't even know who I am, what I'm doing. You know what I mean? It's I I really truly am bringing everybody along for this ride of rebuilding and finding myself. Yeah. Back to being misunderstood though. I do think a lot of people misunderstand me. And it irritates me because I'm like, you don't know me. You don't know me. And then to the people that don't know me, to the people that live with me, if Brad was to misunderstand me on something, I get real fucking mad. I was like, you're not understanding me. Like, just shut up and listen to what I'm telling you. And that's where I think this clip is important. And it replays, has been replaying over in my head for the last couple of days because why why am I wasting my energy getting pissed off that you don't understand what I'm trying to say? But I think it's harder when you're in a relationship.
SPEAKER_02Like I expect Tom to understand what I'm telling you. I told you to pick your underwear up off the floor. You know what I mean? Seriously, like, you know, it you just I just think at the end of the day, you have to like it's it's hard, I think, in somebody that you live with in a day-to-day relationship situation, because it's key that you have understanding for each other to make life work. And see, that's the thing is like at work, I'm very focused at work, but I'm just as focused at home. So I think, and so for me, sometimes I definitely have crashed and burned because it's like I have when especially when I had all the kids at home and I was on from beginning of the day to the time it was time to go to sleep. You know what I mean? I mean, I always had to, I've like we talked about before, being very routined and my, you know, dishes and everything else. You know what I mean? Like I'm that's the only way I could function and make it all work. But I think that's why at my job, I don't like to get myself to the point that I'm so frustrated with it because I'll be like, I'm not gonna keep doing this if I'm this miserable. Like I can't because I am not going to, they're not gonna ever take that away from me to where then I go home and I'm burnt because I don't want to be burnt for my family. And I also did do a very good job of like, like for you, you know, you cross the river, I didn't have to, but on my drive home, my my my work turned off. So like I would just bloop, turn the off switch and turn it on to go home. So I was like the person at home that I am compared to the work person. And I mean, I think I'm I'm very similar. I don't think I'm a very different person where I feel like I think you're different home to social. I think you're different. I don't think I am. Like if I go into I was. I'm I'm that's a lot of that's balancing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, now yeah, now that's balancing itself.
SPEAKER_02I think I don't think you're I think you are definitely different now.
SPEAKER_01But I just texted you, I just texted you this week. Like I was irritated about something and it was super small. It comparatively it was super small to what I've ever been used to before, but I'm like, I don't give a shit. Like, yes, I'm gonna give it 110% when I'm at work between the hours of eight to four central standard time. We learned that irritates me sometimes when I had a client that wanted to meet with me at four o'clock Pacific Standard Time. No, two o'clock Pacific Standard Time, which is four. Yeah. And I'm technically off and I did it and whatever. And and there are lots of times I'm not off at four. Yeah. But I definitely draw that, that's a hard boundary for me now. And I give it 150% when I'm at work. Yep. But when I literally close that laptop now, I'm done. Like I'm done. And it's so awesome. Like I don't have to think of, like, I don't think about it.
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_01I think about it in good ways. Like last night, for example, I jumped on LinkedIn and was like, hey, I wonder if that, I wonder if my marketing guy, like I wonder if he posted that on LinkedIn because I want to share. Like, I think about it in good ways, but I don't ponder, I don't stew, I don't, and it's it's like night and day different. It's it's so awesome. But I did, I text you and I'm like, and I don't care. Like, I don't care. So I am growing, I am getting better.
SPEAKER_02Yes. I think that's the thing. But I think that's the whole thing. I think when you have a um a different, when you have a good situation for you and everybody for each and every person that can be different as far as work goes. Where what environment is the best for them? And some people thrive in all sorts of different places and whatever. But when you are feel like you're thriving, you feel like your voices, your voice matters, people are listening to you, all those kinds of things. You don't have to sit and beat a dead horse to get the message through to them. I just think in general, it just creates to where you can be like, okay, like this is fine. And I can let certain things go. And some things are gonna happen, like just like at work, something is always gonna go wrong at home. Something always is gonna go wrong. That's just life. I mean, we can sit around and dwell on that or if we want to, but the reality is that's just life. So I think that um it makes a huge, huge difference to have, you know, your environment be so much different compared to like when I would talk to you if you were done with work before, you were you would just feel that you were tense. You just had we were way more tense, you know what I mean? Yeah. And um, I just don't choose to be that way.
SPEAKER_01And in some ways, sometimes though I need to- I didn't know how to be any different. I really didn't. I didn't know how to not be intense about it all the time. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And it were, I mean, it worked for you in certain ways. I mean, it's a good thing. You know what I mean? It's just it's it was a good thing. On the other hand, I mean it's bad if it drains you to work when you come home. It I think it happens to a lot of men. Men will go to work all day till they're so drained from whatever it is that they're doing, and then they come home and they want to be just left alone and sit on the couch, and people just leave them alone. And that I think that that's and then women try to pick up the pieces, you know. Well, dad's just tired. You know, that was me. And I think that's the problem. And I think women that's it. And I think women have it haven't too. I just think it's i I'll say this in the past, I think it was more of a man's situation for sure. Go on, I didn't mean to cut you off. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01That makes sense. No. Yeah, it I mean, it was just last night that everything was quiet.
Boredom, Quiet, And Finding Hobbies
SPEAKER_01Like Brad's new job, he works five to two, so like he was asleep at like freaking 7:30. Yeah. The kids were at their dad's, and I was like, oh my God. Like we're before, oh my god, I wouldn't even know what to do with myself, which I didn't know what to do with myself last night. But but like, I don't know. I was just like bored. Maybe I should have gone to the movies by myself. There you go. It's what I should have done. I literally was like, I had energy because my life is just different now. And I was I so I had energy. There was no one here, it was quiet. I hated it. Like before, I would have loved it. I would have loved every minute of it. And then like, you know, whatever. But I was I was bored. I was so bored and I didn't know what to do with myself. And I I don't know. I think I what did I do? Oh, I um am watching this new series on Apple TV. The last thing he told me with Jennifer Garner. Oh, it's so good. So good. So watch it. Yeah. So I took like an hour-long shower and then I watched an episode of that, and Ate Popcorn, and just like hung out. But I literally was just just bored. Yeah. I haven't been bored in like 15 years. It's crazy.
SPEAKER_02It's like the craziest thing. And sometimes it's good to be bored. Yeah. But some people don't understand that, and that's okay. Or know what to do with it. I was like, what do I do with myself? And you know, I think the thing about it is like, you know, some people say, even when you have kids and all this stuff, they'll tell you how like you need to um, you know, make sure you always have time for yourself, blah, blah, blah. Like, you know, have a hobby or have something or whatever. I've never felt the need for any of that. I just need a little bit of boredom time throughout a week, and I'm I'm totally fine.
SPEAKER_01I have the time in my life right now, other than the podcast, because you know, we should probably dedicate, you know, whatever. Yes. But I I would love a hobby. I don't know what that is. We've talked, we've talked. It could be pickable, it could be reading. Which, by the way, how are you on on your reading journey?
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh, I gotta, I shouldn't even look up the book that I actually kind of changed over to because I was like not um I wasn't feeling it, but remember I told you, I think it's Charles, no, no, no, no. Chase. His name's Chase. Oh my gosh, I gotta look up this book now that you bring it up.
Reading People With The Six Minute X-Ray
SPEAKER_02God bless America. He's so interesting to me. And it's the six-minute x-ray. Um because I just came across this guy. But this book is called the Six Minute X-ray. Oh my God, so interesting. Talks out of like You're gonna have to give us a little more information. So good. Six minutes. So it's it's one of those things that's supposed to teach you how to read people. If they're lying to you, I'm gonna know. Oh yeah, it's so interesting. But the problem is I've I've listened to like an hour of this book and I'm like, why do you want to read people? I have to like seriously like So you don't misunderstand them? Yes. So I understand you and you won't understand me. Sounds like the most boring book of all. Oh my god, it's so interesting though, because it's like you don't okay, like I'm literally gonna have to take notes, which is the only frustrating part because I don't have a lot of time to like sit down and listen to this book and take notes. That's the only thing that's kind of hard for me. So I mean they're gonna have to listen to this too many times, which it's a it's not like a little book you read. I'm reeling right now because I don't know why you wanna because it's so interesting. Okay, because well, one, I'm in sales, so it just interests me anyway. Okay, okay, because that way at least I can it it does help you if you know that like you're interested or not interested in what I'm talking about. So, like if you or like if I'm talking to you, it he'll it kind of goes through some different things. Like you can tell by um basically somebody's eyes, you can learn a lot. And I thought, okay, I mean it makes sense, like how they look, what they have like a I don't know, it's so dang interesting. Okay, so it's like he'll say, like you have a regular set place that you always look that's kind of like your home, your home spot when you look for your eyes. And so if you look the opposite direction, it's because you're being deceptive. Or, you know, so it's little things like that you can learn, like, oh, this person when they're thinking, because if you ever, and he even said try it, like if he'll he and I wish I had a question on time because you didn't premier me, I was gonna be talking about this book at the moment. But like um, it was he like say, Okay, I'm gonna tell you if it's real, and he gives you like a question. Well, it's not a question like what's your name? Because if you ask what somebody name is, they don't have to look a different direction, but at you, right? Because they know it. And it's here, it's my name. But if you had to give me a question like, um, you know, when you were a kid, you know, what's something? I don't know, what color shoes was it that you loved or whatever. There's always, if you're thinking and like going, okay, I gotta think of where that would be. There is always a certain spot you tend to look. Like it's like you're searching for the file in your brain, and it truly, it's true. And so like he gave these questions. I'm like, oh my God, this is so crazy that when you really start to think, you start to look a certain way and you have a certain direct, you just automatically he said, This is not something you do consciously, it's something you do subconsciously. And so I even my husband was like, Yeah, whatever. Okay, try it on me. And I'm like, again, like he's asked me when I don't have the, I wish I had the questions in front of me right now, because I got to take notes on this stupid book. But like I told him, and I could tell you he was trying to not move his eyeballs, and he still did. And he still did. And I said, I already figured you out. And he, it was like because he has he would quickly shift his eyes to one side. Now he goes to his left, I go to my right. And so I was like, Oh, very interesting. He also talks about like body language. So if I'm talking to you and you're like, let's say um, I would say, Oh my God, you look like you just went on a vacation. Most people immediately want to start telling you all these great things about the vacation, right? He said they will always, like, if let's say they're talking about and they use like their right hand, they'll tell you, Oh my God, I had fun, I had this, I had that, blah, blah, blah. So great. The sun was shining. I mean, I love to be on the beach, blah, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden, he, you know, like you're saying, it sounds like it was great, you know, but you know, anything did was everything going really well? Did you have anything like bad things that happen? He said they will switch sides, and all of a sudden they'll start saying something negative, and you'll see him either lean to one side or do something, you know what I mean? So they and so you learn that person's positive side to negative side. And so if you're talking to them and you want to be more positive, you lean to their positive side. So freaking interesting. I don't know, you guys is kind of freaking me out. Totally. We don't need her to be inside. I'm gonna wear, I'm gonna learn all this stuff, and then I'm gonna work on it with Kylie during these things. And I'm gonna say, okay, just so you all know, Kylie's lying.
SPEAKER_01She's lying through her freaking teeth.
SPEAKER_02But this guy is like a, I don't know, he's high-ranking kind of guy who has done tons and tons of like talking to people in interrogations. And so he's really good. And it was kind of funny because he even said his mom had him come over and he was watching, um, he was over and visiting her or something. She was watching like The Bachelor. And he was, she was like, Oh my God, I love that girl. She's the sweetest thing. That's who he should be with. And she and he told her why that girl just lied to him three times. And she's like, What? What are you talking about? And he's like, I can show you. And so he goes, Luckily, you can rewind now and look back. So they um she went back and he showed her each and every time what she did to prove that she was being deceptive to that guy. And then she's like, Oh my god, I need you here all the time while I watch The Bachelor. And he's like, That's what my education is for. The bachelor. Very, very interesting. But it's super, super cool. So cool. Yes. After I get through to a point that I like get my notes and I can get through everything, I will then share more about it. But it's so seriously interesting to me.
unknownHuh.
SPEAKER_02So yeah, I kind of shifted gears. And I know it's not all about like helping my anxiety, but it it will in certain ways if I understand people better. Just like I don't want to be misunderstood, but at least I can it I'm better about if I understand other people. Make sense? Makes total sense. Because then if you're not understanding me, I'm okay with it because I've now understood you.
SPEAKER_04You're a peace. Yeah. Totally awesome. So where do we go from here? I don't know. What are our next steps? Being peaceful. Okay.
Clarify Twice Then Protect Peace
SPEAKER_04Clarify once.
SPEAKER_02Maybe twice. Maybe twice. Anyone in my age group, you know that song. Um, but you stop sacrificing your peace to trying to convince someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. Because at some point you're not communicating anymore. You're trying to control perception. It all comes back to control.
SPEAKER_01It all comes back to control.
SPEAKER_02Which I do like to control things. A little bit of a control freak.
SPEAKER_01Okay, but peace comes when you realize I don't need to control your perception to know who I am. If being understood costs me my mental health, it's too expensive. So maybe being infinitely more at peace isn't about fixing it. It's about detaching. You will be infinitely more at peace being okay with being misunderstood. I don't love it yet, but I definitely think it's true. Village, are you arguing to be understood? Or are you? Protecting your peace because no argument in this entire world is worth damaging your mental health. Not one.
Gentle Reminder And Where To Follow
SPEAKER_02Thanks for spending time with us.
SPEAKER_01Take what you need, leave what you don't, and be gentle with yourself. And if you want to stay connected, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at the ARMC. And remember, you're not broken, you're becoming.